Immunotherapy = Hitting Yourself on the Head with a Hammer

This is actually a co-authored post. In a sort of gallows-humor season during round one 2 weeks ago, my brother Jim & I percolated out loud on this together, just laughing ourselves silly in the process. Lisa was slightly less amused...*grin*

The basic idea was this: How is immunotherapy like hitting yourself on the head with a hammer? Surprisingly, as you'll see, the two are very similar...

--It feels simply marvelous when you stop

--If you do it long enough, it begins to hurt just a bit less

--You won't truly appreciate how bad it hurts until you stop

--Similarly, you won't really appreciate how great it feels to stop if you never start

--It gives a great perspective: for example, your feet feel much better while hitting yourself on the head with a hammer (I haven't worried about my sore arches once in the past 4 weeks!)

--Paying someone else a considerable amount of money to hit you on the head with a hammer makes the whole experience somehow less...troublesome to ponder.

--If, prior to beginning the process of getting hit on the head with a hammer, you are given, say, 15 helmets, you just know the hammer is gonna hurt. Bad. (I was prescribed 17 seperate drugs just for side effects in my admission orders!)

--If it requires more than one or two highly-trained professionals to properly show you how to hit yourself on the head with a hammer, you better strap in, because this one's gonna hurt! So far, I've had 15 highly trained & specialized medical types be part of this week's festivities. And that's just the ones who have physically been in the room!

--To properly hit yourself on the head with a hammer requires considerable skill, dedication, planning, and effort. So don't just randomly start flailing away with the nearest hammer; seek a trained professional!

So, you see, ladies & gents, there really are a number of direct parallels between hitting yourself on the head with a hammer and high-dose IL-2 immunotherapy. Just so you know...

I know what you're thinking right now; you're thinking, "there's 5 minutes of life I'll never get back..." Precisely. But I'll not apologize, for just remember: you could have been hitting yourself on the head with a hammer while reading...*rimshot*

I hereby promise that the next post will have some actual useful content in it. Maybe.

Seriously, thanks much for your love, friendship, and prayers. It is exactly those that enable me to laugh right here in the ICU room while recovering from getting hit in the head with a hammer...Laughter in the midst of the battle is an indispensable tool!

With love, hope, and a chuckle,
Mike

p.s. - I'm still not feeling very good, but as this day has worn on, I now feel somewhat more hopeful that I will feel better in the future. Last night and this morning, I was not so sure about ever feeling better...*sigh*

Home at Last

Think of every cool song lyric that speaks fondly of home. Now sing every one of those songs. Don't you feel better? You're welcome! *grin*

I type at a few minutes after 6 on Monday night. From the comfort of home. In fact, I'm blogging under the influence right now...of a 2-hour power nap on our living room floor (James' puppy helped with this) and of my 1st complete shower since last Monday! (Note to all concerned: I have actually bathed since then, so don't be scared. Just haven't stood under a glorious shower)

Today's was a fair uneventful trip. (Of course, I can't drive yet...) The hurricane was a total non-issue for us. Sunny weather & no clouds all the way through east TX & south LA. (Of course, a frog-strangling rainstorm landed on us right as we got near home. But we didn't care.)

Progress on the melting-face front too. I held the door open for a family @ our lunch stop in Baton Rouge, & Lisa said after "see? Your face didn't scare those little boys..." *smile*

Tired is the one-word description of now. About to go walk around the yard a time or two, which will require all of the oomph I can muster. And I'll probably have to nap after. Oh well...

Anyway, just wanted everyone to know that we're home. Thanks so very much for your continued prayers!

With love & hope,
Mike

p.s. - if you didn't already, go read the hilarious comment from my long-time fraternity buddy on the previous post. Thanks, GTO...I needed the chuckle, as did my family...

At the moment, my face looks sort like a cross between this...
and this...

With a hint of the wicked witch's "I'm melting...melting...." thrown in.


Come to think of it, the hands are pretty close to mine in the second one (Gimli) too. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal looks (whatever those are...) in the near future.


Keep in mind, boys & girls, that's from the treatment, not the disease...so, yeah...*sigh*


On the gigantic plus side though, we are heading toward H'burg this morning!! Yaaaaahoooooooo!! Plus, my 1st waking sensation this morning was not being stuck with a needle! By my count, I was stuck 42 times this week, averaging a smooth 6 sticks per day...And some of you probably made it through the whole week without getting stuck once with a needle! *grin*


Other than looking rather between "rode hard & put up wet" and "Mommy, what's wrong with that man's face & hands? 'Hush, honey...it's not polite to stare..." I'm OK. Feel just merely very exhausted, which will get better by the day this week. Weight-wise, remember in round 1 when I dropped all the wt in a couple of days? Well, apparently that doesn't happen every time either; I've still got about half of it to go, though the trend is in the rt. direction. Thanks to all who were secure enough in their faith to pray for my bodily functions! Keep those coming for another day or two too, if you would.


