So...on this date back during antiquity my brother was born. (Roosevelt admin I think...Teddy R, that is...*grin*)

Ok, everybody now:

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
You're older than your brother,
And I got all the looks too.

(Yeah, a couple of cheap shots...but like the man said in Top Gun, "The shot was there, so I took it...")

Seriously, though, If anyone deserves a happy birthday today, it's Jim. He's had a pretty challenging summer, between work things, medical things, and, well, my things. He gave up a couple of weeks of his summer to accompany me to Camp MDA, one of which was spent in IL-2-land. As you can tell from his stuff here, he's quite a guy. And a most excellent big brother too!

So, bro, here's wishing you a happy one, with many more to follow. U Da Man!

Love,
Mike

"Mission Accomplished"

Howdy, all. Jim here (Mike's brother). That will be immediately obvious if you're expecting Mike-quality prose; he has the only writing game in the Madaris family!

Lisa left a voicemail about 11 this morning, and asked me to update the blog. She said Mike is doing okay--okay being a relative term. He came through the surgery fine, and they were in a transition-type room when she called, probably in a regular hospital room by now. Mike is having more and different kinds of pain than last time, and a good bit of post-operative nausea.

The good news: Dr. Mehron, the lung surgeon, told Lisa "Mission Accomplished." So I am privileged to tell all of Mike's wonderful friends, family, and prayer warriors:

Mike Madaris is once again
cancer-free!!

Praise God!! God is so good; He is good even if His plans do not equate to our flawed human ones. But I'm praising Him right now and thanking Him for ridding Mike of cancer yesterday morning through his vessels at M.D. Anderson.

Please continue to pray for Mike's recovery, Lisa's strength (if you know her, you know that is a praise, not a plea), and their safe travels back to Hattiesburg early next week.

And for this blog to return to its previously established standards soon... :-)

Ok, that's it...

...it's time to wind up all this medical fun. (let the church say "amen!" *grin*)

Here's the latest reason why it's time to wind it all up. Today, for pre-surgery bloodwork, guess how many vials of blood were drawn from me. Go ahead; pick a number. Got your number? What'd you pick, 2? 3? 5?

Fourteen vials of blood!!! That's 1-4. Fill up 10 of those test tubes; then fill up 4 more! I asked the phelbo...phlebat...the lady drawing my blood if I'd still have any blood left when she got finished. I'm not sure she tracked with my sense of humor. Which was pretty warped before all of this summer's festivities. Now it's really disturbingly warped. (For the times that shows up here on the blog, well, I'm...you're welcome! *smile*)

Anyway, most of you will go to sleep tonight without having had one single test tube full of blood removed from you. I feel so sorry for you...I'd have been most willing to have let you fill up 4-5 of those 14 vials earlier today. Oh well, your loss.

We are go for check-in at 5:30 Friday morning. (sorry...just watched Apollo 13 for the 63rd time & lapsed into the movie version of aerospace engineer-speak; hey, we do drive right past NASA - Houston on the road to this place!)

Surgery will follow right about whenever they get a round tuit. (Actually, surgery is scheduled for around 7:30 a.m.)

Last time, I was awake in recovery by about 10:30 a.m. And that surgery removed multiple spots. This one only needs to remove one.

Lisa and I are very pleased to be at this point. Metastatic melanoma is...*searches for appropriate word for a family-oriented blog*...very nasty. The odds of Jim & I getting really bad news last week were quite high, actually. The odds of going from "melanoma is back" in May to (the whispered dream phrase...shh! Not yet!...) in August approach zero. Those tendencies are well-documented. But my God created mathematical properties such as the Law of Large Numbers and statistical measures of central tendency & dispersion; He is most definitely not bound by them! (Aside: why does this seem to be so hard for some people to understand? *mini-rant ends*)

I will always be convinced that we are at this point because He has chosen to answer the prayers offered on our behalf by so very many people. He did not have to get us to this place, and He would not have been any less glorious had He chosen not to do so. But we're sure glad He has us here!!

