Tuesday, September 30, 2008
So, here's what I'm thinking...
Naturally, I'll take all the prayers I can get, even when I don't have my neck in the cancer noose. *smile* (And btw, we all need to be men & women of prayer even when the road is relatively smooth).
However, this site was created to update any interested parties on my medical situation. Now that my medical situation has stabilized a bit (praise God!!) I'm planning to head back over to my "regular" blog for my continued musings/ramblings. It's found here, should you be interested. Come on over & dive in with me; the water's great! *grin*
Before stepping away from here though, I will never ever be able to come close to repaying all of the prayers, encouraging words, acts of service, monetary gifts, and such that have come our way. And that's just the ones that we know about. Only God knows every prayer offered on our behalf. Only He knows the source of the anonymous donations as well as the known donations.
From the very depths of my soul, THANK YOU!! You have made a difference in the life of the Madaris family this year. May God, Who sees in secret, repay you many times over. Be blessed, my friends.
And to a writer...or even a writer wannabe like myself!...there is not a greater feeling than just knowing one's words are being read. Thank you for blessing my heart by reading here. Hope to see you over on the beach! (http://mmbeachbum.blogspot.com)
In His Grip,
Mike
p.s. - I'm not closing this one down; only God knows when medical stuff will arise again. But I'll be found over @ the other site.
p.p.s. - I view you, my friends, as Paul viewed Onesiphorous ("On-e-si-four-us"):
May the Lord grant mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains, but when he arrived in Rome he searched for me earnestly and found me—may the Lord grant him to find mercy from the Lord on that Day!—and you well know all the service he rendered at Ephesus. (2 Timothy 1:16-18)
The Wonder of Theology
And then the clouds form and storms rise, and we find out just what our theological foundation really is worth, and how much (or little...*clears throat*) we have invested in developing it.
At the risk of embarrassing 2 great ladies, let me illustrate this point by stating that these 2 invested much in understanding God and His Word in the sunshine of their lives. Thus, when the mighty, terrifying storms of sudden widowhood broke, their theological foundation stood and the anchor held (to quote the old Gospel song). Sure, they grieved...they still grieve. They asked questions. They did...they do...all the "normal" things one would expect in that situation. But in the midst of that particular storm that overpowers many, they are standing strong and demonstrating to all of us the great value of nailing down the difficult parts of one's own theology. Thanks, Mom & Stephanie, for challenging the rest of us by your lives to be theologians. Neither of these 2 ladies would say she has all the answers! There are some questions that will have no answer this side of glory. But they have some good answers that have carried them thus far and will--I'm totally confident--lead them home.
So, how's your theology these days? And how's the work on it coming along?
One of the great theologians of our time is Dr. Wayne Grudem. I had the amazing privilege of taking a class from him at Campus Crusade's summer staff training a few years ago. Dr. Grudem has written an amazing work of Systematic Theology. Great, great depth, combined with a devotional feel to it. Highly recommended. Anyway, his wife battled with one of those debilitating illnesses (fibromyalgia, I think) for years. (Aside: he changed jobs because the move would likely improve her health...there's "headship" for you, guys; would you do that? Alter the trajectory of your entire career and move across the country away from your friends & from the familiar just to improve your wife's health? Too convicting; let's move on...) Imagine watching your spouse fight pain and illness for years on end and know there's nothing you can do about it. And yet, there he was, taking time out of his summer to teach a bunch of amateur theologian-wannabes about the doctrines of God. I'll never forget the experience. Oh sure, some of the teaching answered some of my own theological ponderings and gave me much to chew on. But here's the thing...class after class, difficult concept after difficult concept, he would do a few things. Teach with excellence and clarity, but also he would always refer us to the Bible (not just to his own writings about the Bible). And regularly, he would stop after navigating some very deep theological waters in Scripture and say "Isn't that amazing?? I think we need to sing." Right there, on the campus of Colorado State U., we would stand and sing a hymn or a praise song that he put up on the overhead projector. Other times, he would read a passage, shake his head in amazement, and say something like "remarkable! let's pray..." And he would lead us in a time of prayer of thanksgiving that our God has chosen to reveal truth to hammerheads like us (my words there).
And then there's Paul, who wrote more books in the New Testament than anyone. One of Paul's remarkable letters that covers some very tough ground is the book of Romans. Basically, you have 11 chapters of very deep theology, followed by 5 chapters of very practical application. But I want to emphasize the hinge...the connection between deep theology and practical outworking of one's faith. Notice the end of chapter 11, which itself ends 3 chapters of very deep pondering the sovereignty of God. Here's the great Apostle's summary of 11 chapters of incredible theology:
33 "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! " 34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been his counselor?”
35 “Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” 36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen"
Catch that? Deep theological pondering brings forth this eruption of praise! Far, far from the oft-stated criticism of in depth study ("well, if we study too much, we'll reduce God to an academic subject and lessen His glory somehow..."), Paul's in depth study results in a combination of deep truth and of amazed praise. It's as if he's so blown away by what he knows and by what he doesn't that his humanity can't contain it, so it spills over into praise. So should our Bible study today...
But then, notice the very next verse. And remember, chapters & verses are later additions. This was a letter written to some folks he longed to visit, and he didn't write in chapters & verses! The next thought Paul has after "who has known the mind of the Lord" and "to him be glory forever" is this:
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (12:1-2)
Catch that? The word "therefore"...what's it there for? Paraphrasing, "Therefore, based on these incredible theological truths...because of these deep truths, here's some very practical application..."
