7 it is. Blood chemistry + decreased kidney function + shallow breathing were the stop signs.
So, now more demerol this go 'round. w00t!
Today was a tough day. Prolly the worst yet. I'll spare details, but just know it was yucky on many levels.
Thanks for interceding for is today...it was badly needed, and is greatly appreciated! Now the immediate prayer is for quick & symptom reversal. (fluid wt loss, skin to no not itch so bad, sleep to regulate itself, etc.)
Then, you could pray that we can leace sooner. Saturday would be great...Suday too.
Of course, don't forget the huge prayer request...on August 19, Dr. H. tells me I'm cancer free.
With much love and great hope,
Mike
Thursday, July 31, 2008
6 down...7 enroute!
Hey, Gang!
#6 on board as scheduled at 1:00 this morning. And...*drum roll*...just heard rt then that I will be receiving #7!! Breaking my own record....Yay!
I feel not so completely terrible this morning. (whivh is entirely different from "feeling good"...) I basically slept most of Tuesday and Wed. The med for chills this time is Demerol. Demerol = sleepy time for Mike. Also, I've "only" gained 18 pounds so far...*sigh*
Not sure how many more doses. They redo bloodwork & re-examine me before each one to see where I am. I'm thinking this 7th one is the one that's going to kick this melanoma in the teeth & send it on outta here....(prayer point there).
Thanks for all the comments & emails. Some of y'all need to sleep more, methinks...*smile*
OK, off to see the wizard. Please remember Lisa, James, Anne, Mom, & Jim & his tribe in your prayers. And thanks so much for mentioning us so often in the throneroom.
Love & hope,
Mike
p.s. - the Eagles said it best: "Wowooo, I'm out on the border...wowoo, I'm walking the line..." (funny what song lyrics pop into mind, isn't it?)
#6 on board as scheduled at 1:00 this morning. And...*drum roll*...just heard rt then that I will be receiving #7!! Breaking my own record....Yay!
I feel not so completely terrible this morning. (whivh is entirely different from "feeling good"...) I basically slept most of Tuesday and Wed. The med for chills this time is Demerol. Demerol = sleepy time for Mike. Also, I've "only" gained 18 pounds so far...*sigh*
Not sure how many more doses. They redo bloodwork & re-examine me before each one to see where I am. I'm thinking this 7th one is the one that's going to kick this melanoma in the teeth & send it on outta here....(prayer point there).
Thanks for all the comments & emails. Some of y'all need to sleep more, methinks...*smile*
OK, off to see the wizard. Please remember Lisa, James, Anne, Mom, & Jim & his tribe in your prayers. And thanks so much for mentioning us so often in the throneroom.
Love & hope,
Mike
p.s. - the Eagles said it best: "Wowooo, I'm out on the border...wowoo, I'm walking the line..." (funny what song lyrics pop into mind, isn't it?)
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
QUICK UPDATE
Hi, All,
It's 6:15 Tuesday evening as I come to you live from MDA's ICU. *faint applause, as at a golf tourney*
As I write, I'm an hour into dose #2 of this cycle of high-dose IL-2. So far, I just generally feel like (something not good). Pretty much flu-ish. Tired, a bit achy, no energy, but thus far, no major symptoms. (w00t!) The Dr. I saw this morning is Dr. Hwu...but this one's female & isn't related to the Dr. Hwu I saw last time. Of course, Jessie the *excellent* nurse practitioner is back, which is comforting. (Aside: I found out today that she loves to catch and eat Spanish mackeral...James & I caught some just last Friday. Comparing fishing lures & tactics with an incredibly-skilled & specialized female nurse practitioner in an ICU room just prior to dose 1 of high-dose IL-2 = utterly priceless! Very cool grace note for me...)
Dose 3 should come on board around 1:00 in the morning, assuming the side effects stay somewhat under control.
Thanks so much for the prayers!! We're living on them. Please keep 'em coming these next few days. And of course, the macro request is that this stuff would work and kick this melanoma in the teeth and make it go away...
In related news, I only watched a bit of my favorite part of Shark Week last night. I refer, of course, to "The Flying Sharks of South Africa." Way cool stuff, but I decided I didn't need any Great White Shark-related nightmares & went over to sportscenter instead...I'm hacked to discover that the Shark Week shows aren't being rerun all thru the day. Lisa is...not hacked at this discovery. *smile* Last time, I subjected her to about 4 straight hours of Deadliest Catch; she's a good woman...
OK, gotta run get ready for my spaghetti & meatballs that should arrive any minute.
Thanks again for the prayers. And thanks for the emails that made us laugh and cry. Very encouraging stuff! To email here, see 2 posts ago. *points down*
Love and hope,
Mike
p.s. - specifically, hoping for some symptom-free sleep tonight...and of course the big hope of healing...
p.p.s. - want to see how broad one man's influence is? Read Leslie Gonce's incredible comment to the previous post. Chill-bump material for me on my Dad's influence (thru a simple business card!) long after his passing.
It's 6:15 Tuesday evening as I come to you live from MDA's ICU. *faint applause, as at a golf tourney*
As I write, I'm an hour into dose #2 of this cycle of high-dose IL-2. So far, I just generally feel like (something not good). Pretty much flu-ish. Tired, a bit achy, no energy, but thus far, no major symptoms. (w00t!) The Dr. I saw this morning is Dr. Hwu...but this one's female & isn't related to the Dr. Hwu I saw last time. Of course, Jessie the *excellent* nurse practitioner is back, which is comforting. (Aside: I found out today that she loves to catch and eat Spanish mackeral...James & I caught some just last Friday. Comparing fishing lures & tactics with an incredibly-skilled & specialized female nurse practitioner in an ICU room just prior to dose 1 of high-dose IL-2 = utterly priceless! Very cool grace note for me...)
Dose 3 should come on board around 1:00 in the morning, assuming the side effects stay somewhat under control.
Thanks so much for the prayers!! We're living on them. Please keep 'em coming these next few days. And of course, the macro request is that this stuff would work and kick this melanoma in the teeth and make it go away...
In related news, I only watched a bit of my favorite part of Shark Week last night. I refer, of course, to "The Flying Sharks of South Africa." Way cool stuff, but I decided I didn't need any Great White Shark-related nightmares & went over to sportscenter instead...I'm hacked to discover that the Shark Week shows aren't being rerun all thru the day. Lisa is...not hacked at this discovery. *smile* Last time, I subjected her to about 4 straight hours of Deadliest Catch; she's a good woman...
OK, gotta run get ready for my spaghetti & meatballs that should arrive any minute.
Thanks again for the prayers. And thanks for the emails that made us laugh and cry. Very encouraging stuff! To email here, see 2 posts ago. *points down*
Love and hope,
Mike
p.s. - specifically, hoping for some symptom-free sleep tonight...and of course the big hope of healing...
p.p.s. - want to see how broad one man's influence is? Read Leslie Gonce's incredible comment to the previous post. Chill-bump material for me on my Dad's influence (thru a simple business card!) long after his passing.
Monday, July 28, 2008
20 years ago today...
...I became a father for the first time when James B. Madaris arrived in Terre Haute, IN. And I will never be the same again, praise God!
When he arrived, he was the length of my forearm. Now, he's a tad over 6'1". Then, he was totally helpless & dependent on his Mother and me. Now, he's a man of great strength, resourcefulness, intelligence, character, and vision. He's a much bigger, stronger, smarter, and better-looking version of me.
He starts pharmacy school this Fall, having been accepted as a freshman into the early-entry program at Ole Miss. (recessive science gene to go along with the recessive size & strength gene...) 50 started in his class; 30-something remain. James has a clear calling to serve as a pharmacist. He's long been wired as a servant. Even his football days were marked by servanthood. Left tackle...one of the most invisible positions on the field, until that guy messes up. Then, it's a very visible position. Tackles protect the quarterback on passing plays, and blow open holes for running backs on running plays. Good tackles get satisfaction out of watching others succeed and creating opportunities for them to do so. Servanthood.
John once wrote this: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John 4) I can't think of a greater joy myself. There's something right...dare I say, holy?...about watching one's son become a godly man. In my case, a better man than I. In fact, I find myself--the knucklehead--sandwiched between generations of male excellence; my father was and my son now is a man I'd like to be. But by the grace of God, I am what I am. I'm not called to be James E. Madaris (Dad), nor am I called to be James B. Madaris (son). I'm called to be the son of the one and the father of the other. Both incredible privileges...and awesome responsibilities. The jury is still out on how I'm doing at both. But I'm still working at it.
Join me in praying that I can fulfill both generations of responsibility, won't you? Not all societal problems are easily fixed; but many would evaporate if we Dads would step up and invest in the lives of our children. Siring a child is nothing special. It certainly doesn't make one a man (regardless of what our culture may say...both U.S. culture, and Lamar County culture celebrate the siring while ignoring the responsibility and difficulty of daddying...). Nor does it automatically endow clues. Being a Daddy, on the other hand, is one of life's great challenges, joys, and callings. Any biologically healthy male can sire a child; being an excellent Daddy, however,...well, only an ever-diminishing few can pull that off. My Dad did an amazing job. I'm still a work in process, counting on my son's innate giftedness and the grace of God to fill in the many gaps.
On the back of every business card he gave out for Madaris Printing & Office Supplies, Dad had this poem printed. An excellent and awesome display of his priorities. And a great word for a son he left behind at 15 and a grandson he never met but yet dreamed about. And I guarantee, one that he'd be proud of.
THE LITTLE CHAP WHO FOLLOWS ME
A careful man, I have to be;
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
For fear he'll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes;
Whatever he sees me do, he tries.
Like me, he says he's going to be,
That little chap that follows me.
He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me, he must not see;
The litte chap who follows me.
I must remember, as I go
Through summer's sun and winter's snow,
I'm building for the years to be,
The little chap that follows me.
Happy Birthday, James! You have so richly blessed this old man's fatherly heart in countless ways these past 20 years. Press on, my son. My buddy. Wish I were there today to help celebrate with you. Know that you're in my thoughts, dude. See you soon. Thanks for going to the beach with me last week; I had a blast hanging w/ you, as always!
I love you!
Dad
p.s. - I hope your Rebels go 11-1 this Fall! *huge grin*
===========================================
Now the medical stuff...
--long day yesterday; bloodwork, Dr. visit, PICC installation, followup xray, followup appt., much thumb-twiddling in between.
--admitted at 8:00 p.m. (yay!); got to room at 9:30
--not the most restful night's sleep ever...*smile*
--melanoma team rounds at 9:00 a.m.; dose 1 should be shortly thereafterre
long-range stuff:
--back out here Aug. 18 for re-staging
--3 possibilities there:
1) scans show cancer is gone - We're done!!
2) scans show cancer is responding/shrinking, but still present - this would entail another cycle of high-dose IL-2; 2 weeks of trtmt, 2 weeks apart (like this one)
3) scans show no response and/or tumor has grown and/or spread - total bummer! No more IL-2; other options would be discussed
Obviously, option #1 is the preferred one, and is the biggie prayer request!
Remarkably, an email was delivered yesterday while we were in Dr. Homsi's office! Not yet admitted to the hospital, and still they tracked us down. That particular email included an invitation...wait for it...to go sky-diving this Fall! I think sky-diving is one of those things I'd love to have done, without actually having to do it. Still, an awesome email from a good friend...and one to ponder...
OK, gotta go track down a Belgian waffle...*smile*
Showtime shortly. Prayers most welcome!
With love and hope,
Mike
When he arrived, he was the length of my forearm. Now, he's a tad over 6'1". Then, he was totally helpless & dependent on his Mother and me. Now, he's a man of great strength, resourcefulness, intelligence, character, and vision. He's a much bigger, stronger, smarter, and better-looking version of me.
He starts pharmacy school this Fall, having been accepted as a freshman into the early-entry program at Ole Miss. (recessive science gene to go along with the recessive size & strength gene...) 50 started in his class; 30-something remain. James has a clear calling to serve as a pharmacist. He's long been wired as a servant. Even his football days were marked by servanthood. Left tackle...one of the most invisible positions on the field, until that guy messes up. Then, it's a very visible position. Tackles protect the quarterback on passing plays, and blow open holes for running backs on running plays. Good tackles get satisfaction out of watching others succeed and creating opportunities for them to do so. Servanthood.
John once wrote this: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John 4) I can't think of a greater joy myself. There's something right...dare I say, holy?...about watching one's son become a godly man. In my case, a better man than I. In fact, I find myself--the knucklehead--sandwiched between generations of male excellence; my father was and my son now is a man I'd like to be. But by the grace of God, I am what I am. I'm not called to be James E. Madaris (Dad), nor am I called to be James B. Madaris (son). I'm called to be the son of the one and the father of the other. Both incredible privileges...and awesome responsibilities. The jury is still out on how I'm doing at both. But I'm still working at it.
Join me in praying that I can fulfill both generations of responsibility, won't you? Not all societal problems are easily fixed; but many would evaporate if we Dads would step up and invest in the lives of our children. Siring a child is nothing special. It certainly doesn't make one a man (regardless of what our culture may say...both U.S. culture, and Lamar County culture celebrate the siring while ignoring the responsibility and difficulty of daddying...). Nor does it automatically endow clues. Being a Daddy, on the other hand, is one of life's great challenges, joys, and callings. Any biologically healthy male can sire a child; being an excellent Daddy, however,...well, only an ever-diminishing few can pull that off. My Dad did an amazing job. I'm still a work in process, counting on my son's innate giftedness and the grace of God to fill in the many gaps.
On the back of every business card he gave out for Madaris Printing & Office Supplies, Dad had this poem printed. An excellent and awesome display of his priorities. And a great word for a son he left behind at 15 and a grandson he never met but yet dreamed about. And I guarantee, one that he'd be proud of.
THE LITTLE CHAP WHO FOLLOWS ME
A careful man, I have to be;
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
For fear he'll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes;
Whatever he sees me do, he tries.
Like me, he says he's going to be,
That little chap that follows me.
He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me, he must not see;
The litte chap who follows me.
I must remember, as I go
Through summer's sun and winter's snow,
I'm building for the years to be,
The little chap that follows me.
Happy Birthday, James! You have so richly blessed this old man's fatherly heart in countless ways these past 20 years. Press on, my son. My buddy. Wish I were there today to help celebrate with you. Know that you're in my thoughts, dude. See you soon. Thanks for going to the beach with me last week; I had a blast hanging w/ you, as always!
I love you!