The hardest part of tomorrow will be the waiting. (Not by me...I'll be in anesthesia-land, without a care in the world.) Lisa will sit there in the surgical waiting room. And wait...and then...wait...some...more. And watch the second hand on the clock move o h - s o o - s l o w l y while waiting for her name to be called with an update. James & Anne will be sneaking peeks at the clocks on the walls @ PCS and in the Pharmacy School @ UM. Jim will be doing his project management thing, but will mostly be sending & receiving texts & emails to his friends who are bombarding heaven on our behalf. (Thanks, my central AL friends! Lift a couple for Jim & Sandi too, won't you?) Mom will try to do other things besides stare at the phone. To very little avail.

So, once again, please pray for Lisa especially, and also for the rest of my family who are hanging in there on this journey. In terms of family, I am most highly blessed.

THANKS FOR ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS, CARDS, CALLS, TEXTS, COMMENTS, LETTERS, HUGS, AND ACTS OF SERVICE! Ray Boltz sang it years ago: "Thank you, for giving to the Lord! I am a life that was changed..."

We love y'all! Since we'll be rolling out about 4:45 a.m., I doubt I'll blog in the morning. Perhaps Lisa will update later tomorrow once we get to a room.

With hope,
Mike

p.s. - there are suggestions that a celebration party might need to be in order after all of this. As Spock would say, "fascinating!"...

p.p.s. - Words to "Thank You" by Ray Boltz, 1994. The song always makes me cry. (as it's doing now...*blush*) Picture me singing this--with a better voice that my own--and you are the "you" referred to. That gets toward capturing my full heart this evening. And thanks!

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name
You turned and saw this young man
And he was smiling as he came
And he said, Friend, You may not know me now
And then he said, But wait
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start
And one day when you said that prayer
I asked Jesus in my heart

CHORUS: Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave

Then another man stood before you
And said remember the time
A missionary came to your church
His pictures made you cry
You didn't have much money
But you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I am here today

(Repeat Chorus)

One by one they came
Far as the eye could see
Each life somehow touched (Mike says, "my life somehow touched...")
By your generosity
Little things that you had done
Sacrifices made
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven now proclaimed

And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord
He said, My child look around you
Great is your reward

(Repeat Chorus)
I am so glad you gave
©1988 Gaither Music/ASCAP. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

High Anxiety

As we head west this afternoon for what we hope will be the last part of the bend before the road straightens out, I thought I'd let my humanity show by sharing some parts of this that...well...challenge the efficacy of my blood pressure medicine. (let's just say)

--some glitch causing me to not be able to have the surgery after all

--something going wrong during the surgery that keeps us out there longer

(Neither of those are particularly pressing fears, in case you're wondering. This next one however,...)

--recovery from general anesthesia
I'm a cheap anesthesia patient. They say "count to ten" and I make it to "w..." and then the next thing I know they're waking me up. That's the good news. The bad news is, that it seems to take a while for all of my systems to switch back on after anesthesia. There were some minor issues with this last time; specific prayers are welcome related to all of these, but to this one in particular.

--my family--immediate and extended
They're scattered. And very tired from all of this wear & tear on the emotions. (especially Lisa...in her case particularly add "wear & tear from heading back & forth to Houston a bunch of times this summer"...). I've said before, I'd much rather be the patient than the spouse or child or parent or brother of the patient.

Lisa will be at MDA with me, but will still be out in the waiting room and in the recovery waiting room. Just waiting...which is surely the most wearying part of a hospital experience.

James is eyeball-deep in intense pharmacy things that I can't spell nor pronounce in his classes. 4 1/2 hours away from H'burg, and (obviously) farther yet away from us.

Anne is eyeball-deep in (a) her senior year of HS, and (b) a new job. She'll be here in the 'Burg.

Mom keeps a schedule that would wear out many a younger person back home in FL. (I'm quite sure I couldn't keep up!)

Jim & his family have much going on in central AL.

So, your prayers for all of them are vital to this process and are greatly needed and appreciated!

--time & effort to restore "regular" cardiovascular health
Mine was pretty decent at the beginning of the summer. (well, other than having cancer in my lungs...*smile*) Then came surgery + IL-2-land. I've been working on it since getting back, but let's just say I'm a "fur piece" from where I was & from where I need to be.

