Monday, December 8, 2008

Just a reminder...

...that I've transferred over to my other blog, mmbeachbum.blogspot.com. (Thus, this is also an invitation!)

Click >>>here<<< to get there.

Be forewarned, though, that I occasionally bloviate there about things in addition to medical things...*grin*.

Thanks for reading, and especially for praying!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I'm still here!

But now I'm over here.

Come on in! The water's fine!

*grin*

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

So, here's what I'm thinking...

...this blog is called "pray for Mike."

Naturally, I'll take all the prayers I can get, even when I don't have my neck in the cancer noose. *smile* (And btw, we all need to be men & women of prayer even when the road is relatively smooth).

However, this site was created to update any interested parties on my medical situation. Now that my medical situation has stabilized a bit (praise God!!) I'm planning to head back over to my "regular" blog for my continued musings/ramblings. It's found here, should you be interested. Come on over & dive in with me; the water's great! *grin*

Before stepping away from here though, I will never ever be able to come close to repaying all of the prayers, encouraging words, acts of service, monetary gifts, and such that have come our way. And that's just the ones that we know about. Only God knows every prayer offered on our behalf. Only He knows the source of the anonymous donations as well as the known donations.

From the very depths of my soul, THANK YOU!! You have made a difference in the life of the Madaris family this year. May God, Who sees in secret, repay you many times over. Be blessed, my friends.

And to a writer...or even a writer wannabe like myself!...there is not a greater feeling than just knowing one's words are being read. Thank you for blessing my heart by reading here. Hope to see you over on the beach! (http://mmbeachbum.blogspot.com)

In His Grip,
Mike

p.s. - I'm not closing this one down; only God knows when medical stuff will arise again. But I'll be found over @ the other site.

p.p.s. - I view you, my friends, as Paul viewed Onesiphorous ("On-e-si-four-us"):

May the Lord grant mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, for he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains, but when he arrived in Rome he searched for me earnestly and found me—may the Lord grant him to find mercy from the Lord on that Day!—and you well know all the service he rendered at Ephesus. (2 Timothy 1:16-18)

The Wonder of Theology

A while back, I wrote about how we "outsource" our theology & theological ponderings to pastors & favorite writers. *raises hand* Guilty! Studying the Word and thinking deeply about what we find there is difficult at times. Oh, sure, the stuff about the amazing love of God is tremendous and sits lightly on our souls. (In fact, one could argue that we spend far too little time & thought pondering God's love for us...but that's another post for another day). But there are parts of the Word...and of a biblical understanding of God & His dealings with us...that are challenging to get our minds around. So, all too often, we consign such things to the "pros"--pastors & favorite writers--and don't really bother. As Chesterton said, "the Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried."

And then the clouds form and storms rise, and we find out just what our theological foundation really is worth, and how much (or little...*clears throat*) we have invested in developing it.

At the risk of embarrassing 2 great ladies, let me illustrate this point by stating that these 2 invested much in understanding God and His Word in the sunshine of their lives. Thus, when the mighty, terrifying storms of sudden widowhood broke, their theological foundation stood and the anchor held (to quote the old Gospel song). Sure, they grieved...they still grieve. They asked questions. They did...they do...all the "normal" things one would expect in that situation. But in the midst of that particular storm that overpowers many, they are standing strong and demonstrating to all of us the great value of nailing down the difficult parts of one's own theology. Thanks, Mom & Stephanie, for challenging the rest of us by your lives to be theologians. Neither of these 2 ladies would say she has all the answers! There are some questions that will have no answer this side of glory. But they have some good answers that have carried them thus far and will--I'm totally confident--lead them home.

So, how's your theology these days? And how's the work on it coming along?

One of the great theologians of our time is Dr. Wayne Grudem. I had the amazing privilege of taking a class from him at Campus Crusade's summer staff training a few years ago. Dr. Grudem has written an amazing work of Systematic Theology. Great, great depth, combined with a devotional feel to it. Highly recommended. Anyway, his wife battled with one of those debilitating illnesses (fibromyalgia, I think) for years. (Aside: he changed jobs because the move would likely improve her health...there's "headship" for you, guys; would you do that? Alter the trajectory of your entire career and move across the country away from your friends & from the familiar just to improve your wife's health? Too convicting; let's move on...) Imagine watching your spouse fight pain and illness for years on end and know there's nothing you can do about it. And yet, there he was, taking time out of his summer to teach a bunch of amateur theologian-wannabes about the doctrines of God. I'll never forget the experience. Oh sure, some of the teaching answered some of my own theological ponderings and gave me much to chew on. But here's the thing...class after class, difficult concept after difficult concept, he would do a few things. Teach with excellence and clarity, but also he would always refer us to the Bible (not just to his own writings about the Bible). And regularly, he would stop after navigating some very deep theological waters in Scripture and say "Isn't that amazing?? I think we need to sing." Right there, on the campus of Colorado State U., we would stand and sing a hymn or a praise song that he put up on the overhead projector. Other times, he would read a passage, shake his head in amazement, and say something like "remarkable! let's pray..." And he would lead us in a time of prayer of thanksgiving that our God has chosen to reveal truth to hammerheads like us (my words there).

And then there's Paul, who wrote more books in the New Testament than anyone. One of Paul's remarkable letters that covers some very tough ground is the book of Romans. Basically, you have 11 chapters of very deep theology, followed by 5 chapters of very practical application. But I want to emphasize the hinge...the connection between deep theology and practical outworking of one's faith. Notice the end of chapter 11, which itself ends 3 chapters of very deep pondering the sovereignty of God. Here's the great Apostle's summary of 11 chapters of incredible theology:

33 "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! " 34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been his counselor?”
35 “Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” 36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen"

Catch that? Deep theological pondering brings forth this eruption of praise! Far, far from the oft-stated criticism of in depth study ("well, if we study too much, we'll reduce God to an academic subject and lessen His glory somehow..."), Paul's in depth study results in a combination of deep truth and of amazed praise. It's as if he's so blown away by what he knows and by what he doesn't that his humanity can't contain it, so it spills over into praise. So should our Bible study today...

But then, notice the very next verse. And remember, chapters & verses are later additions. This was a letter written to some folks he longed to visit, and he didn't write in chapters & verses! The next thought Paul has after "who has known the mind of the Lord" and "to him be glory forever" is this:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
(12:1-2)

Catch that? The word "therefore"...what's it there for? Paraphrasing, "Therefore, based on these incredible theological truths...because of these deep truths, here's some very practical application..."

I'm convinced that theology always results in practical application, or else it needs further study. And that, to me, is the wonder of theology. Its very usefulness in helping us understanding life & eternity properly...its applicability to the whole of life...its usefulness outside of the Sunday School classroom or church sanctuary. Its great value to those of us who are not professional theologians.

Think of the childlike amazement of Wayne Grudem, who translates from Hebrew & Greek on the fly and can translate into multiple modern translations. Who helped create the English Standard Version of scripture (a really wonderful translation, btw). Who knows all of those big theological words and is up on all of the scholarly debates about what Scripture does (and does not) say. Who has studied and taught theology for decades. And who is still amazed by the wonder of it and is still most interested in its applicability outside of theological circles.

Some concept in the other direction. Think of the bedrock-solid faith of my Mother who has said the lifelong goodbye to three separate husbands. Again, Mom may not have all the jots & tittles of the theological categories filled in such that there are no questions (neither do I, and neither does Wayne Gruden). But her well-studied & -grounded faith is a light to all who enter its circle, and a model for those of us who seek to know how this Christianity thing handles adversity.

And finally, let me assure you that I do not have all of the theological answers to my medical situation. I have prayed, cried, asked the questions, wondered, searched,...and am at complete peace--at least most of the time--about it all. In ways that I'll surely not understand until I "stand in Him, complete" in glory, my illness is absolutely part of the plan of a loving God Who desires to magnify Himself in & through & to all of us. "From Him, and through Him and to Him are all things." (Romans 11:36) I rather doubt that I'm finished asking questions about it, in case you're wondering. And I similarly doubt I'll get decisive answers about it all this side of glory. But, as Job said, "shall I accept good from Him and not accept adversity?"

Celebrate the wonder of theology with me, won't you? For in so doing, we will be drawn ever closer to Him Who is properly both its object and the grantor of wisdom about the subject. And when that happens, we will erupt in praise with Paul.