Dad
p.s. - I hope your Rebels go 11-1 this Fall! *huge grin*
===========================================
Now the medical stuff...
--long day yesterday; bloodwork, Dr. visit, PICC installation, followup xray, followup appt., much thumb-twiddling in between.
--admitted at 8:00 p.m. (yay!); got to room at 9:30
--not the most restful night's sleep ever...*smile*
--melanoma team rounds at 9:00 a.m.; dose 1 should be shortly thereafterre
long-range stuff:
--back out here Aug. 18 for re-staging
--3 possibilities there:
1) scans show cancer is gone - We're done!!
2) scans show cancer is responding/shrinking, but still present - this would entail another cycle of high-dose IL-2; 2 weeks of trtmt, 2 weeks apart (like this one)
3) scans show no response and/or tumor has grown and/or spread - total bummer! No more IL-2; other options would be discussed
Obviously, option #1 is the preferred one, and is the biggie prayer request!
Remarkably, an email was delivered yesterday while we were in Dr. Homsi's office! Not yet admitted to the hospital, and still they tracked us down. That particular email included an invitation...wait for it...to go sky-diving this Fall! I think sky-diving is one of those things I'd love to have done, without actually having to do it. Still, an awesome email from a good friend...and one to ponder...
OK, gotta go track down a Belgian waffle...*smile*
Showtime shortly. Prayers most welcome!
With love and hope,
Mike
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The Schedule FYI
Monday
1. 9:00 a.m. - bloodwork (note the time: Houston rush hour, here we come! *sigh*)
2. Appt. w/ Dr. Homsi after bloodwork (time uncertain; last time there were many dozen people waiting to have blood drawn)
3. PICC line installation after appt. w/ Dr. Homsi - this involves a cart ride along the walkway because it's very far from the MDA clinic complex
4. Twiddle thumbs & wait...a fair amount of the afternoon & early evening
5. 11:00 p.m. - admission to ICU (that's not a typo; 11:00 in the evening...normally, I'm approaching REM-cycle sleep by 11:00...oh well)
Tuesday
1st bloodwork will be drawn around 4:30 - 5:00 a.m. - What a special way to start one's day!
1st IL-2 dose should be hung on my IV pole at 9:00 (ish) a.m.
2nd dose should be hung around 5:00 p.m.
3rd dose should be hung around 1:00 a.m. (which, of course, makes it Wednesday)
(repeat as much as possible, up to 14 doses max)
Each dose takes about 15 minutes for the small bag to empty. Blood will drawn prior to each dose. I've never particularly minded getting stuck, but this will be about 6 times a day. Which doesn't count the PICC line sticks. (Thanks to a nice bluefish, I went ahead & got started w/ the sticking part Friday; that sucker flipped one more time, thereby jamming a hook rather deep into my thumb. I showed him though...I threw him off the pier).
As you pray--and thank you so much for doing so!!--please remember Lisa, who will be there through every pound of fluid gain, every bag hung on the IV pole, every shiver, every degree of fever, every 5:00 a.m. blood drawing, every conversation w/ the nurses & Drs., and whatever other side effects show up this time. Hers will not be a restful week. Please pray for Lisa to be able to sleep/rest as much as possible this week.
For those inclined to email us there, here's a refresher on how to do that. They print these out & bring them to our room a couple of times a day. And the emails are outstanding pick-me-ups for both of us! As before, no obligation at all...just a reminder should you be so inclined.
--go to mdanderson.org
--click on "current patients" on the left
--scroll down to "message to a patient" and click on it
--My info: Mike Madaris...male, last time I checked...May sixteen, nineteen fifty nine (young, thank you very much!)...my number is 747231
1. 9:00 a.m. - bloodwork (note the time: Houston rush hour, here we come! *sigh*)
2. Appt. w/ Dr. Homsi after bloodwork (time uncertain; last time there were many dozen people waiting to have blood drawn)
3. PICC line installation after appt. w/ Dr. Homsi - this involves a cart ride along the walkway because it's very far from the MDA clinic complex
4. Twiddle thumbs & wait...a fair amount of the afternoon & early evening
5. 11:00 p.m. - admission to ICU (that's not a typo; 11:00 in the evening...normally, I'm approaching REM-cycle sleep by 11:00...oh well)
Tuesday
1st bloodwork will be drawn around 4:30 - 5:00 a.m. - What a special way to start one's day!
1st IL-2 dose should be hung on my IV pole at 9:00 (ish) a.m.
2nd dose should be hung around 5:00 p.m.
3rd dose should be hung around 1:00 a.m. (which, of course, makes it Wednesday)
(repeat as much as possible, up to 14 doses max)
Each dose takes about 15 minutes for the small bag to empty. Blood will drawn prior to each dose. I've never particularly minded getting stuck, but this will be about 6 times a day. Which doesn't count the PICC line sticks. (Thanks to a nice bluefish, I went ahead & got started w/ the sticking part Friday; that sucker flipped one more time, thereby jamming a hook rather deep into my thumb. I showed him though...I threw him off the pier).
As you pray--and thank you so much for doing so!!--please remember Lisa, who will be there through every pound of fluid gain, every bag hung on the IV pole, every shiver, every degree of fever, every 5:00 a.m. blood drawing, every conversation w/ the nurses & Drs., and whatever other side effects show up this time. Hers will not be a restful week. Please pray for Lisa to be able to sleep/rest as much as possible this week.
For those inclined to email us there, here's a refresher on how to do that. They print these out & bring them to our room a couple of times a day. And the emails are outstanding pick-me-ups for both of us! As before, no obligation at all...just a reminder should you be so inclined.
--go to mdanderson.org
--click on "current patients" on the left
--scroll down to "message to a patient" and click on it
--My info: Mike Madaris...male, last time I checked...May sixteen, nineteen fifty nine (young, thank you very much!)...my number is 747231
Lisa and/or James will be updating here now & then this week. Thanks again for praying!
"We are the broken, You are the healer..."
With Love and Hope,
Mike
Once more into the breach...
Well...here we are. Time for round 2 of high-dose IL-2. Um...yippie...or something...
This afternoon, Lisa & I head out to Houston for the 17th time this summer. (OK, not really 17th...7th, actually. All since the 1st week of May. I'm thinking of registering my cars out there & applying for Astros season tickets...*sigh*)
This time, though some things will be different:
--we'll know what to expect (this is mostly good...right? right??)
--I'll definitely ask for a double-port PICC line up front this time. Having 2 PICCs installed in 24 hours is not as much fun as it sounds...
--Assuming things stay on sched, dose 3 & dose 6 would be at 1:00 a.m. Last time, for the one dose @ 1:00 a.m., I never even woke up, nor did I have any symptoms. So, that could be helpful, were the pattern to continue.
--I'll know to hit the nurse call button immediately when the 1st hint of chills shows up. (or any other side effects, for that matter)
--most important, it's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel! *and the crowd roars* Watching sharks in action will be a great reminder to me that it could be worse. Lisa is not nearly as excited about Shark Week as I...*grin* BTW, James & I saw one in the wild off the pier @ Orange Beach Friday. Very cool. And just a tad scary, even though we were standing on a pier at the time...
Early scouting reports about round 2 experiences are mixed. On the one hand, knowing what to expect on our part and on the medical folks' part may help. On the other hand, it seems that dose 1 "trains" the immune system to "turn on" sooner, so some patients don't get as far. The bottom line is, by the sustaining grace of my God and through His answering of the prayers of so many of you, my friends, I'm planning to make as many doses as I can, whether 3, 5, 6, or 14.
So, what to pray? Pray as the Spirit guides, of course. Here are a few suggestions:
--for endurance for both Lisa and me
--for wisdom for all the medical personnel involved
--for as many doses as possible
--for the IL-2 to work!!
--for James & Anne back home
--for Mom in FL - she's having to walk this road with us; no mother wants to see her baby sick (and I am her baby, despite my advanced weight, I mean age...)
--for Jim & his fam in AL - he remembers round 1 well...and not very fondly!
It's our strong hope and prayer that in 3 weeks (counting this round 2 week), Dr. Homsi is telling us that it worked & there are no more tumors. In the midst of a yucky medical situation, there's still much to commend that hope. Keep in mind, though, that this is a very yucky medical situation. Metastatic melanoma is a nasty, nasty booger.
Right up at the top of that list of "hope commenders"...ruling over that list...is a loving God Who is totally able to heal completely! Sometimes He heals by totally supernatural means; "Rise, take up your mat, and walk." Sometimes, He heals by totally "natural" means, via surgeries (had one!) and immunotherapy (got that t-shirt!) and such. I'm not choosy; either of those would be great! Sometimes, though, He opts to calm and offer His presence enroute to what Wayne Watson calls "the ultimate healing." That is my ultimate goal & destination one day...and I hope and pray it's yours!...but I'm asking God to delay that one a bit in favor of one of the other 2.
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us...For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Romans 8:18, 24-25
Thanks so much for your continued prayers and love during this bend in the road. We see the fingerprints of God all over you, and we are so very humbled and grateful. Celebrate His Presence and His work today, won't you?
With much love and great hope,
Mike
This afternoon, Lisa & I head out to Houston for the 17th time this summer. (OK, not really 17th...7th, actually. All since the 1st week of May. I'm thinking of registering my cars out there & applying for Astros season tickets...*sigh*)
This time, though some things will be different:
--we'll know what to expect (this is mostly good...right? right??)
--I'll definitely ask for a double-port PICC line up front this time. Having 2 PICCs installed in 24 hours is not as much fun as it sounds...
--Assuming things stay on sched, dose 3 & dose 6 would be at 1:00 a.m. Last time, for the one dose @ 1:00 a.m., I never even woke up, nor did I have any symptoms. So, that could be helpful, were the pattern to continue.
--I'll know to hit the nurse call button immediately when the 1st hint of chills shows up. (or any other side effects, for that matter)
--most important, it's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel! *and the crowd roars* Watching sharks in action will be a great reminder to me that it could be worse. Lisa is not nearly as excited about Shark Week as I...*grin* BTW, James & I saw one in the wild off the pier @ Orange Beach Friday. Very cool. And just a tad scary, even though we were standing on a pier at the time...
Early scouting reports about round 2 experiences are mixed. On the one hand, knowing what to expect on our part and on the medical folks' part may help. On the other hand, it seems that dose 1 "trains" the immune system to "turn on" sooner, so some patients don't get as far. The bottom line is, by the sustaining grace of my God and through His answering of the prayers of so many of you, my friends, I'm planning to make as many doses as I can, whether 3, 5, 6, or 14.
So, what to pray? Pray as the Spirit guides, of course. Here are a few suggestions:
--for endurance for both Lisa and me
--for wisdom for all the medical personnel involved
--for as many doses as possible
--for the IL-2 to work!!
--for James & Anne back home
--for Mom in FL - she's having to walk this road with us; no mother wants to see her baby sick (and I am her baby, despite my advanced weight, I mean age...)
--for Jim & his fam in AL - he remembers round 1 well...and not very fondly!
It's our strong hope and prayer that in 3 weeks (counting this round 2 week), Dr. Homsi is telling us that it worked & there are no more tumors. In the midst of a yucky medical situation, there's still much to commend that hope. Keep in mind, though, that this is a very yucky medical situation. Metastatic melanoma is a nasty, nasty booger.
Right up at the top of that list of "hope commenders"...ruling over that list...is a loving God Who is totally able to heal completely! Sometimes He heals by totally supernatural means; "Rise, take up your mat, and walk." Sometimes, He heals by totally "natural" means, via surgeries (had one!) and immunotherapy (got that t-shirt!) and such. I'm not choosy; either of those would be great! Sometimes, though, He opts to calm and offer His presence enroute to what Wayne Watson calls "the ultimate healing." That is my ultimate goal & destination one day...and I hope and pray it's yours!...but I'm asking God to delay that one a bit in favor of one of the other 2.
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us...For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Romans 8:18, 24-25
Thanks so much for your continued prayers and love during this bend in the road. We see the fingerprints of God all over you, and we are so very humbled and grateful. Celebrate His Presence and His work today, won't you?
With much love and great hope,
Mike
Thursday, July 24, 2008
On Therapy
There are various types of therapies available. (best Bubba delivery from Forrest Gump) There's psychotherapy...aromatherapy...shock therapy...physical therapy...plastic therapy - the spending of $$ on a credit card to make one feel better...
And then, of course, there are the ones that are the language of Mordor, which will not be spoken here in Rivendell: chemo...and immuno...*shudders*
And then, of course, there's my favorite therapy: Beach Therapy. Jimmy Buffett calls it "time on the water." A time to re-focus and re-charge and rest. And to prepare for year one of pharmacy school and for round 2 of high-dose IL-2...*sigh*
Proper beach therapy requires the following:
--a beach (thank you, Captain Obvious)
--sand
--a place to stay near/on both of those
--seafood consumed in copious quantity ("cholesterol? What cholesterol? I'm at the beach!")
--total lack of organized schedule
--chilled out music (Everybody now: "Squalls out on the Gulf Stream...Big Storm's comin' soon...passed out in my hammock...I slept until way past noon...And now I must confess, I could use some rest...I can't run at this pace very long...Yes it's quite insane, I think it hurts my brain...but it cleans me out and then I can go on..." And this: "When you see the Southern Cross for the first time...you understand now why you came this way...and the truth you might be runnin' from is so small, but it's as big as the promise...the promise of another day...")
Don't take this the wrong way, but friends are actually optional for proper beach therapy. They're preferred, of course, but I've had some great therapy sessions all by myself. But the preference is for friends, or much better, family.
Fishing is also optional. A great addition to beach therapy if available, but not required for the full therapeutic effects.
Very shortly, James & I will head out toward Orange Beach for a couple of days of beach therapy. The fact that my favorite young man will be accompanying me for this particular round of beach therapy has already made this an awesome, well, "dose" of beach therapy. James turns 20 next week; I'll be in IL-2 land 7.5 hours away for his birthday, sadly. But let me tell you...I was there for his 1st breath, and have been there for all the subsequent 19 birthdays. What a joy it is, to watch one's son become a man! He is one whom I love and in whom I am well pleased. He's far smarter than I (recessive science gene, combined with recessive "focus & discipline" gene...)...plus he's far bigger & stronger than I (recessive size & strength gene)...much better looking...much more together at 20 than I was at (several birthdays past 20...*sigh*). And amazingly, he seems to really enjoy spending time with me, and seems to enjoy beach therapy as much as I do!
