20 years ago today...

...I became a father for the first time when James B. Madaris arrived in Terre Haute, IN. And I will never be the same again, praise God!

When he arrived, he was the length of my forearm. Now, he's a tad over 6'1". Then, he was totally helpless & dependent on his Mother and me. Now, he's a man of great strength, resourcefulness, intelligence, character, and vision. He's a much bigger, stronger, smarter, and better-looking version of me.

He starts pharmacy school this Fall, having been accepted as a freshman into the early-entry program at Ole Miss. (recessive science gene to go along with the recessive size & strength gene...) 50 started in his class; 30-something remain. James has a clear calling to serve as a pharmacist. He's long been wired as a servant. Even his football days were marked by servanthood. Left tackle...one of the most invisible positions on the field, until that guy messes up. Then, it's a very visible position. Tackles protect the quarterback on passing plays, and blow open holes for running backs on running plays. Good tackles get satisfaction out of watching others succeed and creating opportunities for them to do so. Servanthood.

John once wrote this: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John 4) I can't think of a greater joy myself. There's something right...dare I say, holy?...about watching one's son become a godly man. In my case, a better man than I. In fact, I find myself--the knucklehead--sandwiched between generations of male excellence; my father was and my son now is a man I'd like to be. But by the grace of God, I am what I am. I'm not called to be James E. Madaris (Dad), nor am I called to be James B. Madaris (son). I'm called to be the son of the one and the father of the other. Both incredible privileges...and awesome responsibilities. The jury is still out on how I'm doing at both. But I'm still working at it.

Join me in praying that I can fulfill both generations of responsibility, won't you? Not all societal problems are easily fixed; but many would evaporate if we Dads would step up and invest in the lives of our children. Siring a child is nothing special. It certainly doesn't make one a man (regardless of what our culture may say...both U.S. culture, and Lamar County culture celebrate the siring while ignoring the responsibility and difficulty of daddying...). Nor does it automatically endow clues. Being a Daddy, on the other hand, is one of life's great challenges, joys, and callings. Any biologically healthy male can sire a child; being an excellent Daddy, however,...well, only an ever-diminishing few can pull that off. My Dad did an amazing job. I'm still a work in process, counting on my son's innate giftedness and the grace of God to fill in the many gaps.

On the back of every business card he gave out for Madaris Printing & Office Supplies, Dad had this poem printed. An excellent and awesome display of his priorities. And a great word for a son he left behind at 15 and a grandson he never met but yet dreamed about. And I guarantee, one that he'd be proud of.

THE LITTLE CHAP WHO FOLLOWS ME
A careful man, I have to be;
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
For fear he'll go the self-same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes;
Whatever he sees me do, he tries.
Like me, he says he's going to be,
That little chap that follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me, he must not see;
The litte chap who follows me.

I must remember, as I go
Through summer's sun and winter's snow,
I'm building for the years to be,
The little chap that follows me.

Happy Birthday, James! You have so richly blessed this old man's fatherly heart in countless ways these past 20 years. Press on, my son. My buddy. Wish I were there today to help celebrate with you. Know that you're in my thoughts, dude. See you soon. Thanks for going to the beach with me last week; I had a blast hanging w/ you, as always!


I love you!
Dad

p.s. - I hope your Rebels go 11-1 this Fall! *huge grin*

===========================================
Now the medical stuff...
--long day yesterday; bloodwork, Dr. visit, PICC installation, followup xray, followup appt., much thumb-twiddling in between.
--admitted at 8:00 p.m. (yay!); got to room at 9:30
--not the most restful night's sleep ever...*smile*
--melanoma team rounds at 9:00 a.m.; dose 1 should be shortly thereafterre

long-range stuff:
--back out here Aug. 18 for re-staging
--3 possibilities there:
1) scans show cancer is gone - We're done!!
2) scans show cancer is responding/shrinking, but still present - this would entail another cycle of high-dose IL-2; 2 weeks of trtmt, 2 weeks apart (like this one)
3) scans show no response and/or tumor has grown and/or spread - total bummer! No more IL-2; other options would be discussed
Obviously, option #1 is the preferred one, and is the biggie prayer request!

Remarkably, an email was delivered yesterday while we were in Dr. Homsi's office! Not yet admitted to the hospital, and still they tracked us down. That particular email included an invitation...wait for it...to go sky-diving this Fall! I think sky-diving is one of those things I'd love to have done, without actually having to do it. Still, an awesome email from a good friend...and one to ponder...

OK, gotta go track down a Belgian waffle...*smile*

Showtime shortly. Prayers most welcome!

With love and hope,
Mike