God, forgive me for pushing Your Word and Your ways into a nice, tidy corner and leaving them there most of the time totally untouched. Grant that I would delve deeply into You at all times and not just when my way is obscured by clouds. Forgive us all for outsourcing things theological to our pastors or favorite authors. Help us say with Paul, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Father, may our very beings erupt in this same sort of praise and wonder and adoration regularly as we ponder daily anew Your work and Your Person. And finally, Lord, show us practical applications as we gain understanding of Your Word and Your ways. Amen.

With awe, wonder, and thanksgiving,
Mike

Sunday, September 28, 2008

For PawPaw

That was a sign worn by a lady at yesterday's HeartWalk on the USM campus. (Aside: yes indeed...I made it all 3 miles with no worries at all! Now back to the sign and the Heartwalk...)

There were these signs I discovered too late, on which one could complete this sentence: "I'm walking for _____" Got me thinking of why I was walking. Multiple reasons...

1. For the W.C.U. Society for the Advancement of Management ("SAM").
This is our student group in the School of Business on campus, and I'm a co-sponsor. So perhaps that was it.

2. For the individual students I told to participate.
Hypocrisy-avoidance, I s'pose.

3. For myself.
Actually a pretty huge reason! As I told several people, walking 3 miles in May, 08 would've been no biggie; In Sept. 08 after my Summer-from-Hades, big deal! So I wanted to prove that I could actually do it.

4. For Dad.
Who died of a heart attack at the age of 47, which is 2 years younger than I am now. (I was 15 when he entered eternity).

5. For Charlie & Mattie Madaris and John & Martha Benton.
My grandparents, each of whom had heart-related issues. Charlie died when I was one, so I don't really remember him. But I definitely remember Mattie, John, & Martha. They all impacted my life significantly in various ways.

6. For Drew.
My cousin, who has devoted his life to being an outstanding cardiologist and helping his patients live longer, fuller lives. I am one of his patients, as are my wife's parents. John & Martha Benton were his grandparents too.

7. For generations of children, both living and not yet here.
These are the ones who, by the grace of God, will not have to say "But I wasn't ready! God, Why??" when their loved one dies from a preventable, treatable heart issue.

8. For the countless Drs., nurses, researchers, and others working to eradicate heart disease.
May their tribe increase, and may the fruits of their labors be great and immediate!

The walk itself was glorious. A couple of my students and a couple of WCU staff walked with me, so the fellowship was great. I also saw a few friends and one former student. The weather was tremendous. Sunny & cool. Basically, it was a very fun way to be part of helping contribute to something huge.

Have you ever imagined a world with no heart illness? I have for years now. I started imagining it when John Benton died from heart illness. Papa was very much loved by us grandkids, and he very much loved us too. At age 9, I began to realize how insidious heart illness is. Then at age 15, the imaginations were re-kindled with great pain. Then a few years later when my grandmothers died when I was in college.

So, Lord willing, I'll be part of the HeartWalk for years to come. For Dad. And Mom the young widow. And Papa. And Granny. And Grandpa. And Grandma. And Jamie, Jerry, James, Anne, and Millie, grandkids who'll not meet their grandpa this side of glory. And all of the others.

And also for myself.

Mike

p.s. - See you @ the gym & on the road & on the bike trail in the next days/weeks/months/years! For the sake of my heart. And yours.

Monday, September 22, 2008

So, yesterday was an easy day of sermons...

...the morning one was about Jesus' words in Matt. 6 on giving, and the evening one was from 2 Timothy 1-2 on multiplying discipleship.

Nothing challenging there at all. Easy stuff that all believers do to the fullest, right? Right??

*sighs*

I needed to hear both messages. 2 Timothy has long been a favorite book; Paul's last letter, written to his young apprentice/disciple Timothy. 1 Timothy is Paul saying "so here's how this church thing ought to work" and 2 Timothy is Paul saying "and here's how this Christian life & discipleship thing ought to work."

And of course, Matt. 6 is in the midst of the greatest sermon ever preached. All of the "you have heard/but I say" passages are awesome. And let not anyone slide into the popular thinking that the sermon on the mount was all & only "judge not & you will not be judged." As the guy who discipled me says, "there's a lot of meat in that potato..."

Neither let anyone slide into the popular thinking of "well, Jesus cancelled the law so we can do or not do whatever we want and He'll still love & accept us." Go read Matt. 5-7; you'll not find that thinking in the red letters. Tony quoted C.S. Lewis (paraphrased here): If you enjoy the sermon on the mount, there's something wrong with you!

But in both messages, Tony did his usual blend of encouraging and raising the bar. Funny how preaching the Word does both of those, isn't it?

Anyway, please join me in praying for the Church to rediscover the joys of giving and of disciplemaking. (capital C in "Church," meaning my church, your church, the entire Body of Christ corporately)

Mike

p.s. - It was great to be in actual attendance at the deacons' meeting yesterday afternoon! Been way too long...

p.p.s. - “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt. 6:19-21)

p.p.p.s. - "You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." (2 Tim. 2:1-2)

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith...

“Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:7-8

I love this passage. I find it challenging. Haunting. Convicting. That’s because I know so very few leaders for whom the “outcome of their way of life” is worth considering, and whose faith is worthy of imitation.

As of this morning at 2:15 a.m., there’s even one fewer. A long-time friend of my parents’ and of my brother’s and mine entered eternity after a battle with a particularly nasty form of cancer. William D. (“Dewey”) Huddleston’s faith became sight this morning.

And our world…my world…my Mom’s world…and the Body of Christ in general are all the worse for it.

I’ve literally known Mr. Huddleston for as long as I can remember. He was an educator and administrator, and his wife taught with my Mom. His daughter Kathy is just older than my brother, and his daughter Vicky and I are the same age. We went to school together from 2nd grade through high school. Our families have camped together many times.

Mr. Huddleston was an outstanding role model. He has been a leader in multiple ways for most of my life. Excellent husband, loving father, doting grandfather (in the best sense of that phrase), great friend, good thinker (he got a very advanced graduate degree long after most would’ve given up on pursuing such a thing), servant of many, superb deacon, outstanding Christian.

But his impact on me in particular will always be incalculable. Let me try to capture just a bit of that impact.

When my Dad died suddenly, Mr. Huddleston took care of countless yucky matters for my Mom. A 41-year-old widow with 2 clueless high school sons needs men to be around and to be part of helping around the house and with the boys. Mr. Huddleston was one of the main ones I remember.

Relatedly, an insecure 15-year-old whose beloved Dad dies unexpectedly needs mentors and role models. I learned much about being a man, and a Christian, and a husband, and a father from watching and from talking with Mr. Huddleston. I’d love to say the lessons “took” immediately, but that’s not the case with me. But I’ve thought back to Mr. Huddleston’s example often as I’ve grown up/older & have tried to become a godly man. Even asked him some questions along the way, and cherish the wisdom I gained in return.

Despite the many screwups of mine through the years, I was never cast aside by Mr. Huddleston. I was ashamed to be around him at times, for darkness doesn’t like light too much; it’s way too convicting. But he was always a welcoming, calming presence, showing me time and again what genuine grace-filled love looks like. Truth was spoken, to be sure, but never in condemnation. Always undergirded with love. Since I’ve heard of his homegoing this morning, I’ve been remembering how at the gatherings of family friends back home, I always enjoyed getting to chat with Mr. H. We’d talk about family, and about church, and about parenting, and about education, and even about college football! (He was an FSU fan, which is one reason that to this day I can’t really cheer against FSU).

And when I had a success here & there, Mr. Huddleston was there too. Always encouraging and loving. Always interested and asking me about life and school and Lisa and the kids.

Many people talk a good game about being interested in and concerned for others. Mr. Huddleston lived it. And I will always be grateful.

I hate that his last days were pain-filled. But oh my…what an abundant entrance into the glorious presence of our Lord Mr. H. surely experienced this morning! And the pain? Not for him any more forever! For that, I rejoice. The applause of heaven as Max Lucado says? If you heard thunder this morning, that was likely it.

I also hate that I cannot be there this weekend to celebrate his life and to hug his much-beloved wife and daughters and grandkids. He would be embarrassed at all the fuss. Even at this attempt at a tribute. That’s how he was. But without a doubt, his is a life worth celebrating on earth as it surely is celebrated in heaven!

So as of this morning, even my beloved Ft. Walton Beach will feel that much less like home and that much more lonely and distant. There will be a huge gap there that cannot ever be replaced. Dewey Huddleston leaves quite a wake of influence behind. I am so very grateful to have been impacted by that wake for all these years.