I'm convinced that theology always results in practical application, or else it needs further study. And that, to me, is the wonder of theology. Its very usefulness in helping us understanding life & eternity properly...its applicability to the whole of life...its usefulness outside of the Sunday School classroom or church sanctuary. Its great value to those of us who are not professional theologians.
Think of the childlike amazement of Wayne Grudem, who translates from Hebrew & Greek on the fly and can translate into multiple modern translations. Who helped create the English Standard Version of scripture (a really wonderful translation, btw). Who knows all of those big theological words and is up on all of the scholarly debates about what Scripture does (and does not) say. Who has studied and taught theology for decades. And who is still amazed by the wonder of it and is still most interested in its applicability outside of theological circles.
Some concept in the other direction. Think of the bedrock-solid faith of my Mother who has said the lifelong goodbye to three separate husbands. Again, Mom may not have all the jots & tittles of the theological categories filled in such that there are no questions (neither do I, and neither does Wayne Gruden). But her well-studied & -grounded faith is a light to all who enter its circle, and a model for those of us who seek to know how this Christianity thing handles adversity.
And finally, let me assure you that I do not have all of the theological answers to my medical situation. I have prayed, cried, asked the questions, wondered, searched,...and am at complete peace--at least most of the time--about it all. In ways that I'll surely not understand until I "stand in Him, complete" in glory, my illness is absolutely part of the plan of a loving God Who desires to magnify Himself in & through & to all of us. "From Him, and through Him and to Him are all things." (Romans 11:36) I rather doubt that I'm finished asking questions about it, in case you're wondering. And I similarly doubt I'll get decisive answers about it all this side of glory. But, as Job said, "shall I accept good from Him and not accept adversity?"
Celebrate the wonder of theology with me, won't you? For in so doing, we will be drawn ever closer to Him Who is properly both its object and the grantor of wisdom about the subject. And when that happens, we will erupt in praise with Paul.
God, forgive me for pushing Your Word and Your ways into a nice, tidy corner and leaving them there most of the time totally untouched. Grant that I would delve deeply into You at all times and not just when my way is obscured by clouds. Forgive us all for outsourcing things theological to our pastors or favorite authors. Help us say with Paul, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Father, may our very beings erupt in this same sort of praise and wonder and adoration regularly as we ponder daily anew Your work and Your Person. And finally, Lord, show us practical applications as we gain understanding of Your Word and Your ways. Amen.
With awe, wonder, and thanksgiving,
Mike
Sunday, September 28, 2008
For PawPaw
There were these signs I discovered too late, on which one could complete this sentence: "I'm walking for _____" Got me thinking of why I was walking. Multiple reasons...
1. For the W.C.U. Society for the Advancement of Management ("SAM").
This is our student group in the School of Business on campus, and I'm a co-sponsor. So perhaps that was it.
2. For the individual students I told to participate.
Hypocrisy-avoidance, I s'pose.
3. For myself.
Actually a pretty huge reason! As I told several people, walking 3 miles in May, 08 would've been no biggie; In Sept. 08 after my Summer-from-Hades, big deal! So I wanted to prove that I could actually do it.
4. For Dad.
Who died of a heart attack at the age of 47, which is 2 years younger than I am now. (I was 15 when he entered eternity).
5. For Charlie & Mattie Madaris and John & Martha Benton.
My grandparents, each of whom had heart-related issues. Charlie died when I was one, so I don't really remember him. But I definitely remember Mattie, John, & Martha. They all impacted my life significantly in various ways.
6. For Drew.
My cousin, who has devoted his life to being an outstanding cardiologist and helping his patients live longer, fuller lives. I am one of his patients, as are my wife's parents. John & Martha Benton were his grandparents too.
7. For generations of children, both living and not yet here.
These are the ones who, by the grace of God, will not have to say "But I wasn't ready! God, Why??" when their loved one dies from a preventable, treatable heart issue.
8. For the countless Drs., nurses, researchers, and others working to eradicate heart disease.
May their tribe increase, and may the fruits of their labors be great and immediate!
The walk itself was glorious. A couple of my students and a couple of WCU staff walked with me, so the fellowship was great. I also saw a few friends and one former student. The weather was tremendous. Sunny & cool. Basically, it was a very fun way to be part of helping contribute to something huge.
Have you ever imagined a world with no heart illness? I have for years now. I started imagining it when John Benton died from heart illness. Papa was very much loved by us grandkids, and he very much loved us too. At age 9, I began to realize how insidious heart illness is. Then at age 15, the imaginations were re-kindled with great pain. Then a few years later when my grandmothers died when I was in college.
So, Lord willing, I'll be part of the HeartWalk for years to come. For Dad. And Mom the young widow. And Papa. And Granny. And Grandpa. And Grandma. And Jamie, Jerry, James, Anne, and Millie, grandkids who'll not meet their grandpa this side of glory. And all of the others.
And also for myself.
Mike
p.s. - See you @ the gym & on the road & on the bike trail in the next days/weeks/months/years! For the sake of my heart. And yours.
Monday, September 22, 2008
So, yesterday was an easy day of sermons...
Nothing challenging there at all. Easy stuff that all believers do to the fullest, right? Right??
*sighs*
I needed to hear both messages. 2 Timothy has long been a favorite book; Paul's last letter, written to his young apprentice/disciple Timothy. 1 Timothy is Paul saying "so here's how this church thing ought to work" and 2 Timothy is Paul saying "and here's how this Christian life & discipleship thing ought to work."