--getting ahead of the curve at work
My boss & colleagues are just amazing through all of this. Even yesterday, I received multiple offers to help out while I'm gone. With that said, I'm more or less keeping my head above water, but much that needs to happen professionally has fallen by the wayside this calendar year. It'd be great to be back in the groove of where I need to be with my classes & some research things & my committee work & a professional certification I'd like to complete. I really hope to (soon!)be a contributor to WCU and its School of Business, rather than a constant taker like I've been for 8 months now.

--home projects
I have yard things and house things that I was behind on in May. These 8 trips to Houston & the various types of...fun...they entailed have not helped me catch up. *sigh* Fortunately, I married waaaaaaaaay out of my league, so she's quite patient. Also, I have almost no game in the home repair area, & thus am unable to do much of that stuff even when healthy. So I've got that going for me...*grin*

The bottom line on several of these concerns is, Lisa & I are just ready to be leading exhiliratingly routine lives again. Catching up on our stuff, and contributing to the lives of others rather than just being Dead Sea-like takers with very little output.

One more fear, at the risk of going all theological on you. I have a very real fear of forgetting the many lessons my Lord has taught me this year once we pass (hopefully!) beyond the land of shadows & fears and move (next week, maybe!) back into the land of sunlight and smooth roads. Lisa & I do not want to lose the keen awareness of God's presence in & around us that has been manifest this year. A dear friend & soul brother told me during his own battle with a serious medical condition, "Mike, I don't ever want to go back to how I was before all this. I don't want to be the same again." Exactly! Me neither!

Moses said to the Lord..."Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight"...And He said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” And he said to Him, “If Your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here...
(Exodus 33, beginning in v. 12, excerpted here)

Verse 15 (boldface above) is easy to say. I even memorized it a few years ago because I thought it was cool. "Cool" doesn't come close! Awesome does...at least what "awesome" meant before we applied it to pizza and burgers and coffee. To be struck with awe. Yeah, that's pretty close.

The Schedule:

--made it here last night just before midnight (waiting on car repair things)

--Thursday morning - appt w/ anesthesiologist + bloodwork (easy day)

--Friday - surgery (time TBA, but either early in the morning or less early in the morning; will find out Thursday afternoon)

--Saturday - watch college football all day long on TV (is this a great country, or what? *smile*)through the fog of amnesia; hope that my Crimson Tide play the game of their lives and upset Clemson Saturday night

--Sunday - hopefully, get released from hospital; this is what happened last time

--Monday - hopefully, head back home (if not on Sunday...see "hurricane Gustav"...)

--Tuesday - lie around the house praying for body systems to turn back on

--Wednesday - hopefully, resume teaching

(There does seem to be this hurricane percolating down south...the eye is currently predicted to pass through my back yard...Monday morning. But other than that, the weather's great & expected to stay so...*sigh*)

THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE, EMAILS, COMMENTS HERE, PRAYERS, AND ACTS OF SERVICE TO US!! We're so very humbled and so deeply moved by all of the fingerprints of God on all of you. I hope we never get over it.

With strong love, tremendous appreciation, and greatly renewed hope,
Mike

Inked Up & Ready

So, I'm all inked up for Friday's surgery. Same as last time, but on the other side. The right side of my chest has a really cool temporary tattoo that looks like this:

RYM

Just a reminder of the interpretation. "Y" stands for "yes, operate on this side." (As Dave Barry says, I am not making this up!) "RM" is Dr. Mehran's initials. So, Friday a.m., anyone @ MDA seeing the right side of my chest will know 2 things: this is the side where the operation happens...because Dr. Mehran said so.

Taught my first class of the academic year today. Another first class meets tomorrow. And let me tell you...it is great to be back! (even if I am going to be gone again late this week & early next week...*sigh*)

Thanks so much for your continued prayers, acts of service, emails, blog comments, facebook comments, cards, letters, hugs, etc. Please keep 'em coming a bit longer...I am completely persuaded that one of the reasons we received such optimistic news is that God has chosen to answer the prayers of so many of you. Know that we are forever grateful to Him...to you...and to Him for you.