So, we'll be buying the temporary AL fishing licenses, for the place we're staying has a private pier from which we've caught sharks & redfish & Spanish/King mackeral in the past. the place is on the beach, so...check! We'll have our ipods, loaded with a wide variety of music. Everything from screaming metal to Miles Davis cool jazz. We'll consume the requisite amounts of seafood. We'll sit on the patio half awake and watch the sun rise & set while being totally hypnotized under the influence of the rhythm of the waves and the seafood and (hopefully) the rush of catching some big fish from the pier.
We'll talk of life, love, and other mysteries (thank you, Point of Grace, for that great phrase!). And dream together of life without IL-2 & without cancer...and will pray toward those particular ends. We'll analyze the upcoming college football season (btw, I have both of our schools at 7-5 or so, with upside potential to 10-2...should be fun!). And we'll dream together of life after pharmacy school (for him...I can't even spell "pharmacy school"...*grin*)
And Saturday afternoon, we should be as right as rain, just ahead of Sunday's journey back to the place out west for the purpose that shall not be named here.
And God should be pleased as 2 of His enjoy a trinitarian-esque delight in each other's company and in fellowship. (yeah...I did listen to 2 sermons ago by my favorite bald-headed preacher...)
Beach Therapy. Can't wait!
With love and hope,
Mike the Beach Bum
Monday, July 21, 2008
Joe Cocker sang it best...
*sings* "Sevennnnn Days...seven more days..."
7 days from, well, right about now, Lisa & I will be in the MDA ICU awaiting the first dose of round 2 of high-dose IL-2. The magic bag should be hung around 9:00 a.m.
I'm very excited.
OK, I'm not excited at all, other than excitement about being one step closer to completing my oh-so-fun 2nd round of high-dose IL-2.
BTW, speaking of high-dose IL-2 and its effects, I seem to feel better by the day. Yesterday,I went in to the office and caught up (somewhat) on email & administrative stuff. I was there for 5 hours in a row. And I drove myself! *beams with pride* Progress...I'll take it!
Please pray for continued recovery, so that next week's round 2 will be as effective as possible. (And so that I can endure it all as well as possible...*sigh*)
Thanks much for your continued prayers, my friends. We are living on them these days.
From yesterday's reading in Isaiah 65:
I was ready to be sought by those who did not ask for me;
I was ready to be found by those who did not seek me.
I said, “Here am I, here am I,” to a nation that was not called by my name.
I spread out my hands all the day to a rebellious people who walk in a way that is not good, following their own devices;...
(Mike says, Aren't you glad the grace of God seeks us & pursues us? I sure am, for I wasn't asking for Him, seeking Him, nor was I rightly called by His name, though I surely was rebellious when He gently drew me back on course.)
Behold, My servants shall eat...shall drink...shall rejoice...shall sing for gladness of heart...So that he who blesses himself in the land shall bless himself by the God of truth, and he who takes an oath in the land shall swear by the God of truth; because the former troubles are forgotten and are hidden from my eyes.
(13-14, 16)
(Mike says, Those promises specifically refer to Israel, but they are good to ponder when Providence doesn't smile, aren't they? Especially that bit about "the former troubles are forgotten...)
For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth, and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in that which I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem to be a joy, and her people to be a gladness.
I will rejoice in Jerusalem and be glad in my people; no more shall be heard in it the sound of weeping and the cry of distress.
No more shall there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not fill out his days, for the young man shall die a hundred years old...
They shall build houses and inhabit them; they shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit. They shall not build and another inhabit; they shall not plant and another eat;
for like the days of a tree shall the days of my people be, and my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands....
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.
(17-22)
(Mike says, well, Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!)
Again, thanks for the prayers. Let these few verses spoken about God's chosen people and about the future encourage you as your pray. Our God truly is an awesome God!
With Love and hope,
Mike
p.s. - there are other versions of the song I started with, but Joe Cocker's is the best. But then I pretty much thing his version of any song is the best. *pictures Joe singing "With a Little Help From My Friends" at Woodstock* *enjoys the image*
7 days from, well, right about now, Lisa & I will be in the MDA ICU awaiting the first dose of round 2 of high-dose IL-2. The magic bag should be hung around 9:00 a.m.
I'm very excited.
OK, I'm not excited at all, other than excitement about being one step closer to completing my oh-so-fun 2nd round of high-dose IL-2.
BTW, speaking of high-dose IL-2 and its effects, I seem to feel better by the day. Yesterday,I went in to the office and caught up (somewhat) on email & administrative stuff. I was there for 5 hours in a row. And I drove myself! *beams with pride* Progress...I'll take it!
Please pray for continued recovery, so that next week's round 2 will be as effective as possible. (And so that I can endure it all as well as possible...*sigh*)
Thanks much for your continued prayers, my friends. We are living on them these days.
From yesterday's reading in Isaiah 65:
I was ready to be sought by those who did not ask for me;
I was ready to be found by those who did not seek me.
I said, “Here am I, here am I,” to a nation that was not called by my name.
I spread out my hands all the day to a rebellious people who walk in a way that is not good, following their own devices;...
(Mike says, Aren't you glad the grace of God seeks us & pursues us? I sure am, for I wasn't asking for Him, seeking Him, nor was I rightly called by His name, though I surely was rebellious when He gently drew me back on course.)
Behold, My servants shall eat...shall drink...shall rejoice...shall sing for gladness of heart...So that he who blesses himself in the land shall bless himself by the God of truth, and he who takes an oath in the land shall swear by the God of truth; because the former troubles are forgotten and are hidden from my eyes.
(13-14, 16)
(Mike says, Those promises specifically refer to Israel, but they are good to ponder when Providence doesn't smile, aren't they? Especially that bit about "the former troubles are forgotten...)
For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth, and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in that which I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem to be a joy, and her people to be a gladness.
I will rejoice in Jerusalem and be glad in my people; no more shall be heard in it the sound of weeping and the cry of distress.
No more shall there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not fill out his days, for the young man shall die a hundred years old...
They shall build houses and inhabit them; they shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit. They shall not build and another inhabit; they shall not plant and another eat;
for like the days of a tree shall the days of my people be, and my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands....
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.
(17-22)
(Mike says, well, Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!)
Again, thanks for the prayers. Let these few verses spoken about God's chosen people and about the future encourage you as your pray. Our God truly is an awesome God!
With Love and hope,
Mike
p.s. - there are other versions of the song I started with, but Joe Cocker's is the best. But then I pretty much thing his version of any song is the best. *pictures Joe singing "With a Little Help From My Friends" at Woodstock* *enjoys the image*
Sunday, July 20, 2008
To the King
As a musician & poet wanna-be, I've long believed that music & words have the power to capture things that regular words can't capture.
Around 1980, I discovered some music that absolutely connected with and fed my soul: the music of the group 2nd Chapter of Acts. Two sisters and a brother. Annie Herring is the oldest, and wrote most of the music. Nellie Ward was 2nd oldest. And then there was Matthew Ward. Matthew is about a year older than I (a young man, in other words...). Long, flowing blond hair. Slight build. And, oh my, what a voice!! Incredible tenor with an awesome range and a ton of soul. In my dreams, I’ve never had his range nor his soul. (And in my dreams, I’m pretty talented! *smile*). Second Chapter of Acts played with Keith Green--another hero of mine, Phil Keaggy (a guitar hero), Barry McGuire, Michael Omartian, and others. Like contemporary Christian music? Then thank the people listed here, for they pioneered it.
Around 1980, I discovered some music that absolutely connected with and fed my soul: the music of the group 2nd Chapter of Acts. Two sisters and a brother. Annie Herring is the oldest, and wrote most of the music. Nellie Ward was 2nd oldest. And then there was Matthew Ward. Matthew is about a year older than I (a young man, in other words...). Long, flowing blond hair. Slight build. And, oh my, what a voice!! Incredible tenor with an awesome range and a ton of soul. In my dreams, I’ve never had his range nor his soul. (And in my dreams, I’m pretty talented! *smile*). Second Chapter of Acts played with Keith Green--another hero of mine, Phil Keaggy (a guitar hero), Barry McGuire, Michael Omartian, and others. Like contemporary Christian music? Then thank the people listed here, for they pioneered it.
Lisa & I saw 2nd Chapter in concert around 1982 or so in Birmingham in a very crucial—and uncertain—time in my spiritual walk. I expected them to be incredible; “incredible” is not enough of a word to use. Awesome, in the sense of “awesome” before we applied it to pizza. To be struck with awe. Yeah, that’s pretty close. He fired up his song “Till The Walls Fall Down” from his solo album; “I’m gonna praise you ‘till the walls fall down…” over a most excellent rock groove. And of course, his stuff with his sisters was marvelous. Safe to say that the Lord showed up that night. At least in the life of an uncertain U. of Alabama student who was wondering whether to return to the God of his father and of his youth, and who wondered whether good rock could fit into a Christian worldview. (It can indeed, if you’re still wondering about that…)
A personal highlight for me is that after the show, they hung around & greeted those of us hardcore enough to stick around. I got to speak with Matthew, and even got a picture taken with him.
Some years later, 2nd Chapter of Acts released a couple of CDs called simply “Hymns” and “Hymns II.” Among our all-time favorite CDs. Like hymns & worship songs? Then check these collections out.
Fast forward some years. Matthew has a nice solo career, plus producing & singing some backup. (for example, on Leann Rimes’ “Blue”). He’s diagnosed with not one, but three different forms of cancer at the same time. A 2-year battle ensued, including surgery, chemo, the whole gamut. Matthew Ward captures his thoughts in a journal. Then, one day, he decides to explore the very core of his theology in poetic form while under the gun of chemo and the cloud of cancer. He shares his thoughts with his sister Annie. She asks if she can put it to music, and he reluctantly agrees.
And I am eternally grateful!
A few years back, PromiseKeepers released a praise CD with Matthew & Annie’s song on it. It’s also on Matthew Ward’s CD My Redeemer, which I don't own, but will soon. I tried to find the song in video format online, but alas. So, the next best thing is the lyrics. Just picture one of the most awesome slow worship piano grooves ever behind these inspired lyrics.
A few years back, PromiseKeepers released a praise CD with Matthew & Annie’s song on it. It’s also on Matthew Ward’s CD My Redeemer, which I don't own, but will soon. I tried to find the song in video format online, but alas. So, the next best thing is the lyrics. Just picture one of the most awesome slow worship piano grooves ever behind these inspired lyrics.
I give you To The King, by Matthew Ward & Annie Herring, long one of my favorite praise songs. Even more so since it flows out of the darkness of cancer. Enjoy. And make this your prayer. Pray it for me too, if you would.
To the King who gave everything for me
Whose body crucified, high on Calvary's Tree
Whose redemptive blood makes way for me I now give everything.
To the King who came in the form of a child
All powerful God; and yet, so mild
Whose obedience shows the way for me I humbly come to Thee
(Chorus) To the King alone I will give my life
To the King I will sing both day and night
To the Lamb of God who has paid the price
To the King alone I will give my life
To the King, the one true royalty, though King, He has befriended me
But greater still! He lives in me! I give Him everything
(repeat chorus)
To the King alone, I will give my life.
�1996 Megin's College Fund Music ASCAP �1996 Latter Rain Musci (Adm. By
Sparrow) ASCAP/ ARR/ICS
To the King who gave everything for me
Whose body crucified, high on Calvary's Tree
Whose redemptive blood makes way for me I now give everything.
To the King who came in the form of a child
All powerful God; and yet, so mild
Whose obedience shows the way for me I humbly come to Thee
(Chorus) To the King alone I will give my life
To the King I will sing both day and night
To the Lamb of God who has paid the price
To the King alone I will give my life
To the King, the one true royalty, though King, He has befriended me
But greater still! He lives in me! I give Him everything
(repeat chorus)
To the King alone, I will give my life.
�1996 Megin's College Fund Music ASCAP �1996 Latter Rain Musci (Adm. By
Sparrow) ASCAP/ ARR/ICS
(Note: you have to love the music publishing company listed above! *smile* That's Matthew Ward's oldest daughter, who's now in her 20s)
I only recently found out that this incredible song that has so blessed my heart by one of my favorite singers was inspired by his own bout with cancer. Coincidence? I prefer to use the correct word: Providence.
I only recently found out that this incredible song that has so blessed my heart by one of my favorite singers was inspired by his own bout with cancer. Coincidence? I prefer to use the correct word: Providence.
Selah,
Mike
Friday, July 18, 2008
Well, it's been a heckuva week in Hattiesburg, my home town, out there on the edge of the prairie...
Monday - discharged & outta there for a brief season. Home about 10:30 p.m., and I was totally wiped out from sitting & riding in the truck driven by Lisa & Jim. ("Totally wiped out" will be a recurring theme in this post...) After greeting James & Anne & Mom at home, I tossed & turned for 10-15 seconds before settling in for an 11.5 hour sleep.
Tuesday - a day I'd dreaded (mistakenly!)...the celebration of my Lord in the life of my buddy, Jason Weathers. (some would call it a funeral...I much prefer "celebration" or "coronation.") Stephanie sent me a text Tuesday morning saying that she wanted to worship today; mission accomplished, my friend! (aside: you didn't misread that...she sent me a text on the day of her hubby's funeral encouraging me...Y'all who don't know her should meet Steph; God is all over this woman, even in the midst of her grief!) We sang praises to our God, we laughed, we cried a bit, we laughed some more, we praised some more...I was an honorary pallbearer, which is a very high honor. Steph's Dad, my friend Gary Shows, used my poem "Giants" to close out his message--that's a higher honor still! I got there early, & thus the casket was still open, so I wandered up. And was struck anew with the total impermanence of these bodies and this life, and with the total, decisive, glorious, eternality of life with our Savior. "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here..." was what came to mind.
And then, home to take a nap before retiring for the evening. (totally wiped out...)
Wednesday - a not-much day (another recurring theme...) Hung around the house & tried to recover more. Went to my Dr. here for post-IL-2 bloodwork. As all week, I felt great, though completely without energy. Plus, day 2 of post-IL-2 lasix...this tends to keep a person...close to home, let's just say. I did get dropped off @ church to catch up on some email stuff (web trouble @ the house).
Thursday - went crazy today. Lunch w/ my friend Eddie Baker & the coaches helping with his Upward basketball camp, followed by sitting in Eddie's office & catching up on church stuff. Then home to take a nap, for I was (everybody now) totally wiped out from eating & sitting.
Friday - breakfast w/ Lisa & Anne. Then dropped @ church to catch up on email/web stuff. 10:32 a.m., & I'm already tired from eating & sitting...