I suppose the pain of these goodbyes is a good thing, for it makes us long for the coming permanent, ever-lasting hello. Lewis said (paraphrase alert) that if we find in ourselves a longing that cannot be satisfied in this world, that is because we were made for another world.

Longer ago than that, here’s what John said:
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away.... And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ Also he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ And he said to me, ‘It is done!’” (Rev. 21:1-7)

Thanks for everything, Mr. Huddleston. You made a difference, which is what we are all supposed to do. Thanks for the demonstration of what that looks like. I’m glad you no longer hurt, my friend and mentor. See you on the other side!

With much love and thanksgiving for a life well-lived to the glory of God,
Mike

p.s. – Would you join me in praying for Neva, Kathy & her husband Bruce, and Vicky? And for their 3 grandkids, Brent, Howard, and Marlowe?

p.p.s. – Would you also join me in asking God to raise up men of significance who matter forever in the lives of others? We seem to be growing ever short in that department…

Monday, September 15, 2008

Lessons of the Scars

We all (probably) have some. Those of us who were stupid young boys (wish there were a more delicate way to phrase that…) have a number. I have scars from just the typical male growing up…skinned knees, oyster-shell cuts (pretty much required when you grow up in/on the Choctawhatchee Bay as I did), bike-wreck reminders, etc. Then there are the ones inflicted intentionally by medical personnel: vaccinations, moles removed, etc.

And then there are those caused by…let’s say “should’ve-known-better-what-were-you-thinking?-stupidity.” This variety of scars shows up predominantly in males. I’ve got one of those, for example, caused by falling out of the back of a jeep rolling along at a pretty good clip…on asphalt…in Jacksonville, FL. (Let’s file the surrounding circumstances under “their sins I will remember no more” and move on, please…*sad sigh*). I have another of those from a burst of the aforementioned stupidity combined with athletic machismo. (I had very little game, but a lot of attitude…) I cut my heel fairly badly while in college. That happens sometimes. What doesn’t usually follow is this: against the better judgment and advice of my girlfriend (who is now my wife), I played an entire softball game instead of heading to the Dr. to get a couple of stitches. (I still remember the sensation of pulling off my cleat and discovering that the wet sensation I had been feeling out in rt. field was not the evening dew, but rather…well, blood., and that I'd need a new pair of cleats for the next game...) Then there’s the fact that I can fairly accurately predict when it’s going to rain because of multiple football games played…tackle, no pads…even in college when we might have known better.

There are other scars that are providentially placed without any overt male stupidity. Life happens under the hand of a mighty, sovereign God, and sometimes scars result.

And then there are the invisible scars. It seems that these are the most painful kind, and the ones that take the longest to heal. Some of these come from family situations, which is tragic. Others come from school situations. Still others from relationships. Frequently, these scars are the result of feeling left out. At times, that particular feeling is more apparent than real; we’ve not really been left after all…but at other times, the leaving is real. And irreversible. I still bear deep scars dating back to December 14, 1974. On that day, my Dad who was/is one of the greatest men I’ve ever known or known of, died suddenly of a heart attack when he was two years younger than I am now, and when I was a fairly insecure 15-year-old. I still don’t know why that happened (oh sure, medically, I know, but in terms of cosmic providence, I do not. And will not, this side of glory.) But here’s the thing about that particular scar—and I believe this applies to other similar scars. Though I don’t know and won’t know why, I eventually realized that my not knowing is OK. After a multi-year season of me protesting and whining and griping and leaving (or trying to, anyway), my God gently and graciously drew me back to truths about Him that I knew and had forgotten. When I cry “Why?? I don’t understand!” my Lord replies “I know…and you won’t understand…but trust Me!” (note: this would have been very little help to me had I been reminded of God’s grace-filled, loving providence on December 15, 1974…come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I was reminded by others, but didn’t care to hear it at that time…) I had some of these same thoughts when my buddy Jason entered glory this summer as a young man…and as another of the great men that I’ve known.

I was thinking of this while putting on a shirt the other day after Lisa doctored one of my most recent surgical scars. I remarked to her, “I look like I lost a knife fight!” (Rest easy; absolutely no pictures of this will be forthcoming here. You’re welcome! *grin*)

Think of the lessons of the scars. Whatever kind of scar.

“That hurt! Don’t do it again!”
After about my 8th sprained ankle, I finally figured out that playing tackle football without pads is not the best plan. And after about the 73rd bike crash, I discovered that slowing down just a bit and not wrecking the bike left me feeling much better than almost making the curve feels. This one also applies to some of the invisible scars. Being stupid with our heart & love hurts! Eventually most of us learn to be a bit more circumspect and to guard our hearts a bit more closely. Because of the scars.

“Remember this; you’re healthier because of it”
Applies to vaccine scars & to some other minor surgery scars. And to some of the relational scars too.

“Let this scar remind you of God’s grace toward you and of the brevity of life”
I have 10 scars related to a particularly scary sort of cancer. Which I am apparently free from now. Dr. Nagen Bellare & his team are awesome! Dr. Pecunia & his surgical team are great! Dr. Steven Conerly & the dermatology group are outstanding! At M.D. Anderson, Dr. Homsi, Dr. Kim, Dr. Hwu (both of them), & Dr. Mehran are wonderful, as are Fe, Meritas, and Jessie the nurse practitioners that I’ve spent some quality time with. M.D. Anderson is a place filled with amazing health care professionals, all dedicated to eradicating cancer. (I love that the phrase “eradicating cancer” appears in their mission statement, and that they really buy into that particular mission. Have you ever prayed for cancer researchers as they go about their work in the lab? I’m newly-mindful of that particular prayer concern) But as marvelous as all of those people are, and as skilled as they are at what they do—and they are very highly skilled!—I am here now because my Lord, the Great Physician, chose to use those people and others as tools in His mighty hands of earthly healing. Note: Dr. Bellare, my local oncologist, told us exactly that at our first appointment with him in 2005. He has repeated it to me in subsequent appointments.

So I rejoice in my 10 cancer-surgery scars, for they remind me to celebrate life and healing and health and skilled medical professionals, all of whom do their thing under the guiding hand of a loving God. Sure, I remember the pain of the surgeries—especially just now as I was re-booting my treadmill & weightlifting program!—but I hope the lessons of the scars always remind me that the pain was temporary and healing in its nature. Even the pain of losing my Dad...although "losing" is probably not the right word, for we know where he is, hallelujah! I pray that I always look past the scars to the One Who providentially ordered that they be necessary. I hope I never forget how utterly dependent I was while laid out in surgery recovery and in IL-2 ICU waiting. And that now that those are past, I am still just as utterly dependent on my God. As are you, by the way. I pray the scars always remind me “to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Finally, I pray that they will always remind me, as the late, great Keith Green said, "life is short; eternity is long..."

What do your scars teach you? Are you listening to their lessons?

Friday, September 12, 2008

I Remember...

…the phone call from a friend: “are you watching the news this morning? No? Well, turn the news on…apparently an airliner has crashed into the World Trade Center…”

…watching the smoke billow…

…watching live as the 2nd plane hit the other tower…

…the rainstorm of papers.

…the collapse of the 2 towers.

…seeing President Bush blanch when he was told of the incident while sitting in a classroom in FL

…the police and firefighters heading toward what all others were desperately trying to escape.

…wondering in a bit of panic where my brother, the United Airlines pilot, was.

…being overwhelmed with joy when I got through to him at his home in CA.(Turns out, he was actually supposed to fly out of Boston that day as did two of the ill-fated planes. *shudders* But he was not scheduled for one of those particular flights. The plane he was to be on had to land at an abandoned airbase in AZ after the order was given to clear all U.S. airspace.)

…the surreal thought of U.S. combat pilots having orders to shoot down any plane flying.

…thinking that the world had surely and irrevocably changed for the worse, and regretting that for my children.

…thinking very deeply about what I believe about the nature of God and man and faith and Christianity and Islam. And having my convictions deepened by the experience.

…the all-too-few days afterward in which we Americans were united & on the same page. Sort of like now…only about 180 degrees different. *sigh*

…the stories and pictures that continued to come out.

…the amazing relief when hearing that tens of thousands got out of the two towers.

…the crushing grief that was felt by the families & friends of the nearly 3,000 who didn’t get out. (I can only imagine the grief, actually. I’ve lost close loved ones, but never to a nasty terrorist attack…)

…the odd sense of triumph in the midst of tragedy as I heard what happened on United Flight 93 when passengers fought back, ultimately crashing the plane in a field in PA rather than on the White House or the Capitol.

…the creepy sensation when I was outside a couple of weeks later and heard/saw the first plane fly overhead since 9/11/01.