And of course, Matt. 6 is in the midst of the greatest sermon ever preached. All of the "you have heard/but I say" passages are awesome. And let not anyone slide into the popular thinking that the sermon on the mount was all & only "judge not & you will not be judged." As the guy who discipled me says, "there's a lot of meat in that potato..."
Neither let anyone slide into the popular thinking of "well, Jesus cancelled the law so we can do or not do whatever we want and He'll still love & accept us." Go read Matt. 5-7; you'll not find that thinking in the red letters. Tony quoted C.S. Lewis (paraphrased here): If you enjoy the sermon on the mount, there's something wrong with you!
But in both messages, Tony did his usual blend of encouraging and raising the bar. Funny how preaching the Word does both of those, isn't it?
Anyway, please join me in praying for the Church to rediscover the joys of giving and of disciplemaking. (capital C in "Church," meaning my church, your church, the entire Body of Christ corporately)
Mike
p.s. - It was great to be in actual attendance at the deacons' meeting yesterday afternoon! Been way too long...
p.p.s. - “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:19-21)
p.p.p.s. - "You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." (2 Tim. 2:1-2)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith...
I love this passage. I find it challenging. Haunting. Convicting. That’s because I know so very few leaders for whom the “outcome of their way of life” is worth considering, and whose faith is worthy of imitation.
As of this morning at 2:15 a.m., there’s even one fewer. A long-time friend of my parents’ and of my brother’s and mine entered eternity after a battle with a particularly nasty form of cancer. William D. (“Dewey”) Huddleston’s faith became sight this morning.
And our world…my world…my Mom’s world…and the Body of Christ in general are all the worse for it.
I’ve literally known Mr. Huddleston for as long as I can remember. He was an educator and administrator, and his wife taught with my Mom. His daughter Kathy is just older than my brother, and his daughter Vicky and I are the same age. We went to school together from 2nd grade through high school. Our families have camped together many times.
Mr. Huddleston was an outstanding role model. He has been a leader in multiple ways for most of my life. Excellent husband, loving father, doting grandfather (in the best sense of that phrase), great friend, good thinker (he got a very advanced graduate degree long after most would’ve given up on pursuing such a thing), servant of many, superb deacon, outstanding Christian.
But his impact on me in particular will always be incalculable. Let me try to capture just a bit of that impact.
When my Dad died suddenly, Mr. Huddleston took care of countless yucky matters for my Mom. A 41-year-old widow with 2 clueless high school sons needs men to be around and to be part of helping around the house and with the boys. Mr. Huddleston was one of the main ones I remember.
Relatedly, an insecure 15-year-old whose beloved Dad dies unexpectedly needs mentors and role models. I learned much about being a man, and a Christian, and a husband, and a father from watching and from talking with Mr. Huddleston. I’d love to say the lessons “took” immediately, but that’s not the case with me. But I’ve thought back to Mr. Huddleston’s example often as I’ve grown up/older & have tried to become a godly man. Even asked him some questions along the way, and cherish the wisdom I gained in return.
Despite the many screwups of mine through the years, I was never cast aside by Mr. Huddleston. I was ashamed to be around him at times, for darkness doesn’t like light too much; it’s way too convicting. But he was always a welcoming, calming presence, showing me time and again what genuine grace-filled love looks like. Truth was spoken, to be sure, but never in condemnation. Always undergirded with love. Since I’ve heard of his homegoing this morning, I’ve been remembering how at the gatherings of family friends back home, I always enjoyed getting to chat with Mr. H. We’d talk about family, and about church, and about parenting, and about education, and even about college football! (He was an FSU fan, which is one reason that to this day I can’t really cheer against FSU).
And when I had a success here & there, Mr. Huddleston was there too. Always encouraging and loving. Always interested and asking me about life and school and Lisa and the kids.
Many people talk a good game about being interested in and concerned for others. Mr. Huddleston lived it. And I will always be grateful.
I hate that his last days were pain-filled. But oh my…what an abundant entrance into the glorious presence of our Lord Mr. H. surely experienced this morning! And the pain? Not for him any more forever! For that, I rejoice. The applause of heaven as Max Lucado says? If you heard thunder this morning, that was likely it.
I also hate that I cannot be there this weekend to celebrate his life and to hug his much-beloved wife and daughters and grandkids. He would be embarrassed at all the fuss. Even at this attempt at a tribute. That’s how he was. But without a doubt, his is a life worth celebrating on earth as it surely is celebrated in heaven!
So as of this morning, even my beloved Ft. Walton Beach will feel that much less like home and that much more lonely and distant. There will be a huge gap there that cannot ever be replaced. Dewey Huddleston leaves quite a wake of influence behind. I am so very grateful to have been impacted by that wake for all these years.
I suppose the pain of these goodbyes is a good thing, for it makes us long for the coming permanent, ever-lasting hello. Lewis said (paraphrase alert) that if we find in ourselves a longing that cannot be satisfied in this world, that is because we were made for another world.
Longer ago than that, here’s what John said:
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away.... And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ Also he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ And he said to me, ‘It is done!’” (Rev. 21:1-7)
Thanks for everything, Mr. Huddleston. You made a difference, which is what we are all supposed to do. Thanks for the demonstration of what that looks like. I’m glad you no longer hurt, my friend and mentor. See you on the other side!