So, basically, I feel more or less normal, if normal means "good for about 30 minutes of sitting & talking, followed by a 2-hour nap..." The lack of energy thing is a hassle, but then, I'm regularly reminded that lying around & sleeping is probably not a bad plan for preparing for round 2 week after next...
Thanks so much, my friends, for all of your prayers and encouragement during this season. We are most humbled and grateful for the many ways God has used you folks to add grace notes to our lives. Can I ask you to hang with us in prayer a bit longer? My prayer is that after round 2 we'll discover that "there's nothing to see here" and move on to other, more normal life concerns like where Anne will go to college, James' 1st year of pharmacy school, how to teach & research econ & finance things better, and whether my alma mater will finally restore order to the universe by beating Auburn in the Iron Bowl. (sadly, my prediction is no, for one more year...)
And that's the news from Hattiesburg, where all the women are strong, the men are handsome, and all the children are above average! (thank you, Garrison Keillor!)
With much love and hope,
Mike
p.s. - go over to Jason & Steph's site & read through the last several journal entries; you'll be blessed and encouraged. You might not want to read them in a public place though. Personally, I particularly enjoyed the picture of them burning all of the medical stuff...
p.p.s. - Dr. Homsi's nurse just called to discuss my bloodwork (routine call). All's well, except for one liver enzyme, bila-something, that was high when I left Monday & is still high. It is coming down, which is good, but still a bit high. She said we'd just monitor it w/ next week's scheduled bloodwork. (boy, how I love getting stuck...wait...no I don't...*sigh*) The only wrinkle is that because of this bila-whatever being high, I can't take my cholesterol pill. Isn't chemically-aided living fun??
Monday - discharged & outta there for a brief season. Home about 10:30 p.m., and I was totally wiped out from sitting & riding in the truck driven by Lisa & Jim. ("Totally wiped out" will be a recurring theme in this post...) After greeting James & Anne & Mom at home, I tossed & turned for 10-15 seconds before settling in for an 11.5 hour sleep.
Tuesday - a day I'd dreaded (mistakenly!)...the celebration of my Lord in the life of my buddy, Jason Weathers. (some would call it a funeral...I much prefer "celebration" or "coronation.") Stephanie sent me a text Tuesday morning saying that she wanted to worship today; mission accomplished, my friend! (aside: you didn't misread that...she sent me a text on the day of her hubby's funeral encouraging me...Y'all who don't know her should meet Steph; God is all over this woman, even in the midst of her grief!) We sang praises to our God, we laughed, we cried a bit, we laughed some more, we praised some more...I was an honorary pallbearer, which is a very high honor. Steph's Dad, my friend Gary Shows, used my poem "Giants" to close out his message--that's a higher honor still! I got there early, & thus the casket was still open, so I wandered up. And was struck anew with the total impermanence of these bodies and this life, and with the total, decisive, glorious, eternality of life with our Savior. "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here..." was what came to mind.
And then, home to take a nap before retiring for the evening. (totally wiped out...)
Wednesday - a not-much day (another recurring theme...) Hung around the house & tried to recover more. Went to my Dr. here for post-IL-2 bloodwork. As all week, I felt great, though completely without energy. Plus, day 2 of post-IL-2 lasix...this tends to keep a person...close to home, let's just say. I did get dropped off @ church to catch up on some email stuff (web trouble @ the house).
Thursday - went crazy today. Lunch w/ my friend Eddie Baker & the coaches helping with his Upward basketball camp, followed by sitting in Eddie's office & catching up on church stuff. Then home to take a nap, for I was (everybody now) totally wiped out from eating & sitting.
Friday - breakfast w/ Lisa & Anne. Then dropped @ church to catch up on email/web stuff. 10:32 a.m., & I'm already tired from eating & sitting...
So, basically, I feel more or less normal, if normal means "good for about 30 minutes of sitting & talking, followed by a 2-hour nap..." The lack of energy thing is a hassle, but then, I'm regularly reminded that lying around & sleeping is probably not a bad plan for preparing for round 2 week after next...
Thanks so much, my friends, for all of your prayers and encouragement during this season. We are most humbled and grateful for the many ways God has used you folks to add grace notes to our lives. Can I ask you to hang with us in prayer a bit longer? My prayer is that after round 2 we'll discover that "there's nothing to see here" and move on to other, more normal life concerns like where Anne will go to college, James' 1st year of pharmacy school, how to teach & research econ & finance things better, and whether my alma mater will finally restore order to the universe by beating Auburn in the Iron Bowl. (sadly, my prediction is no, for one more year...)
And that's the news from Hattiesburg, where all the women are strong, the men are handsome, and all the children are above average! (thank you, Garrison Keillor!)
With much love and hope,
Mike
p.s. - go over to Jason & Steph's site & read through the last several journal entries; you'll be blessed and encouraged. You might not want to read them in a public place though. Personally, I particularly enjoyed the picture of them burning all of the medical stuff...
p.p.s. - Dr. Homsi's nurse just called to discuss my bloodwork (routine call). All's well, except for one liver enzyme, bila-something, that was high when I left Monday & is still high. It is coming down, which is good, but still a bit high. She said we'd just monitor it w/ next week's scheduled bloodwork. (boy, how I love getting stuck...wait...no I don't...*sigh*) The only wrinkle is that because of this bila-whatever being high, I can't take my cholesterol pill. Isn't chemically-aided living fun??
Monday, July 14, 2008
With apologies to the original...
..."Happiness is M.D. Anderson in your rear-view mirror..." *grin*
Still sitting in the room, but only because (a) Lisa's @ the pharmacy, and (b) Jim's enroute, and (c) transport hasn't arrived yet. Excuse me just a moment...OK, there, I'm back. (had to look at and scoff at the IV pole that used to be attached like an anchor to me, but is no more!)
So in the very near future, we are setting our faces like flint toward H'burg and heading out. It only took 5 different people to completely cover all of my rules & medical restrictions & such....*sigh* Sadly, I s'pose I no longer have the right to barf on anyone standing near...I never actually exercised that right, but it did engender quite the power trip there for a week...*huge grin*
Weight-wise, I dang near completed a full-term pregnancy in the last 6 days. Gained and lost 25 pounds. Yeah...fairly incredible from here too! Sadly, "getting to where I started" is a long way away from "getting to where I need to be..." *sigh*
Here's the thing about the next couple of weeks that's hard for me: while my immune system is not compromised (difference between immunotherapy and chemo), I still do not need to pick up any colds or infections or diseases. Getting sick would delay my next batch of IL-2 for a week. And let me tell you...now that I know just how much, um, fun IL-2 is, I DON'T want to delay this next batch.
Therefore--the hard part--I'm going to be rather cold and distant in terms of hugs & handshakes & hanging out & the like. I hate this!!! But medical reality is what it is. For example tomorrow afternoon, I'll see a bunch of people I'd love to hug. People I need to hug. But alas...Please, oh please, do not be insulted if all you get is a wave & a smile. I definitely take rain checks on hugs & handshakes & Starbucks trips & the like. Besides, perhaps these rainchecks will allow the actual hugs to be hugs celebrating this great, hoped-for news in a couple of months: "It seems your melanoma is gone..." At that point, I may well get arrested for hugging random folks on the street! Luckily for me, I know & love this great deputy sheriff who named his K-9 after me...(not really, but I still can say Mikey's named after me...)
Now to the more important matters...
Pray for Stephanie, Anna Lea, Jon Brent, & Ally...and for Jon Mark & Peggy, Jason's parents...and for Brad & Sherry, Jason's brother...and for Scott & Ashley Shows, Stephanie's brother...and for Gary & Nancy Shows, Stephanie's parents.
This afternoon's visitation time will be TOUGH on them.
Tomorrow's funeral will also be TOUGH.
The best thing you can do for me today & tomorrow is pray for my friends as they grieve, celebrate, and say "see you later" to their loved one, Jason.
I've grieved selfishly for my loss of him (see the previous post below). But my grief is just a shadow of the grief of a wife...and a child...and parents...and a brother...and inlaws. Mine is not even close.
Thanks so much for your prayers! Hope to be waving at you soon! *smile*
Much love,
Mike
Still sitting in the room, but only because (a) Lisa's @ the pharmacy, and (b) Jim's enroute, and (c) transport hasn't arrived yet. Excuse me just a moment...OK, there, I'm back. (had to look at and scoff at the IV pole that used to be attached like an anchor to me, but is no more!)
So in the very near future, we are setting our faces like flint toward H'burg and heading out. It only took 5 different people to completely cover all of my rules & medical restrictions & such....*sigh* Sadly, I s'pose I no longer have the right to barf on anyone standing near...I never actually exercised that right, but it did engender quite the power trip there for a week...*huge grin*
Weight-wise, I dang near completed a full-term pregnancy in the last 6 days. Gained and lost 25 pounds. Yeah...fairly incredible from here too! Sadly, "getting to where I started" is a long way away from "getting to where I need to be..." *sigh*
Here's the thing about the next couple of weeks that's hard for me: while my immune system is not compromised (difference between immunotherapy and chemo), I still do not need to pick up any colds or infections or diseases. Getting sick would delay my next batch of IL-2 for a week. And let me tell you...now that I know just how much, um, fun IL-2 is, I DON'T want to delay this next batch.
Therefore--the hard part--I'm going to be rather cold and distant in terms of hugs & handshakes & hanging out & the like. I hate this!!! But medical reality is what it is. For example tomorrow afternoon, I'll see a bunch of people I'd love to hug. People I need to hug. But alas...Please, oh please, do not be insulted if all you get is a wave & a smile. I definitely take rain checks on hugs & handshakes & Starbucks trips & the like. Besides, perhaps these rainchecks will allow the actual hugs to be hugs celebrating this great, hoped-for news in a couple of months: "It seems your melanoma is gone..." At that point, I may well get arrested for hugging random folks on the street! Luckily for me, I know & love this great deputy sheriff who named his K-9 after me...(not really, but I still can say Mikey's named after me...)
Now to the more important matters...
Pray for Stephanie, Anna Lea, Jon Brent, & Ally...and for Jon Mark & Peggy, Jason's parents...and for Brad & Sherry, Jason's brother...and for Scott & Ashley Shows, Stephanie's brother...and for Gary & Nancy Shows, Stephanie's parents.
This afternoon's visitation time will be TOUGH on them.
Tomorrow's funeral will also be TOUGH.
The best thing you can do for me today & tomorrow is pray for my friends as they grieve, celebrate, and say "see you later" to their loved one, Jason.
I've grieved selfishly for my loss of him (see the previous post below). But my grief is just a shadow of the grief of a wife...and a child...and parents...and a brother...and inlaws. Mine is not even close.
Thanks so much for your prayers! Hope to be waving at you soon! *smile*
Much love,
Mike
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Jason Weathers' faith has become sight
Last night, just before 11:00 p.m. his chains were removed and he was set free in the land where the Son shines forever. I am a better man for having the privilege of being his friend for 18 years, just over half of his life.
And now, I am short one role model.
Role models need not be older, though they usually are. Mainly, though, role models just need to be better. And Jason was. He claimed he was influenced by me; perhaps so, in terms of knowledge. But much more, he influenced me via his life and faith.
The last words he ever spoke directly to me--in the parking lot at Starbucks--were "I love you, Mike." The last words that I know of that he ever spoke about me were to his precious wife as I was about to head out to MDA for this hellacious cancer treatment: "Tell Mike I'm praying for him." If I could pick 2 "last" sentences to hear from a much-loved buddy, I'd pick those 2. To think of Jason, sick as a dog from chemo-related pneumonia for weeks, taking the time to pray for me...as I say, role models just need to be better. And he was.
A couple of movie scenes. First, Forrest Gump. Forrest & Jennie are throwing rocks at the house where her father mistreated her until they collapse in exhaustion. Forrest says, "sometimes there aren't enough rocks." Well, turning the scene completely around, though I am a lover of words, sometimes there just aren't enough words to properly capture the depth of my thoughts & feelings. This is most assuredly one of those times.
The other mentioned yesterday here, from The Last Samurai. The application to me is very straightforward. I will not reduce Jason to the last week of his life...breathing machines, seizures, & such. Thus, I will not tell how he died. But I will always talk about how he lived! Triumphantly, in a word. Exemplary, in another word. Faithfully, in yet another. Lovingly. With great fun and many laughs along the way.
The Emperor: “Tell me how he died.”
The American: “I will tell you how he lived.”
John Piper says there are some emotions too deep to be captured by anything except poetry. I'm not much of a poet, though I've tried a couple of times. Ironically, both of my real poems were written after the passing of great friends and role models. Anyway, I find Piper to be correct in this thinking. Thus, without apology for quality, and with hope that a piece of my soul as relates to a departed buddy has been captured, here's something I began writing yesterday when I heard that Jason's departure was likely at hand. It was completed last night after his homegoing.
May we all finish so well!
Giants
Mike Madaris, 7/12/08, on the coronation of my buddy Jason Weathers
Giants still walk the land occasionally.
I know this, because I knew one.
Physically strong and imposing
But that’s not the topic here,
For, he was not fearsome
Unless you lined up opposite him
On a football field
Or tried to throw him into a pool against his will.
Those aside, He got along with everybody.
Literally, everybody, as far as I knew.
Calm of demeanor, yet loved to laugh.
Quiet in personality, yet loved hard rock.
Intelligent, but not desiring to flaunt that.
Private, yet the son of a very public man
And later, married into another very public family.
In the midst of all, he was a giant.
The courtship. She was the only one.
They met when her Dad took a job at the giant’s church.
And his Dad’s. And his Granddad’s.
The realizing came quickly to most.
These two were a match.
They realized it too.
The courtship lasted until they finished college.
And he remained a giant.
Always loving, yet always honoring.
Serving. Cherishing. As it was intended to be.
Role models. Giants.
Who else marries a giant, but another giant after all?
10 years of marriage. A move to FL.
3 children deeply treasured.
One looks like her mother, yet like Dad in temperament.
One looks like his Dad, yet tempered like his mother.
And one too young to answer these questions
Though she surely looks like her Dad.
Each nurtured. Treasured. Celebrated.
Giants are like that about their offspring.
A servant’s heart.
Toward his lady. Toward his children.
Toward his friends. Toward his Lord.
Church service involved the out of the way
The behind the scenes
The un-glamorous
The invisible.
Sometimes giants stay in the background.
Perhaps that is why so few of us believe in them any more.
The servant heart spilled over into career choice.