…“Freedom was attacked this morning by a faceless coward…”

…feeling very deeply that we should never forget, just as my parents’ generation have never forgotten events of Dec. 7, 1941. I actually did recall Japanese Gen’l Yamamoto’s words just after the Pearl Harbor attack: “I fear all we have done is awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve…”

May Yamamoto’s words be prophetic here, 7 years later, just as they were in 1941.

Take a few minutes & listen to this. I landed on it while radio station surfing on the way to work yesterday morning. (note: I’m not a huge talk radio listener…I find that my blood pressure and my general thoughts about my fellow humans & our political leaders are better when I stay away from that particular media outlet)

But this one took me all the way back to 9/11/01 and the accompanying emotions. It took me a minute to re-compose after this montage of sounds from that day. Particularly the air traffic controllers desperately trying to contact the hijacked planes. And the phone call from inside the WTC. And the firemen trying to contact other teams on the walkie-talkies. Well, just give a listen.
(Note: it has some Glen Beck commentary, plus a blurb from Keith Olberman griping about the RNC showing footage from 9/11/01. Keith's a moron imo; Glen's OK I guess. But what I really want you to listen to starts at the 9:27 mark if you want to fast forward. Might want to grab a hankie first...) You'll hear one of the hijackers speaking over the radio, followed by air traffic controllers trying get back in touch. Followed by a collection of sounds from that day. From 9:27 to the end is about 7 minutes worth of an emotional journey. I'd say, "enjoy," but you won't.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Pictures at an Exhibition

(The "exhibition" is titled, "Mike here are some ways you know you're getting old...")

My last group of guys that I coached on the football field are juniors now. Playing varsity football. And contributing.

My last group of ladies that I helped with in basketball are seniors. (Well, thankfully, there's one junior who played varsity in 9th grade...so I have one more year of connection with the program. Thanks, Katie! *smile*)

My daughter is a senior in HS. That's all I have to say about that. (actually, I have much to say about that...but not just yet)

My son turned 20 this past summer, and is in year one of a four-year professional school. (Pharmacy, as my regular reader knows...)

My nephew graduates from U of FL in the next year. Engineering. A 5-year program there.

My other nephew will sit for his 100-ton boat captain's license exam soon. He already has the 50-ton license, which would allow him to captain any charter fishing boat.

I have taught 2 different students/friends in both high school and college.

Children of guys who played football in my college days are now playing. And worse, some of them have finished playing and are now coaching.

Folks I taught back in my youth Sunday School teaching days are...a) married, b) with kids, c) long since finished with college and grad school, d) making nice livings, e) pastoring churches, f) missionaries in difficult foreign countries, g) lawyers & Drs. & nurses & teachers & such.

My hair and my beard are taking on different hues all by themselves. Others pay righteous bucks for this; not me, baby. Nature's all it takes to look this good (or something...)

I have 10 different surgical scars that are cancer related. (4 from 3 years ago, & 6 from this summer)

I have personally had the following "old people" medical procedures...all in 2008! CT scan of chest/abdomen/pelvis (multiple times)...Brain MRI (twice)...needle biopsy of lung (twice)...upper & lower GI series...cholesterol & liver screen (bloodwork...multiple times)...high-dose IL-2 (2 cycles)...lung function test...dobutamine echocardiogram...video-assisted thoracic surgery (twice)...worn oxygen in a hospital bed out of necessity (a few times during IL-2)...had a PICC line installed to run IV from upper arm directly to my heart(twice)...been rolled out of hospital or clinic in a wheelchair (multiple times)...worn a Holter heart monitor for 24 hours...CT-A and MR-A (whatever those are...a variant of CT & MRI)...P.E.T. scan (multiple times)...had to blow on the dadburn incentive spirometer a zillion times to help restore lung function & tissue...chest x-ray (multiple times)...plus, I know exactly how the parking passes @ M.D. Anderson work, and can find my way around that massive facility pretty well (I'm less good at navigating the hospital part; I blame anesthesia + IL-2 for that...)

I know people who retired when they were my age. (In case you're wondering, let's just say that "retirement" won't be happening any time soon @ Casa Madaris...*sigh*)

The phrase "empty nesters" will be accurate for Lisa & me in about 11 months. Which brings 2 reactions: (a) how in the world can Lisa & I be on the cusp of an empty nest, for crying out loud?? (b) while she is my best friend and we dearly enjoy each other's company, we're not particularly looking forward to both of our babies living somewhere else...*huge sigh*

Both of my children will vote in the upcoming presidential election.

My HS class had our 30th class reunion...in the Fall of 2007!!!

I graduated from high school the year my new pastor was born. (Just thought of that one...now I'm really bummed...*grin*)

I've lived in the house we're in now much longer than I've ever lived in any other house in my lifetime.

Amidst all the hullabaloo over Sen. Obama misstating the number of states in the USA, I was reminded that when I was born, there were only 48! (hey, don't laugh...one day your kids/grandkids will be amazed that Puerto & American Samoa were once merely "territories" & not part of the USA...)

I occasionally get up early in the morning (4-430 a.m.) and come lie on the floor because my back is sore. Of course, I partly blame our mattress for this.

A guy that was an undergrad student at Alabama after I left & took my first job in Indiana is now Dean of the School of Business @ USM.

I'm so old that I remember watching USM's football team before Brett Favre showed up. And I definitely remember watching the Green Bay Packers before he got there...I am a lifelong fan, going back to the Bart Starr/Jim Taylor/Paul Hornung/Ray Nitschke/Vince Lombardi - era Packers. (Aside: Thus, this oft-stated sentence in H'burg totally doesn't compute with me: "I was a die-hard Packer fan, but then Brett left, so I'm tossing all my Packer stuff..." In case you're wondering, that is not a die-hard Packer fan.)

I remember Super Bowl I. My Roman numeral knowledge ends about about XX, so I haven't the vaguest clue what Super Bowl will be played in 2009, but I remember the first one.

(I'm sure there are others; that's the only ones I can think of right at the moment...I'd ask for other suggestions from you, but I'm already too dadburn depressed now...*grin*) Seriously, a summer like the one I've had causes one to ponder much on the passage of time and brevity of life. The late great Keith Green said it best: "life is short; eternity is long."

Know that I plan on enjoying the time I have left--however much that may be--even more than I've enjoyed these first 4(garbled) years. This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Want to help? Let's eat, and drink coffee, and watch football, and go hunting, and worship, and hang out, and go on mission trips, and fish, and listen to live jazz, and talk of life, love, and other mysteries. You in?

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Some pix of interest

(well, they're of interest to me, anyway...*smile*) Here are a few pix from the White Coat ceremony @ the school of pharmacy that I wrote of earlier. Also, a few gen'l family pix, plus a few others. Note: while this post is large because of the pictures, I didn't write very much. I promise! ;~{)} (<==that's me winking...)
The setting for the festivities inside the Ford Center. (taken by good friend Debbie Kennedy whose niece is in James' class; Debbie & her sister were closer to the stage than we were) This is the same facility that will host the presidential debate shortly. Don't ask me whether the presidential debate or the white coat ceremony is the more significant; I'm quite sure my answer would offend your political sensibilities...*smile*


The students file in. Note the handsome fellow second in line on this row that's entering.The festivities begin. L-R - 1 - Dr. Sparky Reardon, Dean of Students @ UM & keynote speaker for the evening; 2 - President of the Pharmacy Student Association--he's from Petal & is a P4, meaning in his second year of the program; 3 - A Pharmacy professor; she directs the labs for the Oxford part of the program; 4 - Dean of the Pharmacy School (the 2 ladies behind #3 & #4 are some of the administrative assistants in the Pharmacy School; 5 - a regional director w/ Kroger's Pharmacy division.
Signing the code of ethics/conduct for the Pharmacy program. Each student did this just prior to getting their white coat. L-R: 1 - the guy from Kroger; 2 - a classmate; 3 - my favorite future pharmacist; 4 - another professor from the Pharmacy program; this one directs the dreaded/vaunted P5 year of clinicals in Jackson. They're signing the large copies of the statement they just read. One will be on the wall inside the School of Pharmacy in Oxford, and the other on the wall in Jackson where they'll have their clinicals during the P5 year.That's James just after having his white coat put on him by the Dean of the School of Pharmacy. The books they're handing are the history of pharmacy education in Mississippi since James' is the 100th class admitted for study. I'm guessing things have changed just a smidge from 1908 until now...My favorite future pharmacist returns to his seat with his white coat proudly in place.