Please pray for safe travel home...apparently, there's this tropical storm between here (Houston area) and home. But what do I care? I'm not able to drive any! *sad smile* Seriously, your prayers today--esp for Lisa!--are most welcome.


And know that we are absolutely thrilled to be rolling homeward!


As Grand Funk sang back in the late 60s, "I'm getting closer to my home...I'm getting closer to my hooooooome...Yeahyeah..."


With a grateful heart,
Mike

Closer to Home...

At the moment, my face looks sort like a cross between this... and this...

With a hint of the wicked witch's "I'm melting...melting...." thrown in.

Come to think of it, the hands are pretty close to mine in the second one (Gimli) too. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal looks (whatever those are...) in the near future.

Keep in mind, boys & girls, that's from the treatment, not the disease...so, yeah...*sigh*

On the gigantic plus side though, we are heading toward H'burg this morning!!

Yaaaaahoooooooo!! Plus, my 1st waking sensation this morning was not being stuck with a needle! By my count, I was stuck 42 times this week, averaging a smooth 6 sticks per day...And some of you probably made it through the whole week without getting stuck once with a needle! *grin*

Other than looking rather between "rode hard & put up wet" and "Mommy, what's wrong with that man's face & hands? 'Hush, honey...it's not polite to stare..." I'm OK. Feel just merely very exhausted, which will get better by the day this week.

Weight-wise, remember in round 1 when I dropped all the wt in a couple of days? Well, apparently that doesn't happen every time either; I've still got about half of it to go, though the trend is in the rt. direction. Thanks to all who were secure enough in their faith to pray for my bodily functions! Keep those coming for another day or two too, if you would.

Please pray for safe travel home...apparently, there's this tropical storm between here (Houston area) and home. But what do I care? I'm not able to drive any! *sad smile* Seriously, your prayers today--esp for Lisa!--are most welcome.

And know that we are absolutely thrilled to be rolling homeward!

As Grand Funk sang back in the late 60s, "I'm getting closer to my home...I'm getting closer to my hooooooome...Yeahyeah..."

With a grateful heart,
Mike

Clouds

I've always loved looking at clouds & the sky. (Growing up on the water helps that love!)

Recently, we've had some marvelous clouds & sun interaction around H'burg. Here's an observation I've had a couple of times lately looking at the clouds rolling in bringing afternoon rains. Think of the darkest, scariest clouds you've encountered. Fearsome. Unsettling. Unnerving. Plain ol' scary. And sometimes the storms burst upon you. And even cause destruction. In such times, it's easy to forget that the same summer sun is still there. Even when you can't see it, nor feel it. Even when the clouds may cause you to wonder if that sun will ever shine again. It will. I assure you, it will. You should bank on that, not because you read it here; rather, because of Him Who promised to never destroy the earth again by flood.

I initially wrote this the Saturday before the 1st course of IL-2 began. I had planned to post it during that week. But the clouds boiled over into a full-blown storm that resulted in the passing of a great friend into glory. Let's try again, shall we? (note: I've edited this a time or two...or 6...since the initial--right now, for example, it's Sunday at 7:00 a.m., and I'm on the back side of IL-2 round 2. Those clouds are beginning to break up...)

It's now Monday evening at 9:30 p.m., and we're in the ICU. As of a few minutes ago, I am hooked up to various apparati to monitor most everything. Freedom is gone...*sigh* We've spent most of today @ MDA, which means storm clouds on most people's horizons around us. Now, I'm in the ICU seeing the clouds begin to boil directly around me. And a storm's coming. Beginning tomorrow morning. But here's the thing to remember, and to pray for me to remember. Above the clouds, there is my Lord, ruling and reigning over the entire universe. Including the clouds of IL-2 and melanoma. And whatever clouds are hanging over you at the moment. Just as surely as the sun still shines beyond the clouds of a summer storm when it can't be seen, He is there. Jehovah Shammah...the Lord Who is Present. Hallelujah! More surely than the sun's shining, actually, for He caused the sun to begin to shine, and will one day render its shining irrelevant:

And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Rev. 22:5

Let's pray for each other to look past our situations to the One Who filters it all through His loving hands. And Who enables us to hold up under the strain. Jehovah Shammah.

"Let the dark clouds rise...let the storm winds blow...there is safety, there is comfort in Your arms....Jesus...You are faithful...You are able...You are strong..." That's a song we sing on occasion in church.

Thanks for your prayers for me right now! Please remember Lisa as she's facing these clouds too. Plus, James & Anne have to look thru these clouds from 7 1/2 hours away. And Mom & Jim & his family from farther away yet.