Especially poignant to me this week
As I have been greatly served and blessed by multiple nurses
As a patient, the best in that field are wired as servants.
Others-centered. Paycheck almost incidental.
Towering over the rest of us.
Giants.
The dreadful disease with the nasty prognosis
The treatment nearly as nasty
Uncertainty. Doubt. Fear.
In this case, for others more than self
Beloved wife and treasured children.
Parents. Parents-in-law. Brother. Brother-in-law.
Not wanting to burden others with the battle he fought so well.
The larger men among us worry about us like that.
7 months of desperate fighting.
Interspersed with time spent with family and with lesser mortals.
Like me. At Starbucks. Still dreaming of an earthly future that would never be.
Then the end; rather, the beginning.
What, after all, is a last, horrendous week against 30+ years of a towering-above life?
Faith became sight.
Death & disease forever vanquished.
Healing. No more illness, no more treatment, no more pain.
“Well Done, good and faithful servant.” The stuff of dreams. Thankfully, not of legends.
Hopes and dreams realized.
Sin not only defeated, but now utterly removed.
As has been sung, "I can only imagine." He need not imagine any more.
This makes me smile through tears.
Victory won. Decisively. Forever.
It is well…it is well with his soul.
In that land, there are only giants. Now one more.
And this land seems all the more empty.
(Want to catch a glimpse of a life so well-lived? Click over to Jason & Steph's Caringbridge site and read through the journals, written by his wife and his brother and his brother-in-law. Then read through the guestbook and note how far and wide the posts are geographically.)
So, Jason, my friend...catch you later. Where we'll laugh about how AML & melanoma truly were "light & momentary afflictions" as Paul put it so long ago. Save me a seat at the concert of the age, where we'll headbang for eternity. (although your section of the audience might not allow hammerheads like myself in...can I play the "friend of Jason" card? *smile*)
Thanks for sharing dreams, hard rock music, coffee, fears, triumphs, joys, and sorrows with me, bro. Rock on! You'll be missed. And celebrated.
With much love,
Mike - 2 John 3:1
And now, I am short one role model.
Role models need not be older, though they usually are. Mainly, though, role models just need to be better. And Jason was. He claimed he was influenced by me; perhaps so, in terms of knowledge. But much more, he influenced me via his life and faith.
The last words he ever spoke directly to me--in the parking lot at Starbucks--were "I love you, Mike." The last words that I know of that he ever spoke about me were to his precious wife as I was about to head out to MDA for this hellacious cancer treatment: "Tell Mike I'm praying for him." If I could pick 2 "last" sentences to hear from a much-loved buddy, I'd pick those 2. To think of Jason, sick as a dog from chemo-related pneumonia for weeks, taking the time to pray for me...as I say, role models just need to be better. And he was.
A couple of movie scenes. First, Forrest Gump. Forrest & Jennie are throwing rocks at the house where her father mistreated her until they collapse in exhaustion. Forrest says, "sometimes there aren't enough rocks." Well, turning the scene completely around, though I am a lover of words, sometimes there just aren't enough words to properly capture the depth of my thoughts & feelings. This is most assuredly one of those times.
The other mentioned yesterday here, from The Last Samurai. The application to me is very straightforward. I will not reduce Jason to the last week of his life...breathing machines, seizures, & such. Thus, I will not tell how he died. But I will always talk about how he lived! Triumphantly, in a word. Exemplary, in another word. Faithfully, in yet another. Lovingly. With great fun and many laughs along the way.
The Emperor: “Tell me how he died.”
The American: “I will tell you how he lived.”
John Piper says there are some emotions too deep to be captured by anything except poetry. I'm not much of a poet, though I've tried a couple of times. Ironically, both of my real poems were written after the passing of great friends and role models. Anyway, I find Piper to be correct in this thinking. Thus, without apology for quality, and with hope that a piece of my soul as relates to a departed buddy has been captured, here's something I began writing yesterday when I heard that Jason's departure was likely at hand. It was completed last night after his homegoing.
May we all finish so well!
Giants
Mike Madaris, 7/12/08, on the coronation of my buddy Jason Weathers
Giants still walk the land occasionally.
I know this, because I knew one.
Physically strong and imposing
But that’s not the topic here,
For, he was not fearsome
Unless you lined up opposite him
On a football field
Or tried to throw him into a pool against his will.
Those aside, He got along with everybody.
Literally, everybody, as far as I knew.
Calm of demeanor, yet loved to laugh.
Quiet in personality, yet loved hard rock.
Intelligent, but not desiring to flaunt that.
Private, yet the son of a very public man
And later, married into another very public family.
In the midst of all, he was a giant.
The courtship. She was the only one.
They met when her Dad took a job at the giant’s church.
And his Dad’s. And his Granddad’s.
The realizing came quickly to most.
These two were a match.
They realized it too.
The courtship lasted until they finished college.
And he remained a giant.
Always loving, yet always honoring.
Serving. Cherishing. As it was intended to be.
Role models. Giants.
Who else marries a giant, but another giant after all?
10 years of marriage. A move to FL.
3 children deeply treasured.
One looks like her mother, yet like Dad in temperament.
One looks like his Dad, yet tempered like his mother.
And one too young to answer these questions
Though she surely looks like her Dad.
Each nurtured. Treasured. Celebrated.
Giants are like that about their offspring.
A servant’s heart.
Toward his lady. Toward his children.
Toward his friends. Toward his Lord.
Church service involved the out of the way
The behind the scenes
The un-glamorous
The invisible.
Sometimes giants stay in the background.
Perhaps that is why so few of us believe in them any more.
The servant heart spilled over into career choice.
Especially poignant to me this week
As I have been greatly served and blessed by multiple nurses
As a patient, the best in that field are wired as servants.
Others-centered. Paycheck almost incidental.
Towering over the rest of us.
Giants.
The dreadful disease with the nasty prognosis
The treatment nearly as nasty
Uncertainty. Doubt. Fear.
In this case, for others more than self
Beloved wife and treasured children.
Parents. Parents-in-law. Brother. Brother-in-law.
Not wanting to burden others with the battle he fought so well.
The larger men among us worry about us like that.
7 months of desperate fighting.
Interspersed with time spent with family and with lesser mortals.
Like me. At Starbucks. Still dreaming of an earthly future that would never be.
Then the end; rather, the beginning.
What, after all, is a last, horrendous week against 30+ years of a towering-above life?
Faith became sight.
Death & disease forever vanquished.
Healing. No more illness, no more treatment, no more pain.
“Well Done, good and faithful servant.” The stuff of dreams. Thankfully, not of legends.
Hopes and dreams realized.
Sin not only defeated, but now utterly removed.
As has been sung, "I can only imagine." He need not imagine any more.
This makes me smile through tears.
Victory won. Decisively. Forever.
It is well…it is well with his soul.
In that land, there are only giants. Now one more.
And this land seems all the more empty.
(Want to catch a glimpse of a life so well-lived? Click over to Jason & Steph's Caringbridge site and read through the journals, written by his wife and his brother and his brother-in-law. Then read through the guestbook and note how far and wide the posts are geographically.)
So, Jason, my friend...catch you later. Where we'll laugh about how AML & melanoma truly were "light & momentary afflictions" as Paul put it so long ago. Save me a seat at the concert of the age, where we'll headbang for eternity. (although your section of the audience might not allow hammerheads like myself in...can I play the "friend of Jason" card? *smile*)
Thanks for sharing dreams, hard rock music, coffee, fears, triumphs, joys, and sorrows with me, bro. Rock on! You'll be missed. And celebrated.
With much love,
Mike - 2 John 3:1
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Some interesting things I've learned about IL-2
We're (finally) in a regular room as of about 4 hours ago. Thus, I'm only hooked up to the IV pole. In ICU, I was hooked up to the IV pole, plus the blood oxygen sensor, plus the blood pressure cuff that automatically checked my BP every hour or so, plus the vast array of heart rate & respiration rate sensors. So, comparatively speaking, um, w00t! *smile*
Among the numerous side effects of IL-2 is the fact that the patient/victim gains a tremendous amount of weight due to fluid retention. So, grab hold of your "are you kidding me" sensor...I gained 25 pounds from Tuesday a.m. through Thurs a.m. (everybody now: "Great Googlymoogly!!") And my weight loss is right at average for IL-2 folks. Now, while your circuits are overloaded, check this out...when I leave here Monday (probably) I will have lost most of it back. Remarkable, to my simple mind...Luckily for me, I was pretty slim when I started...wait...no I wasn't...*sigh*
Next thing I learned: how one loses it back. There are these 2 wonder drugs: dopamine and lasix. I started on Dopamine yesterday, and dropped 8 pounds. Then this morning, I added lasix. Let me tell you, amigos...*ponders how to say it*...lasix works! Very, very well. Sparing a few details, I'll be dadburn close to fighting weight by Monday morning! (note carefully: lasix throws off fluids only; thus, it would absolutely NOT be a good way to boost one's personal weight loss plan. Be aware than I have 3 other bags hanging on the IV pole just to deal with the lasix effects. Just so you know...besides, lasix requires very regular and immediate access to sanitary facilities, let's just say)
Here's a sad thing: IL-2 seriously messes with one's skin. I made a tactical error yesterday and shaved with an electric razor (I'm normally a regular razor guy). Thus, now I look like I shaved with a rather dull fishing knife without cleaning it off first. In addition, I look like a combo of a very serious acne case and the survivor of a close-at-hand nuclear reactor accident. (Every teenager's nightmare: overweight, body functions barely under control, and very severe acne...yeah... And since I recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of my 20-19th birthday, it's been a very long time since I was a teenager...)
Lisa learned quite a bit about the sanitary care of my PICC line port. Several hours of class, hands-on demos by the nurse, the whole bit. Only to discover this morning that Dr. Homsi prefers to remove them when his IL-2 patients go home. Removing the PICC & then getting a new one upon return greatly reduces the risk of infection. I'm all for that! Lisa sez she's not the slightest bit insulted, as she was not completely eager to demonstrate her newfound medical knowledge. So, should any of you have a PICC line that needs a sanitary dressing change, Lisa can prolly help, as long as you ask in the next couple of days before that bit of useless knowledge dissipates into the nothingness of "don't need to know that any more..."
Schedule change: turns out, I have 2 weeks off at home, and then back for round 2. Then a week or 2 after that, back here for CT scans. The all-important CT scans. Your prayers are most welcome about those.
Very cool thing: the nurse practitioner said that patients with melanoma confined to the lungs specifically tend to respond better to IL-2. Thus, please pray that mine stays so confined!
Jim & Lisa have been absolute champs, which surprises nobody who knows either of them. Their champ-like character has been tested since we discovered how very effective lasix is...Seriously, though, they've been great! As you pray, please thank God for them. And btw, the mission trip Jim was to take with his wife to Ecuador left this morning. Please remember them...and him! He has not hesitated nor been resentful. Thanks, bro!
Your prayers have been absolutely indispensable this week. I can never repay you, but He to Whom you prayed can. And He will, in this life or in the next.
With much love and gratitude,
Mike
p.s. - I trust you're aware that the time of departure for my dear friend Jason Weathers' appears to be at hand. After being told that there is no brain activity, they have made the amazingly difficult decision to allow Jason to enter eternity. (as I write, this has not occured yet) I have been grieving very hard this morning, and my grief is but a sample of that his wife Stephanie, their children Anna Lea, Jon Brent, and Ally, his parents, his brother, his inlaws are experiencing. At the great risk of diminishing the moment, I just watched The Last Samurai, and thought of the ending scene this morning after reading Brad's post about Jason. A great Samurai warrior has been killed in battle, alongside an American soldier. A few days later, the emperor who was fond of the Samurai says to the American: "Tell me how he died." The American says with no hesitation, "I will tell you how he lived." Jason lived very, very well. This passage could have been written about him:
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ….Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I Peter 2:5-8, 10-11
Among the numerous side effects of IL-2 is the fact that the patient/victim gains a tremendous amount of weight due to fluid retention. So, grab hold of your "are you kidding me" sensor...I gained 25 pounds from Tuesday a.m. through Thurs a.m. (everybody now: "Great Googlymoogly!!") And my weight loss is right at average for IL-2 folks. Now, while your circuits are overloaded, check this out...when I leave here Monday (probably) I will have lost most of it back. Remarkable, to my simple mind...Luckily for me, I was pretty slim when I started...wait...no I wasn't...*sigh*
Next thing I learned: how one loses it back. There are these 2 wonder drugs: dopamine and lasix. I started on Dopamine yesterday, and dropped 8 pounds. Then this morning, I added lasix. Let me tell you, amigos...*ponders how to say it*...lasix works! Very, very well. Sparing a few details, I'll be dadburn close to fighting weight by Monday morning! (note carefully: lasix throws off fluids only; thus, it would absolutely NOT be a good way to boost one's personal weight loss plan. Be aware than I have 3 other bags hanging on the IV pole just to deal with the lasix effects. Just so you know...besides, lasix requires very regular and immediate access to sanitary facilities, let's just say)
Here's a sad thing: IL-2 seriously messes with one's skin. I made a tactical error yesterday and shaved with an electric razor (I'm normally a regular razor guy). Thus, now I look like I shaved with a rather dull fishing knife without cleaning it off first. In addition, I look like a combo of a very serious acne case and the survivor of a close-at-hand nuclear reactor accident. (Every teenager's nightmare: overweight, body functions barely under control, and very severe acne...yeah... And since I recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of my 20-19th birthday, it's been a very long time since I was a teenager...)
Lisa learned quite a bit about the sanitary care of my PICC line port. Several hours of class, hands-on demos by the nurse, the whole bit. Only to discover this morning that Dr. Homsi prefers to remove them when his IL-2 patients go home. Removing the PICC & then getting a new one upon return greatly reduces the risk of infection. I'm all for that! Lisa sez she's not the slightest bit insulted, as she was not completely eager to demonstrate her newfound medical knowledge. So, should any of you have a PICC line that needs a sanitary dressing change, Lisa can prolly help, as long as you ask in the next couple of days before that bit of useless knowledge dissipates into the nothingness of "don't need to know that any more..."
Schedule change: turns out, I have 2 weeks off at home, and then back for round 2. Then a week or 2 after that, back here for CT scans. The all-important CT scans. Your prayers are most welcome about those.
Very cool thing: the nurse practitioner said that patients with melanoma confined to the lungs specifically tend to respond better to IL-2. Thus, please pray that mine stays so confined!