Coming soon, to a pharmacy/hospital/research facility near you...L-R: 1 - Friend Thomas from Batesville, whose Mom feeds this crowd on occasion since they live relatively close by. 2 - my favorite future pharmacist. 3. Roommate Lamar from Huntsville, AL; both of his folks are Ole Miss grads. 4. Roommate Kevin from Pelahatchie, MS. One always prays for the Lord to grant friends to one's kids that will help take them in the direction a parent wishes, academically, socially, and spiritually. You're looking at part of the answer(s) to that prayer.
The young apprentices with their Jedi Master & Teacher...*grin* (in the middle) legendary pharmacy educator Dr. Marvin Wilson, Assoc. Dean of the Pharmacy School. His intro at the White coat ceremony brought a thunderous ovation; he basically keeps all of the students straight & manages the academic side of the program. He is awesome!The 3 amigos, er, roommates.

"James Madaris, University of Mississippi, Pharmacy Student"


And with his Dad. Uncanny how our ties knots are carbon copies, isn't it? We both prefer t-shirts & shorts; thus, our ties will frequently be a tad off-center. And his Mom. The awesome "Tree House" of friends Jim & Dorothy Crockett out in the country near Oxford. They let Lisa & me spend the night there for white coat time. One of the great, calming,
"chill-out" retreat locations anywhere!
Inside Jim & Dorothy's place.
And again. Doesn't it just scream "y'all come sit a spell & stay awhile...and don't worry about anything!"?
Here's where James, Kevin, & Lamar live. (And Beau the killer dog too!)
My favorite brother and me. (note: I only have the one...*smile*) Jim has stepped up very large this summer in our bend in the road. Ya gotta love his shirt: "I'm Retired...(U.S. Navy logo)...Do It Yourself". Mine was purchased near his home: "Slapout, Alabama...Where You Oughta Be" This is at our house just before he headed east after our shared journey to Houston.Jim & me at his place on Lake Jordan in the suburbs of Slapout and/or Holtville, AL. James & Anne share a tube ride on Lake Jordan behind Jim's place. Lake Jordan is gorgeous & still somewhat undiscovered. If you wish, I can talk to you about an excellent lakefront condo deal there. (Jim's doing the condos...and I'm serious here, btw)My babies. All 4 of them. *grin* This is shortly before James headed back up to Oxford for school. He's holding Beau as a baby; Anne's holding our dog, Sam. Beau views Sam as a really large & cool chew toy. Sam is not completely thrilled with this view.My babies with their Mom.
And with their Dad.Again. Note carefully that Sugar--our neighbor's dog--has come to visit. Sugar is a cutie. She looks like she got up under a pickup truck that was leaking oil real badly. In fact, that's her regular coloring. When Sugar is running or walking, she has about a half-inch of clearance before her chest drags on the ground. Very amusing to watch her run; and rather confusing to Sam...
My girls. Aren't they gorgeous??
Me & my favorite HS senior. Those of you with little bitty kidlings at the house, make sure to enjoy each stage of the journey, for verily, it goes by oh-so-fast...*heavy sigh*
The HS senior with flash directly in her face.
A Boy and his dangerous, killer dog (shhh...Beau the dog [short for "Beauregard"] doesn't know he's a squirt!...*grin*). Beau is a miniature pinscher. Regrettably, as already noted, he (Beau) sometimes doesn't think he's a "miniature" anything...thinks he's a big tough guy. He's a cute as he can be, with a great little sassy personality. BTW, Beau is about as big as he's going to get. He might've added another pound or so, but he'll always look like "Honey, I shrunk the dog..."
Beau as a baby. When James first bought him, Beau would fit completely in his hand.As I say, Beau thinks he's a tough guy. I think he was barking at one of our cats here. Pretty scary & intimidating, huh? *smile*All played out; he had been all ferocious with Sam's chew toy until he just had to go to sleep. So he did, right where he was. If you ever (God forbid!) find yourself recovering from high-dose IL-2 Immunotherapy you'll need long naps multiple times a day. Get yourself one of these (the dog...not the chew toy); they are great nap-helpers, as shown in this picture. Beau & I took many a nap in my 2 recovery season from IL-2.

Me & my girls at our house just after my most recent journey to Houston.

One of my all-time favorite pics of James. We were up there for a quick day-trip visit that included visiting with the head football coach (see below). As we were walking by, we noticed that (a) Vaught-Hemingway stadium was open, and (b) nobody was watching the gate. So, naturally, in the interest of academic research, *clears throat* we were compelled to walk onto the field & take a few pictures. Something about forgiveness v. permission...*grin*

Standing in the end zone, near where James & other students encourage the Rebs on home game Saturdays, and...*searches*..."discourage" (yeah, that's a good & kind word...) the visiting team's players at the same time.

Rebel football player Chuckie Mullins was severely injured in the late 80s while making a tackle for the Rebs and never walked again. He lived several more years and was a huge inspiration to many. This is where the Rebs enter the field on game day, walking past Chuckie's "Never Quit" motto.

I don't think this will get me in trouble w/ my alma mater, given the compelling story of Chuckie Mullins, but I'm not sure about that...*smile* Funny, I don't recall putting on the flack jacket under my shirt that day. *sigh* Rest assured, there's less of me now than there was then. Still a work in progress, getting back down to, um, my "playing weight," let's say.

A very, very cool picture of James & me with Rebel head football coach Houston Nutt taken in Coach Nutt's office. My dear friend Eddie Baker had the meeting set up with Coach Nutt for purposes related to our church's Upward flag football program. Eddie invited James & me to tag along; after praying about it for a second and a half, we agreed to go. *smile* I did not tell Coach Nutt that I'm a 3-time Bama grad & lifelong fan of the Crimson Tide; I did wish him well and tell him that James is a junior @ Ole Miss. Whatever one thinks of Coach Nutt is fine; but here's a simple little photo-op that he didn't have to be part of and that will always be viewed as really cool by James & me. James was already a fan since Coach Nutt is now HC of the Rebs; I'm a fan because James is a fan, and because of this photo-op. As I told James, I hope the Rebs go 11-1 every year...*grin* Wait...they lost yesterday, so let's call it 10-2 this year.

Happiness is not having to go here...*points up* (But we are so very grateful for what that place means to us, and what they have done for us this summer)

So, now you know more than you wanted to about how I spent the latter part of my summer vacation. (Hey, at least I didn't include pictures of surgery wounds, IV bags & poles, me in support hose, and other more unsavory images of my summer...*smile*)

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Be Afraid...be kind of afraid...

...for many are the blog entries percolating my anesthesia/old age - addled mind. *smile*

But seriously...what do you want to talk about now? *huge grin*

We made it home through the Gustav-hammered woods of S. LA. Rest assured, a "minor hurricane" is sort of like a "minor surgical procedure": it happens to someone else & therefore it's minor to me. Much, much prayer and mercy mission work is needed in S. LA. We saw homes flooded & w/ trees in/on the house...businesses torn up...power lines down...roads washed away...such a journey is depressing! And we were quite a ways inland...one shudders to think of life down on the coastal areas of SW LA.

We saw one store at a crossroads in the woods of LA that was pumping gas. The enterprising store owner had apparently purchased one of those big generators. They were cooking food & selling it as fast as it came out of the fryer. We were just grateful for the gasoline, as there were very, very few places up & running, and all of them had very major lines of cars & trucks awaiting. While in the line to pay at the store, I had a very pleasant chat w/ a guy wearing LSU stuff. (I was wearing Crimson Tide stuff) Anyway, as I say, a very pleasant chat.

Hurricanes bring out the best (usually) and the worst (occasionally) in people, don't they?

I have now officially taught each of my classes. I remained more or less coherent through both (students may privately supply their own punch lines here), and felt good in the process. Thus far, I am 2-for-2 in days walking. Not far, mind you, but walking still. Sam the dog helps. Sort of. He also provides major nap temptation by just making a nap look and seem like such a great idea.

Anne's all bummed out, because it seems I'll be able to drive my self to & from work beginning Monday. Thus, only one more day of "Driving Mr. Dad" for her. Beginning Monday, she'll be able to (a) leave at her regular time in the morning, and (b) eat lunch with her friends with abandon, not having to worry about coming back to WCU to fetch me. Somehow, she'll just have to make do after tomorrow...*smile*

I even went to church Wed. night--which was great! I also participated in a committee meeting. (Important note: our pastor search committee is disbanded, praise God! The goateed one is here with us now. Full time. No further searching required. So this was not the pastor search committee...)