With much love and thanksgiving for a life well-lived to the glory of God,
Mike
p.s. – Would you join me in praying for Neva, Kathy & her husband Bruce, and Vicky? And for their 3 grandkids, Brent, Howard, and Marlowe?
p.p.s. – Would you also join me in asking God to raise up men of significance who matter forever in the lives of others? We seem to be growing ever short in that department…
Monday, September 15, 2008
Lessons of the Scars
And then there are those caused by…let’s say “should’ve-known-better-what-were-you-thinking?-stupidity.” This variety of scars shows up predominantly in males. I’ve got one of those, for example, caused by falling out of the back of a jeep rolling along at a pretty good clip…on asphalt…in Jacksonville, FL. (Let’s file the surrounding circumstances under “their sins I will remember no more” and move on, please…*sad sigh*). I have another of those from a burst of the aforementioned stupidity combined with athletic machismo. (I had very little game, but a lot of attitude…) I cut my heel fairly badly while in college. That happens sometimes. What doesn’t usually follow is this: against the better judgment and advice of my girlfriend (who is now my wife), I played an entire softball game instead of heading to the Dr. to get a couple of stitches. (I still remember the sensation of pulling off my cleat and discovering that the wet sensation I had been feeling out in rt. field was not the evening dew, but rather…well, blood., and that I'd need a new pair of cleats for the next game...) Then there’s the fact that I can fairly accurately predict when it’s going to rain because of multiple football games played…tackle, no pads…even in college when we might have known better.
There are other scars that are providentially placed without any overt male stupidity. Life happens under the hand of a mighty, sovereign God, and sometimes scars result.
And then there are the invisible scars. It seems that these are the most painful kind, and the ones that take the longest to heal. Some of these come from family situations, which is tragic. Others come from school situations. Still others from relationships. Frequently, these scars are the result of feeling left out. At times, that particular feeling is more apparent than real; we’ve not really been left after all…but at other times, the leaving is real. And irreversible. I still bear deep scars dating back to December 14, 1974. On that day, my Dad who was/is one of the greatest men I’ve ever known or known of, died suddenly of a heart attack when he was two years younger than I am now, and when I was a fairly insecure 15-year-old. I still don’t know why that happened (oh sure, medically, I know, but in terms of cosmic providence, I do not. And will not, this side of glory.) But here’s the thing about that particular scar—and I believe this applies to other similar scars. Though I don’t know and won’t know why, I eventually realized that my not knowing is OK. After a multi-year season of me protesting and whining and griping and leaving (or trying to, anyway), my God gently and graciously drew me back to truths about Him that I knew and had forgotten. When I cry “Why?? I don’t understand!” my Lord replies “I know…and you won’t understand…but trust Me!” (note: this would have been very little help to me had I been reminded of God’s grace-filled, loving providence on December 15, 1974…come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I was reminded by others, but didn’t care to hear it at that time…) I had some of these same thoughts when my buddy Jason entered glory this summer as a young man…and as another of the great men that I’ve known.
I was thinking of this while putting on a shirt the other day after Lisa doctored one of my most recent surgical scars. I remarked to her, “I look like I lost a knife fight!” (Rest easy; absolutely no pictures of this will be forthcoming here. You’re welcome! *grin*)
Think of the lessons of the scars. Whatever kind of scar.
“That hurt! Don’t do it again!”
After about my 8th sprained ankle, I finally figured out that playing tackle football without pads is not the best plan. And after about the 73rd bike crash, I discovered that slowing down just a bit and not wrecking the bike left me feeling much better than almost making the curve feels. This one also applies to some of the invisible scars. Being stupid with our heart & love hurts! Eventually most of us learn to be a bit more circumspect and to guard our hearts a bit more closely. Because of the scars.
“Remember this; you’re healthier because of it”
Applies to vaccine scars & to some other minor surgery scars. And to some of the relational scars too.
“Let this scar remind you of God’s grace toward you and of the brevity of life”
I have 10 scars related to a particularly scary sort of cancer. Which I am apparently free from now. Dr. Nagen Bellare & his team are awesome! Dr. Pecunia & his surgical team are great! Dr. Steven Conerly & the dermatology group are outstanding! At M.D. Anderson, Dr. Homsi, Dr. Kim, Dr. Hwu (both of them), & Dr. Mehran are wonderful, as are Fe, Meritas, and Jessie the nurse practitioners that I’ve spent some quality time with. M.D. Anderson is a place filled with amazing health care professionals, all dedicated to eradicating cancer. (I love that the phrase “eradicating cancer” appears in their mission statement, and that they really buy into that particular mission. Have you ever prayed for cancer researchers as they go about their work in the lab? I’m newly-mindful of that particular prayer concern) But as marvelous as all of those people are, and as skilled as they are at what they do—and they are very highly skilled!—I am here now because my Lord, the Great Physician, chose to use those people and others as tools in His mighty hands of earthly healing. Note: Dr. Bellare, my local oncologist, told us exactly that at our first appointment with him in 2005. He has repeated it to me in subsequent appointments.
So I rejoice in my 10 cancer-surgery scars, for they remind me to celebrate life and healing and health and skilled medical professionals, all of whom do their thing under the guiding hand of a loving God. Sure, I remember the pain of the surgeries—especially just now as I was re-booting my treadmill & weightlifting program!—but I hope the lessons of the scars always remind me that the pain was temporary and healing in its nature. Even the pain of losing my Dad...although "losing" is probably not the right word, for we know where he is, hallelujah! I pray that I always look past the scars to the One Who providentially ordered that they be necessary. I hope I never forget how utterly dependent I was while laid out in surgery recovery and in IL-2 ICU waiting. And that now that those are past, I am still just as utterly dependent on my God. As are you, by the way. I pray the scars always remind me “to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Finally, I pray that they will always remind me, as the late, great Keith Green said, "life is short; eternity is long..."