Jim & Lisa have been absolute champs, which surprises nobody who knows either of them. Their champ-like character has been tested since we discovered how very effective lasix is...Seriously, though, they've been great! As you pray, please thank God for them. And btw, the mission trip Jim was to take with his wife to Ecuador left this morning. Please remember them...and him! He has not hesitated nor been resentful. Thanks, bro!
Your prayers have been absolutely indispensable this week. I can never repay you, but He to Whom you prayed can. And He will, in this life or in the next.
With much love and gratitude,
Mike
p.s. - I trust you're aware that the time of departure for my dear friend Jason Weathers' appears to be at hand. After being told that there is no brain activity, they have made the amazingly difficult decision to allow Jason to enter eternity. (as I write, this has not occured yet) I have been grieving very hard this morning, and my grief is but a sample of that his wife Stephanie, their children Anna Lea, Jon Brent, and Ally, his parents, his brother, his inlaws are experiencing. At the great risk of diminishing the moment, I just watched The Last Samurai, and thought of the ending scene this morning after reading Brad's post about Jason. A great Samurai warrior has been killed in battle, alongside an American soldier. A few days later, the emperor who was fond of the Samurai says to the American: "Tell me how he died." The American says with no hesitation, "I will tell you how he lived." Jason lived very, very well. This passage could have been written about him:
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ….Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I Peter 2:5-8, 10-11
Friday, July 11, 2008
6 is the number, and the number shall be 6
As of Dr. visit just a bit ago, I'm officially finished with this round. Made it thru 6 trtmts, and then things went rather far south. The biggies were (a) platelet count being so low, and (b) depressed,shallow breathing. The breathing is because of massive fluid retention (expected side effect). So, I'm done with this round. Will get to a regular room asap. May get all the way out on Sunday.
I'll write more about the IL-2 trtmts later when I feel better ane when I'm not typing with a device attached to my fimger.
Thanks so much for your prayers! Please keep 'em coming for a couple more days. Now though, you can shift gears to asking God for quick offload of the fluid and for complete recovery.
Much love to all!
Mike
p.s. - if you're not already doing so, please visit Jason Weathers' blog, which is here. Jason has taken a MASSIVE turn for the worst. Read the journal entries to get the story. Prayers are urgently needed!
Let me say at this point that 6 treatments is basically the norm; NO one gets anywhere close to 14, according to the docs. So I'm happy that I was able to get #6 onboard. God is, as always, on His throne.
I'll write more about the IL-2 trtmts later when I feel better ane when I'm not typing with a device attached to my fimger.
Thanks so much for your prayers! Please keep 'em coming for a couple more days. Now though, you can shift gears to asking God for quick offload of the fluid and for complete recovery.
Much love to all!
Mike
p.s. - if you're not already doing so, please visit Jason Weathers' blog, which is here. Jason has taken a MASSIVE turn for the worst. Read the journal entries to get the story. Prayers are urgently needed!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
24/7 God
Good morning dear ones,
Lisa here to catch you up on Mike.
We are on #6 and to the point where Dr. says we'll evaluate after each treatment to determine if Mike's body can handle one more. He is still handling it pretty well but the overall toll is beginning to show. Mike seems a little more worn out with each treatment but we are to the point of recognizing beginning of side effects that come with each new treatment and the nurses are super quick with just the right meds!
I am sometimes concerned about treatments in the middle of the night since I know our prayer warriors do have additional duties of jobs and families so some sleep is required. :) But last night's treatment at 1:30 am was the most uneventful so far. Mike slept thru the whole thing and had zero side effects! Thanks so much to you late nighters and to a God who does not sleep. How your prayers and encouragement have carried us! We are thankful.
Love to you all,
Lisa
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121:3
p.s. - thanks for all the encouraging e-mails.
Lisa here to catch you up on Mike.
We are on #6 and to the point where Dr. says we'll evaluate after each treatment to determine if Mike's body can handle one more. He is still handling it pretty well but the overall toll is beginning to show. Mike seems a little more worn out with each treatment but we are to the point of recognizing beginning of side effects that come with each new treatment and the nurses are super quick with just the right meds!
I am sometimes concerned about treatments in the middle of the night since I know our prayer warriors do have additional duties of jobs and families so some sleep is required. :) But last night's treatment at 1:30 am was the most uneventful so far. Mike slept thru the whole thing and had zero side effects! Thanks so much to you late nighters and to a God who does not sleep. How your prayers and encouragement have carried us! We are thankful.
Love to you all,
Lisa
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121:3
p.s. - thanks for all the encouraging e-mails.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Day 2 in IL-2 World
Wed, 3:00pm 21% of the 14-dose treatment complete! (Jim here) Mike has begun to show some side effects, as expected, from the interleuken-2. He has fairly major chills, requiring sedation, with each new dose, and has begun to have a slight fever. So far the chills only last about 30 minutes, with the aid of a shot of dilaudid. But other than the shakes--which are definitely significant--he feels okay, and is in typically good Mike-spirits. He is reading Celebrating the Wrath of God, a find from the sale rack of Lisa's store, and rereading Book I of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Dose 3 complete this morning 9:30, dose 4 tonight at 5:30. Between those two--today--is when full-on side effects typically kick in.
The on-call attending physician today was Dr. Hwu, who formerly worked with the National Cancer Institute. That body is where high-dose IL-2 therapy was recently invented/refined; and Dr. Hwu was a member of the team that developed it! So Mike & Lisa were able to talk with him and learn more about this treatment.
Mike was moved today to a nearby ICU pod because of staffing issues--basically, his nurse was very busy with his other patient (they are assigned to patients 2:1), and this pod's nurses were less busy. The real benefit to us all is that this room has (a) a bathroom, and most particularly (b) a shower Lisa can use! God is good.
Lisa is, of course, by Mike's side continually. But she's heeding the nurses' advice to care for the caregiver. She & I have been able to sample the area hospital cuisines, some of which are actually pretty good. She is able to sleep here nightly, and will let me relieve her some.
By the way, Mike's emails you send to the Anderson website, which are printed on yellow paper and delivered to him, are so voluminous I wouldn't be surprised if the nurses just brought him
a printer to the ICU! Your love and concern for Mike & Lisa is wonderful and humbling; keep 'em coming! He loves to hear from each of you.
In His grip,
Jim
The on-call attending physician today was Dr. Hwu, who formerly worked with the National Cancer Institute. That body is where high-dose IL-2 therapy was recently invented/refined; and Dr. Hwu was a member of the team that developed it! So Mike & Lisa were able to talk with him and learn more about this treatment.
Mike was moved today to a nearby ICU pod because of staffing issues--basically, his nurse was very busy with his other patient (they are assigned to patients 2:1), and this pod's nurses were less busy. The real benefit to us all is that this room has (a) a bathroom, and most particularly (b) a shower Lisa can use! God is good.
Lisa is, of course, by Mike's side continually. But she's heeding the nurses' advice to care for the caregiver. She & I have been able to sample the area hospital cuisines, some of which are actually pretty good. She is able to sleep here nightly, and will let me relieve her some.
By the way, Mike's emails you send to the Anderson website, which are printed on yellow paper and delivered to him, are so voluminous I wouldn't be surprised if the nurses just brought him
a printer to the ICU! Your love and concern for Mike & Lisa is wonderful and humbling; keep 'em coming! He loves to hear from each of you.
In His grip,
Jim
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
2:30 & counting
Hello, everyone. Jim here, subbing (poorly) for Mike. As you'll quickly notice, he got all the writing genes in the family...
We are grateful, as anyone who has ever been through a situation like this knows, for the small blessings which are everywhere around us--whether or not we notice them. Here is one of which we are aware: two hours and 30 minutes since dose #1, and Mike has had no side effects at all. He is his usual cheery self, cracking wise about various absurdities associated with this treatment and hospital life; his vital signs are all completely normal at this point; and he feels fine at this point. We know things obviously won't remain this way, but Mike, Lisa, & I are all happy for this small part of the next 7 days with which God has blessed Mike--symptom- and side effect-free.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matt: 6:34
We are grateful, as anyone who has ever been through a situation like this knows, for the small blessings which are everywhere around us--whether or not we notice them. Here is one of which we are aware: two hours and 30 minutes since dose #1, and Mike has had no side effects at all. He is his usual cheery self, cracking wise about various absurdities associated with this treatment and hospital life; his vital signs are all completely normal at this point; and he feels fine at this point. We know things obviously won't remain this way, but Mike, Lisa, & I are all happy for this small part of the next 7 days with which God has blessed Mike--symptom- and side effect-free.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matt: 6:34
Live from MDA's ICU...
...it's Mike, blogging from room 740. (I 'spect I'll not feel much like blogging in the rather near future; Jim & Lisa will keep folks informed)
As I type, dose #1 is finished coming on board. So far, so good...but the real fun will likely come after a few more doses. (the delay is due to point #1 below...the PICC line one)
Prayers are needed more than ever these next few days.
Been an interesting morning...
--millions of people have never had a PICC line installed; I've had 2 installed in the last 24 hours. (1st one only had one outlet, & I need 2...so...yeah...)
--I've lost count of the number of medical types who have had a hand in my care this morning
--my nurse says side effects will kick in within 45 min or so. (I'm pretty stoked...wait...no I'm not...*sigh*)
--I have to keep close track of all...bodily functions, let's say. This is not the most fun part of this deal...
--I've been given official permission to barf on anyone standing nearby, should the need arise. So I've got that going for me...*grin*
--Jim & Lisa are both here. Prayers are welcomed for them too.
--at one point, my nurse, the dietician, and the xray guys all showed up here at the same time, all needing to either talk to us or do a procedure. I felt so loved...or something...
--comforting news flash from the Dr. this a.m. - there's no correlation between number of treatments taken and success/effectiveness of the treatments. Dr. said a point will come when my body has had enough IL-2; at that point, they'll shut it down. He said not to be all bummed out (his quote) if I'm only able to take, say 8 trtmts. This was a comfort to my soul! Still, 13 more with minimal side effects would be great!
**I had a marvelous time with God this morning.** Want to know how God feels toward His people? Go read Isaiah 62. I was blown away anew by His heart toward me. I'll be re-reading this as often as possible these next few days...
I hope to be writing here again soon, but "soon" may be on the other side of IL-2-land. Know that you are loved and treasured by us. Much more, though, know that you are loved and treasured by God!
With love and hope...and just a touch of nervousness,
Mike - Isaiah 62:1, 3-4; 63:7-9
p.s. - was jusr given a batch of emails by my nurse. Thanks! (for more on how to do that, see down below...
As I type, dose #1 is finished coming on board. So far, so good...but the real fun will likely come after a few more doses. (the delay is due to point #1 below...the PICC line one)
Prayers are needed more than ever these next few days.
Been an interesting morning...
--millions of people have never had a PICC line installed; I've had 2 installed in the last 24 hours. (1st one only had one outlet, & I need 2...so...yeah...)
--I've lost count of the number of medical types who have had a hand in my care this morning
--my nurse says side effects will kick in within 45 min or so. (I'm pretty stoked...wait...no I'm not...*sigh*)
--I have to keep close track of all...bodily functions, let's say. This is not the most fun part of this deal...
--I've been given official permission to barf on anyone standing nearby, should the need arise. So I've got that going for me...*grin*
--Jim & Lisa are both here. Prayers are welcomed for them too.
--at one point, my nurse, the dietician, and the xray guys all showed up here at the same time, all needing to either talk to us or do a procedure. I felt so loved...or something...
--comforting news flash from the Dr. this a.m. - there's no correlation between number of treatments taken and success/effectiveness of the treatments. Dr. said a point will come when my body has had enough IL-2; at that point, they'll shut it down. He said not to be all bummed out (his quote) if I'm only able to take, say 8 trtmts. This was a comfort to my soul! Still, 13 more with minimal side effects would be great!
**I had a marvelous time with God this morning.** Want to know how God feels toward His people? Go read Isaiah 62. I was blown away anew by His heart toward me. I'll be re-reading this as often as possible these next few days...
I hope to be writing here again soon, but "soon" may be on the other side of IL-2-land. Know that you are loved and treasured by us. Much more, though, know that you are loved and treasured by God!
With love and hope...and just a touch of nervousness,
Mike - Isaiah 62:1, 3-4; 63:7-9
p.s. - was jusr given a batch of emails by my nurse. Thanks! (for more on how to do that, see down below...
Monday, July 7, 2008
Quick Update
Got time for a quick update before heading back to MDA to stay.
Final green light! Admission officially approved after a long day of tests & bloodletting & PICC-line installation. I'll be admitted tonight. ICU room will be ready around 8:30 p.m. Fluids given by IV tonight. 1st IL-2 dose comes at 9:00 tomorrow morning.
VERY exciting news!! Lisa can stay in the room with me! (Jim may stay a night or 2 later this week to give Lisa a break...)
Immediate prayer concerns:
--for me to be able to take all 14 doses of IL-2
--for minimal side effects (I wouldn't be opposed to pretty much sleeping for the duration...*sigh*)
--for me to be able to endure whatever side effects come
--for quick recovery when IL-2 is withdrawn
--for post-treatment effects to be minimal
**Macro prayer request: for God to use this IL-2 to completely heal me of this insidious disease!!**
Prolly out of MDA & headed home Monday. That'd be groovy too...
"PICC Line" - This is my immunotherapy port that sticks out just above the inside of my elbow. There is now official medical evidence that it's 44 centimeters from that point into my superior vena cava (apparently, a major vein near my heart...I was absent the day they taught science at my school...) Having a 44cm line with tubes on the end sticking out of one's arm is not nearly as comfortable as it sounds...Luckily, I get to keep this baby until I'm finished my next treatment. For $1 a head (or best offer), I'll let you see what a PICC line looks like. (of course, you can't see all 44 cm of it...only the outer end...) I think PICC is short for "pain injected continuously...crud!" or something like that.
One more potentially important thing:
There's a way for folks to send me email messages thru the Anderson website. Apparently, they print them out and bring them to me.
--go to mdanderson.org
--click on "current patients" on the left
--scroll down to "message to a patient" and click on it
--My info: Mike Madaris...male, last time I checked...May sixteen, nineteen fifty nine (young, thank you very much!)...my number is 747231
No obligation there; just thought it'd be interesting to see how that works.
I told Jim & Lisa that I feel like the brakes on the roller coaster just let go & I'm starting down the hill. And I've never really liked roller coasters much. Especially this one.
Thanks so much for your continued prayers!