With Love and Hope,
Mike

p.s. - a great friend posted this in a comment yesterday:

Heidelberg Catechism Q & A 1.

Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death?

A. That I am not my own,but belong—body and soul,in life and in death—to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood,and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him,Christ, by his Holy Spirit,assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.

This type stuff means a lot more, I'm sure, in a situation like yours.

(back to Mike) Yes it does, Norman. How very much we take for granted in terms of core theology, consigning it to the realm of "pastor stuff" or whatever. And how very vital that core theology about God and salvation and redemption and providence and such becomes when the clouds gather!

God, forgive me for pushing Your Word and Your ways into a nice, tidy corner and leaving them there most of the time totally untouched. Grant that I would delve deeply into You at all times and not just when my way is obscured by clouds. Forgive us all for outsourcing things theological to our pastors or favorite authors. Help us say with Paul, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Father, may our very beings erupt in this same sort of praise and wonder and adoration regularly as we ponder daily anew Your work and Your Person. Maranatha!

p.p.s. - "When peace like a river attendeth my way...when sorrows, like sea billows, roll...whatever my lot, You have taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul..." (written by Horatio Spafford on the occasion of the passing of his daughters in a shipwreck; re-read that--the passing of his daughters...can there be a greater tragedy? And yet, how many times have we sung "it is well with my soul" on absentminded autopilot??)

p.p.p.s. - Thanks Norman, for the reminder that sparks these ramblings. See you at some football games this Fall, Lord willing.

The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly

Good afternoon, Amigos!

Today's prayer request is very simple & straightforward. And perhaps a bit disturbing to some.

The Bad
I need to offload a significant amount of fluid today. Right now, I'm probably in the 15-20 pound range. (meaning, I'm up about that much) There's the disturbing prayer request.

The Good
The reason for the request above is, we've been told by Dr. Hwu (female...not the same guy as last time, and no relation) that she'd like to ship us outta here tomorrow! But, in order for that to happen, see "disturbing prayer request" above.

The Ugly
Well, that's me. All the time, but especially at fightin' wt. + 28 lbs, as I was Thursday.

Thanks for praying for us! I hope this prayer is not too disturbing to your theology...

With love & hope,
Mike

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER, 2008...*sigh*

Hey, All,
I was just struck by the though that you have entered into my journey at various points in it. Thus, I thought a recap of the whole deal might be useful to some.

Nov. 05 - initial diagnosis of malignant melanoma from a mole on my back. 4 sep surgeries at same time: massive hole created in back around mole, sentinel lymph nodes removed from under each arm, skin graft from left thigh into back. Cancer Free was diagnosis from all of that.

Between then & now - regular visits to my excellent oncologist in H'burg & to dermatologist there. CT scans every 6 months.

January 08 - routine ct scan finds 3 spots on my lungs. A vast array of medical tests follows:
multiple CTs, brain MRI (which did, in fact, reveal that I do have one of those), xrays, echocardiogram (which revealed that I have one of those too!), 2 different needle biopsies (there's a good time...a needle being slowly jammed into your lung...with no anesthesia...got to do 2 of thosebad boys...),...
Then in May, Dr. B. referred me to MDA for a consult. Note: I've long believed that one mark of a good Dr. is enough humility to ask for a 2nd opinion himself!

(what follows are descriptions of each of our trips out here; I can't keep all the dates straight)
1st week in May - initial appt. w/ Dr. Homsi out here. He's a medical melanoma specialist, not to be confused w/ the surgical melanoma folks here, nor with the dermatology folks here...specialization is good in this bidness! Dr. H's lab guy suspects this is adenocarcinoma. Thus, I get instantly referred to Dr. Kim in that dept.

appt. w/ Dr. Kim; he suggests a radical surgerical procedure called VATS - video-assisted thorascopic (something); this is scheduled for the next week, and will (a) diagnose and (b) remove a fair amount of my disease.

VATS Surgery performed by Dr. Mehran. Removes 3 spots from left lung; diagnosis is very clear: metastatic melanoma - total bummer! There's not much good news when melanoma returns like this.

Followup with Dr. Homsi. He lays out several options, and then recommends high-dose IL-2. This trtmt protocol offers a small chance of very good news. When it works, those folks tend to livr tumor-free for years & years. ("Lord, I want to be in that number...")

round 1 of high-dose IL-2 @ MDA. I made it thru 6 doses, which is about avg. Zero fun, sir!

2 weeks of R & R at home. Then this week. See "Zero fun, Sir!" But, I made it to doses this time. It's quite unusual for one to go farther on dose 2 than dose 1.

For future possibilities, see my post of 7/28; scroll to bottom under "long range possibilities."

Whoomp, there it is...I thought you know...*grin*