What do your scars teach you? Are you listening to their lessons?
Friday, September 12, 2008
I Remember...
…watching the smoke billow…
…watching live as the 2nd plane hit the other tower…
…the rainstorm of papers.
…the collapse of the 2 towers.
…seeing President Bush blanch when he was told of the incident while sitting in a classroom in FL
…the police and firefighters heading toward what all others were desperately trying to escape.
…wondering in a bit of panic where my brother, the United Airlines pilot, was.
…being overwhelmed with joy when I got through to him at his home in CA.(Turns out, he was actually supposed to fly out of Boston that day as did two of the ill-fated planes. *shudders* But he was not scheduled for one of those particular flights. The plane he was to be on had to land at an abandoned airbase in AZ after the order was given to clear all U.S. airspace.)
…the surreal thought of U.S. combat pilots having orders to shoot down any plane flying.
…thinking that the world had surely and irrevocably changed for the worse, and regretting that for my children.
…thinking very deeply about what I believe about the nature of God and man and faith and Christianity and Islam. And having my convictions deepened by the experience.
…the all-too-few days afterward in which we Americans were united & on the same page. Sort of like now…only about 180 degrees different. *sigh*
…the stories and pictures that continued to come out.
…the amazing relief when hearing that tens of thousands got out of the two towers.
…the crushing grief that was felt by the families & friends of the nearly 3,000 who didn’t get out. (I can only imagine the grief, actually. I’ve lost close loved ones, but never to a nasty terrorist attack…)
…the odd sense of triumph in the midst of tragedy as I heard what happened on United Flight 93 when passengers fought back, ultimately crashing the plane in a field in PA rather than on the White House or the Capitol.
…the creepy sensation when I was outside a couple of weeks later and heard/saw the first plane fly overhead since 9/11/01.
…“Freedom was attacked this morning by a faceless coward…”
…feeling very deeply that we should never forget, just as my parents’ generation have never forgotten events of Dec. 7, 1941. I actually did recall Japanese Gen’l Yamamoto’s words just after the Pearl Harbor attack: “I fear all we have done is awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve…”
May Yamamoto’s words be prophetic here, 7 years later, just as they were in 1941.
Take a few minutes & listen to this. I landed on it while radio station surfing on the way to work yesterday morning. (note: I’m not a huge talk radio listener…I find that my blood pressure and my general thoughts about my fellow humans & our political leaders are better when I stay away from that particular media outlet)
But this one took me all the way back to 9/11/01 and the accompanying emotions. It took me a minute to re-compose after this montage of sounds from that day. Particularly the air traffic controllers desperately trying to contact the hijacked planes. And the phone call from inside the WTC. And the firemen trying to contact other teams on the walkie-talkies. Well, just give a listen.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Pictures at an Exhibition
My last group of guys that I coached on the football field are juniors now. Playing varsity football. And contributing.
My last group of ladies that I helped with in basketball are seniors. (Well, thankfully, there's one junior who played varsity in 9th grade...so I have one more year of connection with the program. Thanks, Katie! *smile*)
My daughter is a senior in HS. That's all I have to say about that. (actually, I have much to say about that...but not just yet)
My son turned 20 this past summer, and is in year one of a four-year professional school. (Pharmacy, as my regular reader knows...)
My nephew graduates from U of FL in the next year. Engineering. A 5-year program there.
My other nephew will sit for his 100-ton boat captain's license exam soon. He already has the 50-ton license, which would allow him to captain any charter fishing boat.
I have taught 2 different students/friends in both high school and college.
Children of guys who played football in my college days are now playing. And worse, some of them have finished playing and are now coaching.
Folks I taught back in my youth Sunday School teaching days are...a) married, b) with kids, c) long since finished with college and grad school, d) making nice livings, e) pastoring churches, f) missionaries in difficult foreign countries, g) lawyers & Drs. & nurses & teachers & such.
My hair and my beard are taking on different hues all by themselves. Others pay righteous bucks for this; not me, baby. Nature's all it takes to look this good (or something...)
I have 10 different surgical scars that are cancer related. (4 from 3 years ago, & 6 from this summer)
I have personally had the following "old people" medical procedures...all in 2008! CT scan of chest/abdomen/pelvis (multiple times)...Brain MRI (twice)...needle biopsy of lung (twice)...upper & lower GI series...cholesterol & liver screen (bloodwork...multiple times)...high-dose IL-2 (2 cycles)...lung function test...dobutamine echocardiogram...video-assisted thoracic surgery (twice)...worn oxygen in a hospital bed out of necessity (a few times during IL-2)...had a PICC line installed to run IV from upper arm directly to my heart(twice)...been rolled out of hospital or clinic in a wheelchair (multiple times)...worn a Holter heart monitor for 24 hours...CT-A and MR-A (whatever those are...a variant of CT & MRI)...P.E.T. scan (multiple times)...had to blow on the dadburn incentive spirometer a zillion times to help restore lung function & tissue...chest x-ray (multiple times)...plus, I know exactly how the parking passes @ M.D. Anderson work, and can find my way around that massive facility pretty well (I'm less good at navigating the hospital part; I blame anesthesia + IL-2 for that...)