Much love and great hope,
Mike
Final green light! Admission officially approved after a long day of tests & bloodletting & PICC-line installation. I'll be admitted tonight. ICU room will be ready around 8:30 p.m. Fluids given by IV tonight. 1st IL-2 dose comes at 9:00 tomorrow morning.
VERY exciting news!! Lisa can stay in the room with me! (Jim may stay a night or 2 later this week to give Lisa a break...)
Immediate prayer concerns:
--for me to be able to take all 14 doses of IL-2
--for minimal side effects (I wouldn't be opposed to pretty much sleeping for the duration...*sigh*)
--for me to be able to endure whatever side effects come
--for quick recovery when IL-2 is withdrawn
--for post-treatment effects to be minimal
**Macro prayer request: for God to use this IL-2 to completely heal me of this insidious disease!!**
Prolly out of MDA & headed home Monday. That'd be groovy too...
"PICC Line" - This is my immunotherapy port that sticks out just above the inside of my elbow. There is now official medical evidence that it's 44 centimeters from that point into my superior vena cava (apparently, a major vein near my heart...I was absent the day they taught science at my school...) Having a 44cm line with tubes on the end sticking out of one's arm is not nearly as comfortable as it sounds...Luckily, I get to keep this baby until I'm finished my next treatment. For $1 a head (or best offer), I'll let you see what a PICC line looks like. (of course, you can't see all 44 cm of it...only the outer end...) I think PICC is short for "pain injected continuously...crud!" or something like that.
One more potentially important thing:
There's a way for folks to send me email messages thru the Anderson website. Apparently, they print them out and bring them to me.
--go to mdanderson.org
--click on "current patients" on the left
--scroll down to "message to a patient" and click on it
--My info: Mike Madaris...male, last time I checked...May sixteen, nineteen fifty nine (young, thank you very much!)...my number is 747231
No obligation there; just thought it'd be interesting to see how that works.
I told Jim & Lisa that I feel like the brakes on the roller coaster just let go & I'm starting down the hill. And I've never really liked roller coasters much. Especially this one.
Thanks so much for your continued prayers!
Much love and great hope,
Mike
Into the Valley
We're off to Starbucks & then to MDA shortly. Some verses this morning that capture my soul.
A friend sent this 1st verse as a text last night. Another friend regularly quotes this and preceding verses as his favorites.
As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so I will seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness.
Ezekiel 34:12
Another version says "As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock, so will I look after my sheep."
The Great Shepherd is present and is on His throne. Lisa & I have great confidence in His "looking after" us.
"In You, O Lord, do I take refuge...in your righteousness, deliver me!" Psalm 31:1
"I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure." Psalm 16:8-9
"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in Whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:1-2
"O Lord my God, in You do I take refuge; save me from all my pursuers and deliver me, lest like a lion they tear my soul apart, rending it in pieces, with none to deliver." Psalm 7:1
"When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed?'" John 5:6
Thanks so much for your intercession this week. Please remember Lisa & Jim, who are here, and also James & Anne & my Mom, who have to walk this road with me from a distance.
I feel peace this morning, which I attribute to my Lord answering your prayers. Thanks!!!!
Some combo of Jim, Lisa, & James will update here these next few days, as I doubt I'll be able to. See you on the other side of IL-2-land!
Much love and great hope,
Mike
A friend sent this 1st verse as a text last night. Another friend regularly quotes this and preceding verses as his favorites.
As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so I will seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness.
Ezekiel 34:12
Another version says "As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock, so will I look after my sheep."
The Great Shepherd is present and is on His throne. Lisa & I have great confidence in His "looking after" us.
"In You, O Lord, do I take refuge...in your righteousness, deliver me!" Psalm 31:1
"I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure." Psalm 16:8-9
"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in Whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:1-2
"O Lord my God, in You do I take refuge; save me from all my pursuers and deliver me, lest like a lion they tear my soul apart, rending it in pieces, with none to deliver." Psalm 7:1
"When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed?'" John 5:6
Thanks so much for your intercession this week. Please remember Lisa & Jim, who are here, and also James & Anne & my Mom, who have to walk this road with me from a distance.
I feel peace this morning, which I attribute to my Lord answering your prayers. Thanks!!!!
Some combo of Jim, Lisa, & James will update here these next few days, as I doubt I'll be able to. See you on the other side of IL-2-land!
Much love and great hope,
Mike
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Time!
You know how time seems to move at varying speeds? At times...when on vacation for example, time seems to move very fast. At other times...when waiting for vacation time to get here, for example, time moves v-e-r-y s-l-o-w.
Well, this past week has seen both for me. The week since getting back from Houston has been s--l--o--w. And yet, in just 36 hours, I'll be in ICU @ MDA, with IL-2 attacking my cancer (and other things too...*sigh*)
My brother Jim, Lisa, & I roll out for Houston this afternoon after church.
Monday's fun starts @ 9:45 a.m. I think that's bloodwork, followed by a chat w/ Dr. Homsi, followed by checking in to the ICU ("Hotel IL-2")
The plan is 14 high doses of IL-2, one every 8 hours. That works out to about 5 days worth of ICU/IL-2 time. Then, a couple of days in the hospital to recover, and then home.
So, the hope is, that I'm back in H'burg in 8-9 days from today. The further hope is that those 8-9 days pass very quickly! Especially the 5 days beginning Monday afternoon...*sigh*
A friend asked how to pray this week. Pray as the Spirit leads, but here are some suggestions from my perspective:
--endurance (for all 3 of us!)
--for me to be able to take all 14 doses as scheduled (there's no guarantee due to the intensity of side effects...yeah...)
--lack of fear (again, for all 3 of us, but especially for me)
--safe travel for us three (Lisa & Jim will have some Houston traffic fun this week; I'll be, um, otherwise detained...)
--for Jim & Lisa to be able to rest & sleep (me too, but don't forget them)
--for James & Anne's respective weeks to go well...and "glitch-free"
--for wisdom for all Drs., nurses, & other health care professionals involved in my care this week
--**for the Great Physician to use the IL-2 treatments as part of the healing process for this melanoma!!**
It's my overriding prayer that 6 weeks from now, my next CT scans show that there's no melanoma to be found. Next week is the next step in that process.
Thank you so much for holding us up during this time. Your prayers are treasured and are absolutely crucial to the process. As you pray, please pray that God would glorify Himself through this entire situation, whatever remaining bends the road has in it.
With much love and great hope, because of my great Lord and because of your faithful prayers,
Mike
p.s. - a couple of huge blessings yesterday & today:
--visit from my friends Philip & Lori Thurman from Madison, MS. I served in Philip's college ministry @ Temple Baptist 6-7 years ago. Now Philip is pastor of Lifebridge Church near Gluckstadt, north of Jackson, a church that started in their living room! Philip & Lori drove over from Columbia where they were visiting Philip's folks. What a great surprise & blessing to see these whose life & ministry have had such an impact on my faith!
--visit w/ Stephanie Weathers & Clay & Kristen Meyer & Tim & Margaret Carley & Gary & Nancy Shows (Steph's parents) this morning. Stephanie & Kristen were in my youth Sunday School class some years ago. Tim & Mary Margaret were in a small group Bible study we led a few years back, and are great friends. And Gary & Nancy are friends & mentors; Gary is executive pastor of TBC. As I mentioned Friday, laughing with friends is very much undervalued by me...Thanks to all for helping me laugh this morning! The only thing missing was Jason, who's still recovering from pneumonia. Maybe next time, bro.
Well, this past week has seen both for me. The week since getting back from Houston has been s--l--o--w. And yet, in just 36 hours, I'll be in ICU @ MDA, with IL-2 attacking my cancer (and other things too...*sigh*)
My brother Jim, Lisa, & I roll out for Houston this afternoon after church.
Monday's fun starts @ 9:45 a.m. I think that's bloodwork, followed by a chat w/ Dr. Homsi, followed by checking in to the ICU ("Hotel IL-2")
The plan is 14 high doses of IL-2, one every 8 hours. That works out to about 5 days worth of ICU/IL-2 time. Then, a couple of days in the hospital to recover, and then home.
So, the hope is, that I'm back in H'burg in 8-9 days from today. The further hope is that those 8-9 days pass very quickly! Especially the 5 days beginning Monday afternoon...*sigh*
A friend asked how to pray this week. Pray as the Spirit leads, but here are some suggestions from my perspective:
--endurance (for all 3 of us!)
--for me to be able to take all 14 doses as scheduled (there's no guarantee due to the intensity of side effects...yeah...)
--lack of fear (again, for all 3 of us, but especially for me)
--safe travel for us three (Lisa & Jim will have some Houston traffic fun this week; I'll be, um, otherwise detained...)
--for Jim & Lisa to be able to rest & sleep (me too, but don't forget them)
--for James & Anne's respective weeks to go well...and "glitch-free"
--for wisdom for all Drs., nurses, & other health care professionals involved in my care this week
--**for the Great Physician to use the IL-2 treatments as part of the healing process for this melanoma!!**
It's my overriding prayer that 6 weeks from now, my next CT scans show that there's no melanoma to be found. Next week is the next step in that process.
Thank you so much for holding us up during this time. Your prayers are treasured and are absolutely crucial to the process. As you pray, please pray that God would glorify Himself through this entire situation, whatever remaining bends the road has in it.
With much love and great hope, because of my great Lord and because of your faithful prayers,
Mike
p.s. - a couple of huge blessings yesterday & today:
--visit from my friends Philip & Lori Thurman from Madison, MS. I served in Philip's college ministry @ Temple Baptist 6-7 years ago. Now Philip is pastor of Lifebridge Church near Gluckstadt, north of Jackson, a church that started in their living room! Philip & Lori drove over from Columbia where they were visiting Philip's folks. What a great surprise & blessing to see these whose life & ministry have had such an impact on my faith!
--visit w/ Stephanie Weathers & Clay & Kristen Meyer & Tim & Margaret Carley & Gary & Nancy Shows (Steph's parents) this morning. Stephanie & Kristen were in my youth Sunday School class some years ago. Tim & Mary Margaret were in a small group Bible study we led a few years back, and are great friends. And Gary & Nancy are friends & mentors; Gary is executive pastor of TBC. As I mentioned Friday, laughing with friends is very much undervalued by me...Thanks to all for helping me laugh this morning! The only thing missing was Jason, who's still recovering from pneumonia. Maybe next time, bro.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Things under-appreciated
Sitting on the front porch this a.m. watching James' little puppy Beau eat breakfast...some thoughts came to mind. I was totally enjoying the morning, and found myself wondering why I underappreciate so many regular day-to-day things. Ego & a sense of entitlement, perhaps, that says I'm entitled to these things...or plain ol' busyness that prevents me from stopping to smell the proverbial roses...or misplaced focus, perhaps, that says that the outcome of a sporting event or the size of one's bank balance or the quantity of gray hairs one sees in the mirror or another "Everybody Loves Raymond" rerun are what really matters. In my case, it's surely a blend of all of these.
Here's a running start at things I under-appreciate:
--sitting on the porch in the early morning watching & listening to the day as it begins.
--cuddling a dog (ours or James' either one)
--lunch with my children (El Rancho yesterday...awesome time for me!)
--conversation with my wife
--music - whether a great funk-jazz groove, or a symphony that sounds like 500 instruments playing, or a soft, simple Miles Davis cool jazz tune, or a screaming rock guitar sound, or an acoustic songwriter type piece...
--singing - on the way back from Mobile, I discovered that if I turn up my system loud enough, I sound really great singing the duet "In All of His Glory" with Babbie Mason, and that I can nail the lead vocal on Whiteheart's "Once and For All" and "Morningstar", and that I sound just like Chris Tomlin on "Amazing Grace/My Chains Are Gone."
--laughing with friends - very important these days!
--teaching - I'm so thankful that God has called (& re-called) me to teach. There's nothing like seeing the light bulbs turn on in students' minds as they understand some difficult concept. And I very much love teaching Sunday School. Such joy from grappling with & teaching Scripture...
--the incredible paradigm shift dating back to Tyndale & others who paid with their lives such that I can now read Scripture in my own language.
--reading at all, for that matter...a quote: "The man who doesn't read books has no advantage over the man who can't read them..."
--crepe myrtles blooming - we have a couple, one purple-ish, & one red-ish; our neighbors/friends across the street have a few. All are gorgeous right now.
--green grass - recent rains have really "greened up" our lawns.
--the strength of pine trees - we have a big one just in front of our house, and I was pondering it this morning. (Of course, they're much better to ponder when they're upright, rather than when they're lying on the ground as after Katrina...)
--physicians & their amazing medical knowledge & the accompany medical technology
--freedom! - to enjoy all of the above at my leisure. To succeed...or fail...in the profession of my choosing. To be educated. To worship...or not...as I choose. (and so forth) Boy, do I...we...under-appreciate freedom!! Years ago, a friend from Iraq told me that our founding fathers were so far ahead of their times in the thinking embodied in our core documents. He said there's nobody in his country who has begun to think at that level, and that we Americans take it all for granted...(keep in mind, he said all of this before the first Gulf War)
--the sacrifices through the last couple hundred years of so many who served in the military order to secure and defend the freedoms I...we...take for granted.
--bends in the road that force me to stop & look up & re-focus
--grace!!
..that taught my heart to fear, and then relieved those fears (as John Newton said so wonderfully)
...that pardons & cleanses
...the common type such as the things listed above
...the particular, saving type that somehow allows God see me justified as if I had never sinned at all--a mindblowing concept there, for one whose sins are so many & manifest--and that secures an eternity that will be glorious beyond any feeble words I have
It's Independence Day. Do you appreciate it?
Selah.
Mike
Here's a running start at things I under-appreciate:
--sitting on the porch in the early morning watching & listening to the day as it begins.
--cuddling a dog (ours or James' either one)
--lunch with my children (El Rancho yesterday...awesome time for me!)
--conversation with my wife
--music - whether a great funk-jazz groove, or a symphony that sounds like 500 instruments playing, or a soft, simple Miles Davis cool jazz tune, or a screaming rock guitar sound, or an acoustic songwriter type piece...
--singing - on the way back from Mobile, I discovered that if I turn up my system loud enough, I sound really great singing the duet "In All of His Glory" with Babbie Mason, and that I can nail the lead vocal on Whiteheart's "Once and For All" and "Morningstar", and that I sound just like Chris Tomlin on "Amazing Grace/My Chains Are Gone."
--laughing with friends - very important these days!