Got to spend a little time enroute to church and at church with my buddy Tim Carley & his lovely bride Mary Margaret and their daughters. (Despite having 4 kids to corral, they still came to give me a ride to church...) Prior to January, I think I had allowed myself through sheer inertia to forget how vitally life-giving it is (to me, anyway) to spend time with close friends. If you're a close friend, (a) forgive me, and (b) prepare to drink coffee & eat meals & chat & watch football & go fishing/hunting & watch football & such with me in the days, weeks, months, years, decades to come. Among the many huge blessings of this recent wilderness is being reminded again and again how very blessed I am in terms of friends who love in prayer, word, and deed. Thanks to all of you who have helped re-teach me that lesson!

Was chatting with a friend earlier this week--a fellow melanoma survivor--and we got to this sobering reality. "Cancer-free" really means "cancer-free-at-this-moment-in-time." And only God Himself knows how long "this moment" will last. There, ladies & gents, is the reality of the shadow that will haunt for the rest of my days.

So, does that mean all of us with the scarlet C on our medical chart live in fear? Not on your life!! Instead--in my case--it makes me all the more mindful of life's brevity, which is a great thing to be mindful of now & then. It also compels gratitude in a totally refreshing way. As cliche as it may be, the C word with its lifelong shadow calls forth thanksgiving throughout each day. This is, of course, as it should be. We ought to live lives full of gratitude! When's the last time you found yourself being thankful for the following?

--rain (we've had a bunch lately, but isn't everything nice & green?)
--the engineering reality that says "put a key here, turn it, shift gears, and drive anywhere you want"
--whomever it was that taught you to read
--gifted writers
--phones--many in our pockets--that enable us to stay connected with loved ones at a moment's notice
--your friends
--your family
--your extended family
--the mere existence of God and His presence in & around your life?
--a cool drink of water
--a front porch with chairs on it
--clouds
--sun
--technology that allows us to be somewhat sure ahead of time about where a hurricane is likely to go, even when it's still out in the middle of the Atlantic
--coffee
--popcorn
--TV, even with the vacuous drivel that occupies so much of the weekly schedule
--the reality that in a couple of months we will elect a new government, and a couple of months later, that government will be installed without gunfire or bloodshed...look around today's world--this is truly a remarkable thing!
--as friends of ours used to sing, "I am free...I've been redeemed..."
--a printed Bible of your very own...this was not the norm for 1500 years or so
--food (is it bad to have a healthy turkey burger & then chase that with ice cream? Just wondering...)

C-word & its lifelong shadow aside, a day is coming when this life will cease for every one of us. So, if you've had perfect health for decades, rejoice! And be ever mindful that it's a certainty that "good health" doesn't mean "this life will last forever." So live in the present tense and enjoy today, for this is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it!

A favorite song that was on my mind driving through the woods of S. LA Tuesday...that definitely called forth thanksgiving!
(lyrics excerpt starts)
...1 day...2 days...3 days had passed...Could it be that Jesus had breathed His last? Could it be that His Father had forsaken Him? Turned His back on His son, despising our sin? All Hell seemed to whisper, 'forget Him! He's dead'...

Then the Father looked down at His Son and said, 'Arise, My Love...Arise, My Love...the grave no longer has a hold on You! No more death sting! No more suffering...Arise, Arise My Love'...

As dead men, the guards stood there in fright, as the power of love displayed its might...then suddenly a melody filled the air, riding wings of wind, it was everywhere...the words all creation had been longing to hear...the sweet sound of victory, so loud and clear!...'Arise, My Love'...

Sin--where are your shackles? Death--where is your sting? Hell--has been defeated! The grave could not hold the King!"
(lyrics excerpt ends)

That song...those words by Newsong..."Arise, My Love" has been making my throat & eyes fill up for years now...and I am so thankful! (saw Newsong in concert years ago, and when they fired up "Arise, My Love," it was one of the all-time great concert moments that I have experienced!)Living under a shadow? Sure! Like all of us do. But fear? Not when I remember the reality captured in the last lines of that song. Pray with me that we all would live in the glorious shadow of the brevity of our lives and of the truth about Who has the last word on all of this. And pray also that I'd always live with an overwhelming sense of joy and thanksgiving, wherever the road may lead in the future.

I'm off to make coffee for my beloved (OK...I'll have a couple of cups myself...) and enjoy the morning with thanksgiving. May it always be so, Lord!

Selah.
Mike

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The Checklist:

--awesome(ly bad) looking white stockings designed to reduce clots in legs?
Check

--cute teddy bear issued by MDA thoracic surgery dept to support chest during travel & coughing & such?
Check

--unshowered head desperately in need of multiple showers?
Check (btw to all concerned parties, upon arrival in H'burg this afternoon, I will be free to shower with abandon. Thus, from the time we arrive home until our hot water runs out, I'll be, um, unavailable...*smile*)

--best-looking chauffer on the road today?
Check *grin*

--alternate route designed to avoid a subset of the thousands of cars returning home to S. MS & S. LA?
Check (confidence is low here; as Lisa noted, the natives of S. LA will surely know the alternate routes too...*sigh*)

--pain pills?
Negative! Don't need 'em! *knocks on wood* (they're in the car just in case...)

--ipod with itrip connector?
Check!! (if you're wondering, the day's music will begin with Leslie West's smoking-hot electric version of the blues classic "Stormy Monday," followed by his smoking-hot version of the blues song "If Heartaches Were Nickels." Note that neither my lovely driver nor I are feeling "bluesy" in the slightest; we both really like blues music, and Leslie West is--imho--one of the all-time great blues rock guitarists--see "Mississippi Queen" by Mountain for example; that's him. Now you know...)

--movie to return to Blockbuster?
Check ("Bucket List"...great flick!)

--prayers of many friends?
Check! (I hope)

Annnnnnnd, we're off.

See you from the Burg!
Mike

Monday, September 1, 2008

Gustav, Schmustav...

I come to you live from our home-away-from-home in Friendswood, TX. We've considered buying season tix to Friendswood Mustangs football games this Fall...but then we remembered that we're not going to have to be heading out here nearly as frequently in the future. (can I get a "ya-hooooo!" from the crowd? Thanks!)

Much better on the pain front today. Slept pretty well last night. I'd like to say that took care of all sleep needs for this day, but...it didn't. A power nap was required earlier this afternoon.

Regrettably, the meds plus the entire ordeal made me have to go to sleep in the midst of the 2nd half of the Bama-Clemson game we were watching on TV Sunday night. Luckily, the total thrashing/domination was long secured before I crashed. What's that? Why, no, it wasn't the top 10 Clemson winning...they were the ones getting beat like a tied-up goat...a favorite stat from the game: top-ranking duo of RBs in the country pre-season: zero yards net rushing for the evening. Nary a positive rushing yard. *huge grin* (Rooooooooooooll...Tide! Roll!...*grins again*) Regrettably, I was not able to welcome the Fedora era in person @ USM. Luckily, I'll be able to make future games. Regrettably, James had to welcome the Nutt era in to Vaught-Hemingway stadium without me. Luckily, (a) we got our picture made w/ Coach Nutt back in the summer in Coach N's office, which was very cool, and (b) I'll be able to make future games there. Regrettably, this trip means that I was not manning the effects board at PCS' 1st home game Friday night. Luckily, I'll be there loud & proud for the rest of the games. (Um...*searches*...luckily, there will be other MSU games, let's just say...*clears throat*...and I'm hoping to be there too)

So, yeah...it is that wonderful time of year when my calendar is dominated by football. We watched college football for hours Saturday--is this a great country, or what? It's also that not-so-wonderful season called "hurricane season." We've spent hours watching the weather channel today, trying to figure how to get from here to H'burg with a Cat 3 storm rolling ashore between us...We still have no idea at present, btw. But the plan is to roll out of here tomorrow morning, under the theory that Gustav will be far enough inland for us to navigate the roads. We do have an alternate route planned through the woods of LA in order to try to avoid the traffic heading back to S. LA & S. MS. We'll see. (I, of course, cannot drive yet; prayers for Lisa are most welcome! A dear friend told his wife before, "your job is just to sit there and look pretty..." I'll have trouble with both parts--just sitting there and with looking pretty. Oh well...)

Oh, yeah, there's also this:

I AM CANCER FREE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2008!!!
From "stage IV metastic melanoma" in May to "cancer-free" in August is quite the amazing transition. God has chosen to answer our prayers--and yours--in miraculous ways using amazing medical technology and its practitioners.
So, Gustav, while a huge problem, pales to pasty-white in comparison in the collective Madaris psyche. We ain't skeered! (OK, maybe a little...but we ain't very skeered...)