I know people who retired when they were my age. (In case you're wondering, let's just say that "retirement" won't be happening any time soon @ Casa Madaris...*sigh*)
The phrase "empty nesters" will be accurate for Lisa & me in about 11 months. Which brings 2 reactions: (a) how in the world can Lisa & I be on the cusp of an empty nest, for crying out loud?? (b) while she is my best friend and we dearly enjoy each other's company, we're not particularly looking forward to both of our babies living somewhere else...*huge sigh*
Both of my children will vote in the upcoming presidential election.
My HS class had our 30th class reunion...in the Fall of 2007!!!
I graduated from high school the year my new pastor was born. (Just thought of that one...now I'm really bummed...*grin*)
I've lived in the house we're in now much longer than I've ever lived in any other house in my lifetime.
Amidst all the hullabaloo over Sen. Obama misstating the number of states in the USA, I was reminded that when I was born, there were only 48! (hey, don't laugh...one day your kids/grandkids will be amazed that Puerto & American Samoa were once merely "territories" & not part of the USA...)
I occasionally get up early in the morning (4-430 a.m.) and come lie on the floor because my back is sore. Of course, I partly blame our mattress for this.
A guy that was an undergrad student at Alabama after I left & took my first job in Indiana is now Dean of the School of Business @ USM.
I'm so old that I remember watching USM's football team before Brett Favre showed up. And I definitely remember watching the Green Bay Packers before he got there...I am a lifelong fan, going back to the Bart Starr/Jim Taylor/Paul Hornung/Ray Nitschke/Vince Lombardi - era Packers. (Aside: Thus, this oft-stated sentence in H'burg totally doesn't compute with me: "I was a die-hard Packer fan, but then Brett left, so I'm tossing all my Packer stuff..." In case you're wondering, that is not a die-hard Packer fan.)
I remember Super Bowl I. My Roman numeral knowledge ends about about XX, so I haven't the vaguest clue what Super Bowl will be played in 2009, but I remember the first one.
(I'm sure there are others; that's the only ones I can think of right at the moment...I'd ask for other suggestions from you, but I'm already too dadburn depressed now...*grin*) Seriously, a summer like the one I've had causes one to ponder much on the passage of time and brevity of life. The late great Keith Green said it best: "life is short; eternity is long."
Know that I plan on enjoying the time I have left--however much that may be--even more than I've enjoyed these first 4(garbled) years. This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it!
Want to help? Let's eat, and drink coffee, and watch football, and go hunting, and worship, and hang out, and go on mission trips, and fish, and listen to live jazz, and talk of life, love, and other mysteries. You in?
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Some pix of interest
"James Madaris, University of Mississippi, Pharmacy Student"
"chill-out" retreat locations anywhere!
Inside Jim & Dorothy's place.
And again. Doesn't it just scream "y'all come sit a spell & stay awhile...and don't worry about anything!"?
My girls. Aren't they gorgeous??
Me & my favorite HS senior. Those of you with little bitty kidlings at the house, make sure to enjoy each stage of the journey, for verily, it goes by oh-so-fast...*heavy sigh*
The HS senior with flash directly in her face.
A Boy and his dangerous, killer dog (shhh...Beau the dog [short for "Beauregard"] doesn't know he's a squirt!...*grin*). Beau is a miniature pinscher. Regrettably, as already noted, he (Beau) sometimes doesn't think he's a "miniature" anything...thinks he's a big tough guy. He's a cute as he can be, with a great little sassy personality. BTW, Beau is about as big as he's going to get. He might've added another pound or so, but he'll always look like "Honey, I shrunk the dog..."
Me & my girls at our house just after my most recent journey to Houston.
One of my all-time favorite pics of James. We were up there for a quick day-trip visit that included visiting with the head football coach (see below). As we were walking by, we noticed that (a) Vaught-Hemingway stadium was open, and (b) nobody was watching the gate. So, naturally, in the interest of academic research, *clears throat* we were compelled to walk onto the field & take a few pictures. Something about forgiveness v. permission...*grin*
Standing in the end zone, near where James & other students encourage the Rebs on home game Saturdays, and...*searches*..."discourage" (yeah, that's a good & kind word...) the visiting team's players at the same time.
Rebel football player Chuckie Mullins was severely injured in the late 80s while making a tackle for the Rebs and never walked again. He lived several more years and was a huge inspiration to many. This is where the Rebs enter the field on game day, walking past Chuckie's "Never Quit" motto.
I don't think this will get me in trouble w/ my alma mater, given the compelling story of Chuckie Mullins, but I'm not sure about that...*smile* Funny, I don't recall putting on the flack jacket under my shirt that day. *sigh* Rest assured, there's less of me now than there was then. Still a work in progress, getting back down to, um, my "playing weight," let's say.
A very, very cool picture of James & me with Rebel head football coach Houston Nutt taken in Coach Nutt's office. My dear friend Eddie Baker had the meeting set up with Coach Nutt for purposes related to our church's Upward flag football program. Eddie invited James & me to tag along; after praying about it for a second and a half, we agreed to go. *smile* I did not tell Coach Nutt that I'm a 3-time Bama grad & lifelong fan of the Crimson Tide; I did wish him well and tell him that James is a junior @ Ole Miss. Whatever one thinks of Coach Nutt is fine; but here's a simple little photo-op that he didn't have to be part of and that will always be viewed as really cool by James & me. James was already a fan since Coach Nutt is now HC of the Rebs; I'm a fan because James is a fan, and because of this photo-op. As I told James, I hope the Rebs go 11-1 every year...*grin* Wait...they lost yesterday, so let's call it 10-2 this year.