--teaching - I'm so thankful that God has called (& re-called) me to teach. There's nothing like seeing the light bulbs turn on in students' minds as they understand some difficult concept. And I very much love teaching Sunday School. Such joy from grappling with & teaching Scripture...
--the incredible paradigm shift dating back to Tyndale & others who paid with their lives such that I can now read Scripture in my own language.
--reading at all, for that matter...a quote: "The man who doesn't read books has no advantage over the man who can't read them..."
--crepe myrtles blooming - we have a couple, one purple-ish, & one red-ish; our neighbors/friends across the street have a few. All are gorgeous right now.
--green grass - recent rains have really "greened up" our lawns.
--the strength of pine trees - we have a big one just in front of our house, and I was pondering it this morning. (Of course, they're much better to ponder when they're upright, rather than when they're lying on the ground as after Katrina...)
--physicians & their amazing medical knowledge & the accompany medical technology
--freedom! - to enjoy all of the above at my leisure. To succeed...or fail...in the profession of my choosing. To be educated. To worship...or not...as I choose. (and so forth) Boy, do I...we...under-appreciate freedom!! Years ago, a friend from Iraq told me that our founding fathers were so far ahead of their times in the thinking embodied in our core documents. He said there's nobody in his country who has begun to think at that level, and that we Americans take it all for granted...(keep in mind, he said all of this before the first Gulf War)
--the sacrifices through the last couple hundred years of so many who served in the military order to secure and defend the freedoms I...we...take for granted.
--bends in the road that force me to stop & look up & re-focus
--grace!!
..that taught my heart to fear, and then relieved those fears (as John Newton said so wonderfully)
...that pardons & cleanses
...the common type such as the things listed above
...the particular, saving type that somehow allows God see me justified as if I had never sinned at all--a mindblowing concept there, for one whose sins are so many & manifest--and that secures an eternity that will be glorious beyond any feeble words I have
It's Independence Day. Do you appreciate it?
Selah.
Mike
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Quick Update
Did well on the cardio function test today!
Today's was truly one of the more bizarre medical experiences yet. They got my heart up to its aerobic max and back again...all while I was lying on a table!! Better living through chemicals, I s'pose. They took ultrasound pix throughout. (I thought I saw a baby there once, but I'm pretty sure I was mistaken...)
I enjoy my regular times on the cross trainer. Really, I do. And today underscored the benefit of those times. But so help me, I laid there on the table doing nothing but having chemicals pumped in through an IV, and thought "This is mighty close to exercise without actually exercising." Seems there might be a rather large market for this. "Want to keep your heart in shape without any semblance of exercise? Here, lie on this table & relax while we work out your heart using only these chemicals. Staying awake is optional..." *huge grin*
Anyway, my cuz the cardiologist sez it went well. Thanks so much for your prayers!
Rejoicing,
Mike
p.s. - actually "rejoicing" is not quite the right word, for doing well here means heavy doses of IL-2 are in my near future. But, it is one big step closer to my goal of "Great news, Mr. Madaris! You're cancer free!" *sigh*
p.p.s. - I didn't actually yell "dobutamine" in the echo thing, because I can't spell nor pronounce it; instead, I yelled "Roll Tide!"
pp.p.s. - TBC folks, I'll see you at the FamilyLife center tomorrow morning. I'll be the handsome-if-sick-&-elderly gent on the cross trainer. (aside: I'm not sure which would be more motivating...doing well on a cardio test or doing poorly...in my case, doing well is highly motivating! 20-25 min a pop, 3-4 times a week = doing well on a chemically-assisted echo test)
Today's was truly one of the more bizarre medical experiences yet. They got my heart up to its aerobic max and back again...all while I was lying on a table!! Better living through chemicals, I s'pose. They took ultrasound pix throughout. (I thought I saw a baby there once, but I'm pretty sure I was mistaken...)
I enjoy my regular times on the cross trainer. Really, I do. And today underscored the benefit of those times. But so help me, I laid there on the table doing nothing but having chemicals pumped in through an IV, and thought "This is mighty close to exercise without actually exercising." Seems there might be a rather large market for this. "Want to keep your heart in shape without any semblance of exercise? Here, lie on this table & relax while we work out your heart using only these chemicals. Staying awake is optional..." *huge grin*
Anyway, my cuz the cardiologist sez it went well. Thanks so much for your prayers!
Rejoicing,
Mike
p.s. - actually "rejoicing" is not quite the right word, for doing well here means heavy doses of IL-2 are in my near future. But, it is one big step closer to my goal of "Great news, Mr. Madaris! You're cancer free!" *sigh*
p.p.s. - I didn't actually yell "dobutamine" in the echo thing, because I can't spell nor pronounce it; instead, I yelled "Roll Tide!"
pp.p.s. - TBC folks, I'll see you at the FamilyLife center tomorrow morning. I'll be the handsome-if-sick-&-elderly gent on the cross trainer. (aside: I'm not sure which would be more motivating...doing well on a cardio test or doing poorly...in my case, doing well is highly motivating! 20-25 min a pop, 3-4 times a week = doing well on a chemically-assisted echo test)
Heart of my heart...
*sings* "Heart, of my heart"...I love that melody...
"Heart of my heart"...brings back those memories
Remember when we were kids...on the corner of the square
We were rough and ready guys, but oh...how...we...could...harmoniiiiiiiiiize...
Toooo "Heart of my heart..." (etc.)
Sorry. As I ponder today's cardio function test, somehow I flashed back to days in the Lambda Chi Alpha house @ U. of FL singing that 1926 song w/ the bros. (that's right, sports fans...a bunch of frat boys could, in fact sing songs that our grandparents would enjoy...) *ends irrelevant reverie*
So here's today's plan:
--to WCU shortly for a bit of catchup work
--12:00-ish - head toward Mobile
--2:00 - check in & get hooked up to IV
--then a "stress echocardiogram with dobutamine"
(whatever that is...apparently it involves an IV & some drugs...with me yelling a cool word into a canyon of some sort to get an echo. "Dobutamine!...Dobutamine....Dobutamine..." Not sure what yelling into a canyon has to do w/ cardio function, but then there's much I don't know about medicine...*grin*)
Results will be faxed to MDA thereafter.
Your prayers are most appreciated for me to...pass
(or whatever the right medical word is).
Why Mobile, you ask? Simple. My cousin is a cardiologist there. Thus, I get the "family-member-with-serious-medical-situation" fast track" scheduling. *smile* One could surely get the same test locally, and have most competent cardiology care here, I'm sure. But there's something about knowing & being related to the guy who'll be examining my heart function...He's a few months younger than I, so beyond being related, we're also friends. Years of shared experiences. I like knowing my Drs. personally.
(My students who took my Econ test last night will no doubt get a chuckle out of me being concerned about passing a test...)
Lisa & James are on the road back home from Oxford this morning, & Anne seems to be somewhat on the mend. Perhaps we'll have a couple of days of something approximating normality...
Thanks for your prayers today, amigos!
With love and hope,
Mike
p.s. - I'm guessing that posting next week will be...sporadic, at best. *sigh* But my bro is more computer savvy than I, so maybe he'll update some since he'll be out there with Lisa bored stiff in the ICU waiting room...
p.p.s. - "I know a tear would glisten...if once more I could listen...to that gang that sang 'Heart of my Heart' *vocal harmony* 'Heart...of...my...Heart'"
(why yes! we did indeed harmonize on that part at the end...)
"Heart of my heart"...brings back those memories
Remember when we were kids...on the corner of the square
We were rough and ready guys, but oh...how...we...could...harmoniiiiiiiiiize...
Toooo "Heart of my heart..." (etc.)
Sorry. As I ponder today's cardio function test, somehow I flashed back to days in the Lambda Chi Alpha house @ U. of FL singing that 1926 song w/ the bros. (that's right, sports fans...a bunch of frat boys could, in fact sing songs that our grandparents would enjoy...) *ends irrelevant reverie*
So here's today's plan:
--to WCU shortly for a bit of catchup work
--12:00-ish - head toward Mobile
--2:00 - check in & get hooked up to IV
--then a "stress echocardiogram with dobutamine"
(whatever that is...apparently it involves an IV & some drugs...with me yelling a cool word into a canyon of some sort to get an echo. "Dobutamine!...Dobutamine....Dobutamine..." Not sure what yelling into a canyon has to do w/ cardio function, but then there's much I don't know about medicine...*grin*)
Results will be faxed to MDA thereafter.
Your prayers are most appreciated for me to...pass
(or whatever the right medical word is).
Why Mobile, you ask? Simple. My cousin is a cardiologist there. Thus, I get the "family-member-with-serious-medical-situation" fast track" scheduling. *smile* One could surely get the same test locally, and have most competent cardiology care here, I'm sure. But there's something about knowing & being related to the guy who'll be examining my heart function...He's a few months younger than I, so beyond being related, we're also friends. Years of shared experiences. I like knowing my Drs. personally.
(My students who took my Econ test last night will no doubt get a chuckle out of me being concerned about passing a test...)
Lisa & James are on the road back home from Oxford this morning, & Anne seems to be somewhat on the mend. Perhaps we'll have a couple of days of something approximating normality...
Thanks for your prayers today, amigos!
With love and hope,
Mike
p.s. - I'm guessing that posting next week will be...sporadic, at best. *sigh* But my bro is more computer savvy than I, so maybe he'll update some since he'll be out there with Lisa bored stiff in the ICU waiting room...
p.p.s. - "I know a tear would glisten...if once more I could listen...to that gang that sang 'Heart of my Heart' *vocal harmony* 'Heart...of...my...Heart'"
(why yes! we did indeed harmonize on that part at the end...)
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
In Today's News...
--Anne's a bit better; "better enough" for me to head on over to WCU earlier today to move the pile a bit. Still not "good" yet though.
--the cardio test is tomorrow in Mobile @ 2:30
**this cardio test is actually very important; I need to do well enough on it to be able to take the IL-2 treatments next week* (prayer point there) I'm not particularly stressed about the stress test (*rimshot*), but as I say, it is very important.
--Lisa & James & Beau the dog made it to Oxford to get utilities turned on & such in James' apt. for next academic year. They'll come back tomorrow morning.
--In a stunning upset, I was able to get a bit of work done today! *faint applause, as at a golf tourney* My wonderful boss said to me, "I imagine it's very difficult to think about work things in your situation." That is utterly correct!
--Speaking of work, William Carey U., the Dean of the Bus. School (my immediate boss), and my fellow teachers in the School of Business have messed up royally.
They have been so absolutely amazing to me & my fam during this bend in the road that I may never leave, nor allow any of them to do so. *grin* The evidence of their amazing-ness is shown in many, many ways, but let's just say THEY'RE AWESOME!! In the midst of a zillion distractions related to medical stuff, my colleagues & boss(es) have stepped up huge to remove doubts & concerns & fears I have about my job performance which has surely been...subpar, let's say...since January. (supply your own punchline about my job performance before January...) Many of you don't know my colleagues & boss(es); nonetheless, (next time you pray for me) would you please thank God on my behalf for them & ask Him to bless them in an extra special way? And to you, Cheryl, Eddie, Laurie, Sharon, Jimmy, Hubert, David, & Susan, THANKS!!! Truly, I thank God every time I remember you...I cannot imagine having to negotiate this bend without all of you ministering to us in so many ways.
Thanks to all for reading & for praying & for encouraging!
With Love & Hope,
Mike
p.s. - some lyrics I was reminded of this morning as I was working out. (Thank you, Apple, for inventing the IPOD!) Both of these songs are oldies, but goodies by one of the best writers of our time.
The Warrior Is A Child – Twila Paris
Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me; I'm hiding all the tears
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor,
The warrior is a child
Unafraid because his armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing; never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet
I drop my sword and look up for His smile
Because deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child
(Mike says: Twila was listening very well that day, when she captured how this journey feels for me. I love the line about dropping my sword & looking up for His smile)
Prince of peace, come and reign
Set Your feet on the mountaintop again
Take Your throne, rightful Lord
Prince of peace
Come and reign forevermore
(Mike says: Just a quick chorus from the song "Prince of Peace," but again, one that nails my prayers these days. Selah.)
--the cardio test is tomorrow in Mobile @ 2:30
**this cardio test is actually very important; I need to do well enough on it to be able to take the IL-2 treatments next week* (prayer point there) I'm not particularly stressed about the stress test (*rimshot*), but as I say, it is very important.
--Lisa & James & Beau the dog made it to Oxford to get utilities turned on & such in James' apt. for next academic year. They'll come back tomorrow morning.
--In a stunning upset, I was able to get a bit of work done today! *faint applause, as at a golf tourney* My wonderful boss said to me, "I imagine it's very difficult to think about work things in your situation." That is utterly correct!
--Speaking of work, William Carey U., the Dean of the Bus. School (my immediate boss), and my fellow teachers in the School of Business have messed up royally.
They have been so absolutely amazing to me & my fam during this bend in the road that I may never leave, nor allow any of them to do so. *grin* The evidence of their amazing-ness is shown in many, many ways, but let's just say THEY'RE AWESOME!! In the midst of a zillion distractions related to medical stuff, my colleagues & boss(es) have stepped up huge to remove doubts & concerns & fears I have about my job performance which has surely been...subpar, let's say...since January. (supply your own punchline about my job performance before January...) Many of you don't know my colleagues & boss(es); nonetheless, (next time you pray for me) would you please thank God on my behalf for them & ask Him to bless them in an extra special way? And to you, Cheryl, Eddie, Laurie, Sharon, Jimmy, Hubert, David, & Susan, THANKS!!! Truly, I thank God every time I remember you...I cannot imagine having to negotiate this bend without all of you ministering to us in so many ways.
Thanks to all for reading & for praying & for encouraging!
With Love & Hope,
Mike
p.s. - some lyrics I was reminded of this morning as I was working out. (Thank you, Apple, for inventing the IPOD!) Both of these songs are oldies, but goodies by one of the best writers of our time.
The Warrior Is A Child – Twila Paris
Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me; I'm hiding all the tears
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor,
The warrior is a child
Unafraid because his armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing; never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet
I drop my sword and look up for His smile
Because deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child
(Mike says: Twila was listening very well that day, when she captured how this journey feels for me. I love the line about dropping my sword & looking up for His smile)
Prince of peace, come and reign
Set Your feet on the mountaintop again
Take Your throne, rightful Lord
Prince of peace
Come and reign forevermore
(Mike says: Just a quick chorus from the song "Prince of Peace," but again, one that nails my prayers these days. Selah.)
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