Thanks for continuing to pray us home! Y'all didn't know when you said "I'll pray for you" what all that would mean, did you? Who knew "safe travel through a killer hurricane's aftermath" would go alongside "2nd lung surgery recovery"? *smile* Again, I tell you, we're ready for exhiliratingly normal routine for a while!

Hope Gustav is treating all of you midsouth'ers well. Thanks for all you've done for us!

In His glorious grip,
Mike

Sunday, August 31, 2008

So...on this date back during antiquity my brother was born. (Roosevelt admin I think...Teddy R, that is...*grin*)

Ok, everybody now:

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
You're older than your brother,
And I got all the looks too.

(Yeah, a couple of cheap shots...but like the man said in Top Gun, "The shot was there, so I took it...")

Seriously, though, If anyone deserves a happy birthday today, it's Jim. He's had a pretty challenging summer, between work things, medical things, and, well, my things. He gave up a couple of weeks of his summer to accompany me to Camp MDA, one of which was spent in IL-2-land. As you can tell from his stuff here, he's quite a guy. And a most excellent big brother too!

So, bro, here's wishing you a happy one, with many more to follow. U Da Man!

Love,
Mike

Saturday, August 30, 2008

"Mission Accomplished"

Howdy, all. Jim here (Mike's brother). That will be immediately obvious if you're expecting Mike-quality prose; he has the only writing game in the Madaris family!

Lisa left a voicemail about 11 this morning, and asked me to update the blog. She said Mike is doing okay--okay being a relative term. He came through the surgery fine, and they were in a transition-type room when she called, probably in a regular hospital room by now. Mike is having more and different kinds of pain than last time, and a good bit of post-operative nausea.

The good news: Dr. Mehron, the lung surgeon, told Lisa "Mission Accomplished." So I am privileged to tell all of Mike's wonderful friends, family, and prayer warriors:

Mike Madaris is once again

cancer-free!!

Praise God!! God is so good; He is good even if His plans do not equate to our flawed human ones. But I'm praising Him right now and thanking Him for ridding Mike of cancer yesterday morning through his vessels at M.D. Anderson.

Please continue to pray for Mike's recovery, Lisa's strength (if you know her, you know that is a praise, not a plea), and their safe travels back to Hattiesburg early next week.

And for this blog to return to its previously established standards soon... :-)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Ok, that's it...

...it's time to wind up all this medical fun. (let the church say "amen!" *grin*)

Here's the latest reason why it's time to wind it all up. Today, for pre-surgery bloodwork, guess how many vials of blood were drawn from me. Go ahead; pick a number. Got your number? What'd you pick, 2? 3? 5?

Fourteen vials of blood!!! That's 1-4. Fill up 10 of those test tubes; then fill up 4 more! I asked the phelbo...phlebat...the lady drawing my blood if I'd still have any blood left when she got finished. I'm not sure she tracked with my sense of humor. Which was pretty warped before all of this summer's festivities. Now it's really disturbingly warped. (For the times that shows up here on the blog, well, I'm...you're welcome! *smile*)

Anyway, most of you will go to sleep tonight without having had one single test tube full of blood removed from you. I feel so sorry for you...I'd have been most willing to have let you fill up 4-5 of those 14 vials earlier today. Oh well, your loss.

We are go for check-in at 5:30 Friday morning. (sorry...just watched Apollo 13 for the 63rd time & lapsed into the movie version of aerospace engineer-speak; hey, we do drive right past NASA - Houston on the road to this place!)

Surgery will follow right about whenever they get a round tuit. (Actually, surgery is scheduled for around 7:30 a.m.)

Last time, I was awake in recovery by about 10:30 a.m. And that surgery removed multiple spots. This one only needs to remove one.

Lisa and I are very pleased to be at this point. Metastatic melanoma is...*searches for appropriate word for a family-oriented blog*...very nasty. The odds of Jim & I getting really bad news last week were quite high, actually. The odds of going from "melanoma is back" in May to (the whispered dream phrase...shh! Not yet!...) in August approach zero. Those tendencies are well-documented. But my God created mathematical properties such as the Law of Large Numbers and statistical measures of central tendency & dispersion; He is most definitely not bound by them! (Aside: why does this seem to be so hard for some people to understand? *mini-rant ends*)

I will always be convinced that we are at this point because He has chosen to answer the prayers offered on our behalf by so very many people. He did not have to get us to this place, and He would not have been any less glorious had He chosen not to do so. But we're sure glad He has us here!!

The hardest part of tomorrow will be the waiting. (Not by me...I'll be in anesthesia-land, without a care in the world.) Lisa will sit there in the surgical waiting room. And wait...and then...wait...some...more. And watch the second hand on the clock move o h - s o o - s l o w l y while waiting for her name to be called with an update. James & Anne will be sneaking peeks at the clocks on the walls @ PCS and in the Pharmacy School @ UM. Jim will be doing his project management thing, but will mostly be sending & receiving texts & emails to his friends who are bombarding heaven on our behalf. (Thanks, my central AL friends! Lift a couple for Jim & Sandi too, won't you?) Mom will try to do other things besides stare at the phone. To very little avail.

So, once again, please pray for Lisa especially, and also for the rest of my family who are hanging in there on this journey. In terms of family, I am most highly blessed.

THANKS FOR ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS, CARDS, CALLS, TEXTS, COMMENTS, LETTERS, HUGS, AND ACTS OF SERVICE! Ray Boltz sang it years ago: "Thank you, for giving to the Lord! I am a life that was changed..."

We love y'all! Since we'll be rolling out about 4:45 a.m., I doubt I'll blog in the morning. Perhaps Lisa will update later tomorrow once we get to a room.

With hope,
Mike

p.s. - there are suggestions that a celebration party might need to be in order after all of this. As Spock would say, "fascinating!"...

p.p.s. - Words to "Thank You" by Ray Boltz, 1994. The song always makes me cry. (as it's doing now...*blush*) Picture me singing this--with a better voice that my own--and you are the "you" referred to. That gets toward capturing my full heart this evening. And thanks!

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name
You turned and saw this young man
And he was smiling as he came
And he said, Friend, You may not know me now
And then he said, But wait
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start
And one day when you said that prayer
I asked Jesus in my heart

CHORUS: Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave

Then another man stood before you
And said remember the time
A missionary came to your church
His pictures made you cry
You didn't have much money
But you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I am here today

(Repeat Chorus)

One by one they came
Far as the eye could see
Each life somehow touched (Mike says, "my life somehow touched...")
By your generosity
Little things that you had done
Sacrifices made
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven now proclaimed

And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord
He said, My child look around you
Great is your reward

(Repeat Chorus)
I am so glad you gave
©1988 Gaither Music/ASCAP. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

High Anxiety

As we head west this afternoon for what we hope will be the last part of the bend before the road straightens out, I thought I'd let my humanity show by sharing some parts of this that...well...challenge the efficacy of my blood pressure medicine. (let's just say)

--some glitch causing me to not be able to have the surgery after all

--something going wrong during the surgery that keeps us out there longer

(Neither of those are particularly pressing fears, in case you're wondering. This next one however,...)

--recovery from general anesthesia
I'm a cheap anesthesia patient. They say "count to ten" and I make it to "w..." and then the next thing I know they're waking me up. That's the good news. The bad news is, that it seems to take a while for all of my systems to switch back on after anesthesia. There were some minor issues with this last time; specific prayers are welcome related to all of these, but to this one in particular.

--my family--immediate and extended
They're scattered. And very tired from all of this wear & tear on the emotions. (especially Lisa...in her case particularly add "wear & tear from heading back & forth to Houston a bunch of times this summer"...). I've said before, I'd much rather be the patient than the spouse or child or parent or brother of the patient.

Lisa will be at MDA with me, but will still be out in the waiting room and in the recovery waiting room. Just waiting...which is surely the most wearying part of a hospital experience.

James is eyeball-deep in intense pharmacy things that I can't spell nor pronounce in his classes. 4 1/2 hours away from H'burg, and (obviously) farther yet away from us.

Anne is eyeball-deep in (a) her senior year of HS, and (b) a new job. She'll be here in the 'Burg.

Mom keeps a schedule that would wear out many a younger person back home in FL. (I'm quite sure I couldn't keep up!)

Jim & his family have much going on in central AL.

So, your prayers for all of them are vital to this process and are greatly needed and appreciated!