Happiness is not having to go here...*points up* (But we are so very grateful for what that place means to us, and what they have done for us this summer)
So, now you know more than you wanted to about how I spent the latter part of my summer vacation. (Hey, at least I didn't include pictures of surgery wounds, IV bags & poles, me in support hose, and other more unsavory images of my summer...*smile*)
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Be Afraid...be kind of afraid...
But seriously...what do you want to talk about now? *huge grin*
We made it home through the Gustav-hammered woods of S. LA. Rest assured, a "minor hurricane" is sort of like a "minor surgical procedure": it happens to someone else & therefore it's minor to me. Much, much prayer and mercy mission work is needed in S. LA. We saw homes flooded & w/ trees in/on the house...businesses torn up...power lines down...roads washed away...such a journey is depressing! And we were quite a ways inland...one shudders to think of life down on the coastal areas of SW LA.
We saw one store at a crossroads in the woods of LA that was pumping gas. The enterprising store owner had apparently purchased one of those big generators. They were cooking food & selling it as fast as it came out of the fryer. We were just grateful for the gasoline, as there were very, very few places up & running, and all of them had very major lines of cars & trucks awaiting. While in the line to pay at the store, I had a very pleasant chat w/ a guy wearing LSU stuff. (I was wearing Crimson Tide stuff) Anyway, as I say, a very pleasant chat.
Hurricanes bring out the best (usually) and the worst (occasionally) in people, don't they?
I have now officially taught each of my classes. I remained more or less coherent through both (students may privately supply their own punch lines here), and felt good in the process. Thus far, I am 2-for-2 in days walking. Not far, mind you, but walking still. Sam the dog helps. Sort of. He also provides major nap temptation by just making a nap look and seem like such a great idea.
Anne's all bummed out, because it seems I'll be able to drive my self to & from work beginning Monday. Thus, only one more day of "Driving Mr. Dad" for her. Beginning Monday, she'll be able to (a) leave at her regular time in the morning, and (b) eat lunch with her friends with abandon, not having to worry about coming back to WCU to fetch me. Somehow, she'll just have to make do after tomorrow...*smile*
I even went to church Wed. night--which was great! I also participated in a committee meeting. (Important note: our pastor search committee is disbanded, praise God! The goateed one is here with us now. Full time. No further searching required. So this was not the pastor search committee...)
Got to spend a little time enroute to church and at church with my buddy Tim Carley & his lovely bride Mary Margaret and their daughters. (Despite having 4 kids to corral, they still came to give me a ride to church...) Prior to January, I think I had allowed myself through sheer inertia to forget how vitally life-giving it is (to me, anyway) to spend time with close friends. If you're a close friend, (a) forgive me, and (b) prepare to drink coffee & eat meals & chat & watch football & go fishing/hunting & watch football & such with me in the days, weeks, months, years, decades to come. Among the many huge blessings of this recent wilderness is being reminded again and again how very blessed I am in terms of friends who love in prayer, word, and deed. Thanks to all of you who have helped re-teach me that lesson!
Was chatting with a friend earlier this week--a fellow melanoma survivor--and we got to this sobering reality. "Cancer-free" really means "cancer-free-at-this-moment-in-time." And only God Himself knows how long "this moment" will last. There, ladies & gents, is the reality of the shadow that will haunt for the rest of my days.
So, does that mean all of us with the scarlet C on our medical chart live in fear? Not on your life!! Instead--in my case--it makes me all the more mindful of life's brevity, which is a great thing to be mindful of now & then. It also compels gratitude in a totally refreshing way. As cliche as it may be, the C word with its lifelong shadow calls forth thanksgiving throughout each day. This is, of course, as it should be. We ought to live lives full of gratitude! When's the last time you found yourself being thankful for the following?
--rain (we've had a bunch lately, but isn't everything nice & green?)
--the engineering reality that says "put a key here, turn it, shift gears, and drive anywhere you want"
--whomever it was that taught you to read
--gifted writers
--phones--many in our pockets--that enable us to stay connected with loved ones at a moment's notice
--your friends
--your family
--your extended family
--the mere existence of God and His presence in & around your life?
--a cool drink of water
--a front porch with chairs on it
--clouds
--sun
--technology that allows us to be somewhat sure ahead of time about where a hurricane is likely to go, even when it's still out in the middle of the Atlantic
--coffee
--popcorn
--TV, even with the vacuous drivel that occupies so much of the weekly schedule
--the reality that in a couple of months we will elect a new government, and a couple of months later, that government will be installed without gunfire or bloodshed...look around today's world--this is truly a remarkable thing!
--as friends of ours used to sing, "I am free...I've been redeemed..."
--a printed Bible of your very own...this was not the norm for 1500 years or so
--food (is it bad to have a healthy turkey burger & then chase that with ice cream? Just wondering...)
C-word & its lifelong shadow aside, a day is coming when this life will cease for every one of us. So, if you've had perfect health for decades, rejoice! And be ever mindful that it's a certainty that "good health" doesn't mean "this life will last forever." So live in the present tense and enjoy today, for this is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it!
A favorite song that was on my mind driving through the woods of S. LA Tuesday...that definitely called forth thanksgiving!