--time & effort to restore "regular" cardiovascular health
Mine was pretty decent at the beginning of the summer. (well, other than having cancer in my lungs...*smile*) Then came surgery + IL-2-land. I've been working on it since getting back, but let's just say I'm a "fur piece" from where I was & from where I need to be.

--getting ahead of the curve at work
My boss & colleagues are just amazing through all of this. Even yesterday, I received multiple offers to help out while I'm gone. With that said, I'm more or less keeping my head above water, but much that needs to happen professionally has fallen by the wayside this calendar year. It'd be great to be back in the groove of where I need to be with my classes & some research things & my committee work & a professional certification I'd like to complete. I really hope to (soon!)be a contributor to WCU and its School of Business, rather than a constant taker like I've been for 8 months now.

--home projects
I have yard things and house things that I was behind on in May. These 8 trips to Houston & the various types of...fun...they entailed have not helped me catch up. *sigh* Fortunately, I married waaaaaaaaay out of my league, so she's quite patient. Also, I have almost no game in the home repair area, & thus am unable to do much of that stuff even when healthy. So I've got that going for me...*grin*

The bottom line on several of these concerns is, Lisa & I are just ready to be leading exhiliratingly routine lives again. Catching up on our stuff, and contributing to the lives of others rather than just being Dead Sea-like takers with very little output.

One more fear, at the risk of going all theological on you. I have a very real fear of forgetting the many lessons my Lord has taught me this year once we pass (hopefully!) beyond the land of shadows & fears and move (next week, maybe!) back into the land of sunlight and smooth roads. Lisa & I do not want to lose the keen awareness of God's presence in & around us that has been manifest this year. A dear friend & soul brother told me during his own battle with a serious medical condition, "Mike, I don't ever want to go back to how I was before all this. I don't want to be the same again." Exactly! Me neither!

Moses said to the Lord..."Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight"...And He said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” And he said to Him, “If Your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here...
(Exodus 33, beginning in v. 12, excerpted here)

Verse 15 (boldface above) is easy to say. I even memorized it a few years ago because I thought it was cool. "Cool" doesn't come close! Awesome does...at least what "awesome" meant before we applied it to pizza and burgers and coffee. To be struck with awe. Yeah, that's pretty close.

The Schedule:

--made it here last night just before midnight (waiting on car repair things)

--Thursday morning - appt w/ anesthesiologist + bloodwork (easy day)

--Friday - surgery (time TBA, but either early in the morning or less early in the morning; will find out Thursday afternoon)

--Saturday - watch college football all day long on TV (is this a great country, or what? *smile*)through the fog of amnesia; hope that my Crimson Tide play the game of their lives and upset Clemson Saturday night

--Sunday - hopefully, get released from hospital; this is what happened last time

--Monday - hopefully, head back home (if not on Sunday...see "hurricane Gustav"...)

--Tuesday - lie around the house praying for body systems to turn back on

--Wednesday - hopefully, resume teaching

(There does seem to be this hurricane percolating down south...the eye is currently predicted to pass through my back yard...Monday morning. But other than that, the weather's great & expected to stay so...*sigh*)

THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE, EMAILS, COMMENTS HERE, PRAYERS, AND ACTS OF SERVICE TO US!! We're so very humbled and so deeply moved by all of the fingerprints of God on all of you. I hope we never get over it.

With strong love, tremendous appreciation, and greatly renewed hope,
Mike

Monday, August 25, 2008

Inked Up & Ready

So, I'm all inked up for Friday's surgery. Same as last time, but on the other side. The right side of my chest has a really cool temporary tattoo that looks like this:

RYM

Just a reminder of the interpretation. "Y" stands for "yes, operate on this side." (As Dave Barry says, I am not making this up!) "RM" is Dr. Mehran's initials. So, Friday a.m., anyone @ MDA seeing the right side of my chest will know 2 things: this is the side where the operation happens...because Dr. Mehran said so.

Taught my first class of the academic year today. Another first class meets tomorrow. And let me tell you...it is great to be back! (even if I am going to be gone again late this week & early next week...*sigh*)

Thanks so much for your continued prayers, acts of service, emails, blog comments, facebook comments, cards, letters, hugs, etc. Please keep 'em coming a bit longer...I am completely persuaded that one of the reasons we received such optimistic news is that God has chosen to answer the prayers of so many of you. Know that we are forever grateful to Him...to you...and to Him for you.

With great thanksgiving, unfathomable love, and renewed hope,
Mike

p.s. - Our travel schedule:
--Wednesday - Lisa & I will head out after my class.
--Thursday - bloodwork (yippee!) and prelim appt. w/ the anesthesiologist.
--Friday at zero-dark-thirty - surgery prep; I think actual surgery is at 7:30.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

As Aerosmith sang years ago...

..."I'm baaaaaaack...I'm back in the saddle again..."

Yesterday, I worked a full day for the first time in weeks. Dropped Lisa off at her work at 8:00 & went on to WCU. (well, after a brief detour by Chik-Fil-A...and then another detour through Seattle Drip...both required by my medical condition--oh, not the cancer; it's just that I've battled addiction to biscuits and to coffee for years now...well, "battled" is probably not correct here...maybe "enjoyed" is a better word...). And I felt pretty good all day at work, and had a fairly productive day. I did get the yawns around 5:30 p.m., but then I got them last year at that time when my health was still "normal." *smile*

It was great to be back @ WCU preparing for classes!! And being back around my excellent coworkers again. Very therapeutic! Even though I'm heinously far behind in preparing for classes which begin Monday (yikes!), I thoroughly enjoyed the day. And in the middle of the day, I had to go eat Thai food at Suwanna's with a great friend. The time with him and the food were both excellent additions to an outstanding...and normal!...day.

Speaking of outstanding, tomorrow will be the first Sunday in a year and a half in which my church will have a pastor who is not an interim. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us under Tony Merida's teaching & leadership! It's my strong hope and prayer that God continues to magnify Himself in and through Temple Baptist, as He has done since long before we joined 19 years ago.

The final piece of this update is that I discovered this morning that I'm recovered enough to change a tire. *sigh* But that, too, was oddly satisfying and reaffirming. Who'd have thunk that changing a tire could make one happy? I guess that's yet another reminder of the depths of "bummer!" that is cancer/IL-2/lung surgery.

Looking forward to tomorrow. And to the beginning of classes. Somewhat less so to our 8th trip to Houston/MDA Wednesday afternoon though. On the huge plus side, this one should cut down on the need for future treatment-related trips. w00t!!

Thanks for your continued prayers through this medical journey!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

IT'S ON!!

Here's some snippets from the conversation in Dr. Mehran's office this morning between the good Dr. & me:

Dr. Mehran: "So...Mr. Madaris...you've come back to see about getting the remaining spot removed from your right lung."

Me: "Yes sir. I had so much fun last time, I thought we'd do it again..."

Him: "Well, we can certainly do this. And I can use the camera again." (this means "VATS" like last time)

Him again: "OK...let me go look at my calendar and get you on it."

So, ladies & gents, it's on!

Thursday, 8/28 - meet w/ anesthesiologist; have blood drawn
Friday, 8/29 7:30 a.m. - surgery to remove my last dadburn melanoma tumor!!
(We'll have to be there by something like 5:00 a.m. for the pre-surgery prep.)

Last time I had VATS on a Friday, I was out of the hospital on Sunday, and home on Monday. It took another day or two to be fully functional though. *supply your own punchline as to whether I've ever been "fully functional"*

The surgery itself does not require a long recovery. Last time, the hardest part by far was recovering from general anesthesia.

So, Lord willing, in just 8 days, I'll be able to say out loud the wonderful, magic phrase that's only a whisper of hope so far.

Please continue to pray for us through the rest of this bend in the road. Thanks so much for continuing to hold us up before the throne. Lord willing, we may be near the part where the road straightens out for a while and is no longer bent & bumpy. Hopefully, you'll soon be able to re-allocate your "pray for Mike's health" time to other prayer needs; but please hang in there with us for a bit longer.

With much love, gratitude, and hope,
Mike

p.s. - I'm so excited about this upcoming surgery that I can hardly stand it! Oh, to be "normal" again...(whatever "normal" is...)

p.p.s. - In all of my spare time from my MDA fun, I do actually have classes to teach beginning this coming Monday. Can't wait! (even though I'll have to miss a few days due to VATS round 2)

p.p.p.s. - Jim & I had a great time this week. We (mostly) behaved well, though we did severely overeat once or twice. We're so ashamed...