(lyrics excerpt starts)
...1 day...2 days...3 days had passed...Could it be that Jesus had breathed His last? Could it be that His Father had forsaken Him? Turned His back on His son, despising our sin? All Hell seemed to whisper, 'forget Him! He's dead'...
Then the Father looked down at His Son and said, 'Arise, My Love...Arise, My Love...the grave no longer has a hold on You! No more death sting! No more suffering...Arise, Arise My Love'...
As dead men, the guards stood there in fright, as the power of love displayed its might...then suddenly a melody filled the air, riding wings of wind, it was everywhere...the words all creation had been longing to hear...the sweet sound of victory, so loud and clear!...'Arise, My Love'...
Sin--where are your shackles? Death--where is your sting? Hell--has been defeated! The grave could not hold the King!"
(lyrics excerpt ends)
That song...those words by Newsong..."Arise, My Love" has been making my throat & eyes fill up for years now...and I am so thankful! (saw Newsong in concert years ago, and when they fired up "Arise, My Love," it was one of the all-time great concert moments that I have experienced!)Living under a shadow? Sure! Like all of us do. But fear? Not when I remember the reality captured in the last lines of that song. Pray with me that we all would live in the glorious shadow of the brevity of our lives and of the truth about Who has the last word on all of this. And pray also that I'd always live with an overwhelming sense of joy and thanksgiving, wherever the road may lead in the future.
I'm off to make coffee for my beloved (OK...I'll have a couple of cups myself...) and enjoy the morning with thanksgiving. May it always be so, Lord!
Selah.
Mike
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The Checklist:
Check
--cute teddy bear issued by MDA thoracic surgery dept to support chest during travel & coughing & such?
Check
--unshowered head desperately in need of multiple showers?
Check (btw to all concerned parties, upon arrival in H'burg this afternoon, I will be free to shower with abandon. Thus, from the time we arrive home until our hot water runs out, I'll be, um, unavailable...*smile*)
--best-looking chauffer on the road today?
Check *grin*
--alternate route designed to avoid a subset of the thousands of cars returning home to S. MS & S. LA?
Check (confidence is low here; as Lisa noted, the natives of S. LA will surely know the alternate routes too...*sigh*)
--pain pills?
Negative! Don't need 'em! *knocks on wood* (they're in the car just in case...)
--ipod with itrip connector?
Check!! (if you're wondering, the day's music will begin with Leslie West's smoking-hot electric version of the blues classic "Stormy Monday," followed by his smoking-hot version of the blues song "If Heartaches Were Nickels." Note that neither my lovely driver nor I are feeling "bluesy" in the slightest; we both really like blues music, and Leslie West is--imho--one of the all-time great blues rock guitarists--see "Mississippi Queen" by Mountain for example; that's him. Now you know...)
--movie to return to Blockbuster?
Check ("Bucket List"...great flick!)
--prayers of many friends?
Check! (I hope)
Annnnnnnd, we're off.
See you from the Burg!
Mike
Monday, September 1, 2008
Gustav, Schmustav...
Much better on the pain front today. Slept pretty well last night. I'd like to say that took care of all sleep needs for this day, but...it didn't. A power nap was required earlier this afternoon.
Regrettably, the meds plus the entire ordeal made me have to go to sleep in the midst of the 2nd half of the Bama-Clemson game we were watching on TV Sunday night. Luckily, the total thrashing/domination was long secured before I crashed. What's that? Why, no, it wasn't the top 10 Clemson winning...they were the ones getting beat like a tied-up goat...a favorite stat from the game: top-ranking duo of RBs in the country pre-season: zero yards net rushing for the evening. Nary a positive rushing yard. *huge grin* (Rooooooooooooll...Tide! Roll!...*grins again*) Regrettably, I was not able to welcome the Fedora era in person @ USM. Luckily, I'll be able to make future games. Regrettably, James had to welcome the Nutt era in to Vaught-Hemingway stadium without me. Luckily, (a) we got our picture made w/ Coach Nutt back in the summer in Coach N's office, which was very cool, and (b) I'll be able to make future games there. Regrettably, this trip means that I was not manning the effects board at PCS' 1st home game Friday night. Luckily, I'll be there loud & proud for the rest of the games. (Um...*searches*...luckily, there will be other MSU games, let's just say...*clears throat*...and I'm hoping to be there too)
So, yeah...it is that wonderful time of year when my calendar is dominated by football. We watched college football for hours Saturday--is this a great country, or what? It's also that not-so-wonderful season called "hurricane season." We've spent hours watching the weather channel today, trying to figure how to get from here to H'burg with a Cat 3 storm rolling ashore between us...We still have no idea at present, btw. But the plan is to roll out of here tomorrow morning, under the theory that Gustav will be far enough inland for us to navigate the roads. We do have an alternate route planned through the woods of LA in order to try to avoid the traffic heading back to S. LA & S. MS. We'll see. (I, of course, cannot drive yet; prayers for Lisa are most welcome! A dear friend told his wife before, "your job is just to sit there and look pretty..." I'll have trouble with both parts--just sitting there and with looking pretty. Oh well...)
Oh, yeah, there's also this:
Thanks for continuing to pray us home! Y'all didn't know when you said "I'll pray for you" what all that would mean, did you? Who knew "safe travel through a killer hurricane's aftermath" would go alongside "2nd lung surgery recovery"? *smile* Again, I tell you, we're ready for exhiliratingly normal routine for a while!
Hope Gustav is treating all of you midsouth'ers well. Thanks for all you've done for us!
In His glorious grip,
Mike