With great thanksgiving, unfathomable love, and renewed hope,
Mike

p.s. - Our travel schedule:
--Wednesday - Lisa & I will head out after my class.
--Thursday - bloodwork (yippee!) and prelim appt. w/ the anesthesiologist.
--Friday at zero-dark-thirty - surgery prep; I think actual surgery is at 7:30.

As Aerosmith sang years ago...

..."I'm baaaaaaack...I'm back in the saddle again..."

Yesterday, I worked a full day for the first time in weeks. Dropped Lisa off at her work at 8:00 & went on to WCU. (well, after a brief detour by Chik-Fil-A...and then another detour through Seattle Drip...both required by my medical condition--oh, not the cancer; it's just that I've battled addiction to biscuits and to coffee for years now...well, "battled" is probably not correct here...maybe "enjoyed" is a better word...). And I felt pretty good all day at work, and had a fairly productive day. I did get the yawns around 5:30 p.m., but then I got them last year at that time when my health was still "normal." *smile*

It was great to be back @ WCU preparing for classes!! And being back around my excellent coworkers again. Very therapeutic! Even though I'm heinously far behind in preparing for classes which begin Monday (yikes!), I thoroughly enjoyed the day. And in the middle of the day, I had to go eat Thai food at Suwanna's with a great friend. The time with him and the food were both excellent additions to an outstanding...and normal!...day.

Speaking of outstanding, tomorrow will be the first Sunday in a year and a half in which my church will have a pastor who is not an interim. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us under Tony Merida's teaching & leadership! It's my strong hope and prayer that God continues to magnify Himself in and through Temple Baptist, as He has done since long before we joined 19 years ago.

The final piece of this update is that I discovered this morning that I'm recovered enough to change a tire. *sigh* But that, too, was oddly satisfying and reaffirming. Who'd have thunk that changing a tire could make one happy? I guess that's yet another reminder of the depths of "bummer!" that is cancer/IL-2/lung surgery.

Looking forward to tomorrow. And to the beginning of classes. Somewhat less so to our 8th trip to Houston/MDA Wednesday afternoon though. On the huge plus side, this one should cut down on the need for future treatment-related trips. w00t!!

Thanks for your continued prayers through this medical journey!

IT'S ON!!

Here's some snippets from the conversation in Dr. Mehran's office this morning between the good Dr. & me:

Dr. Mehran: "So...Mr. Madaris...you've come back to see about getting the remaining spot removed from your right lung."

Me: "Yes sir. I had so much fun last time, I thought we'd do it again..."

Him: "Well, we can certainly do this. And I can use the camera again." (this means "VATS" like last time)

Him again: "OK...let me go look at my calendar and get you on it."

So, ladies & gents, it's on!

Thursday, 8/28 - meet w/ anesthesiologist; have blood drawn
Friday, 8/29 7:30 a.m. - surgery to remove my last dadburn melanoma tumor!!
(We'll have to be there by something like 5:00 a.m. for the pre-surgery prep.)

Last time I had VATS on a Friday, I was out of the hospital on Sunday, and home on Monday. It took another day or two to be fully functional though. *supply your own punchline as to whether I've ever been "fully functional"*

The surgery itself does not require a long recovery. Last time, the hardest part by far was recovering from general anesthesia.

So, Lord willing, in just 8 days, I'll be able to say out loud the wonderful, magic phrase that's only a whisper of hope so far.

Please continue to pray for us through the rest of this bend in the road. Thanks so much for continuing to hold us up before the throne. Lord willing, we may be near the part where the road straightens out for a while and is no longer bent & bumpy. Hopefully, you'll soon be able to re-allocate your "pray for Mike's health" time to other prayer needs; but please hang in there with us for a bit longer.

With much love, gratitude, and hope,
Mike

p.s. - I'm so excited about this upcoming surgery that I can hardly stand it! Oh, to be "normal" again...(whatever "normal" is...)

p.p.s. - In all of my spare time from my MDA fun, I do actually have classes to teach beginning this coming Monday. Can't wait! (even though I'll have to miss a few days due to VATS round 2)

p.p.p.s. - Jim & I had a great time this week. We (mostly) behaved well, though we did severely overeat once or twice. We're so ashamed...

"'Relax...relax...relax...we need some information...first...

...just the basic facts...can you show me where it hurts?'...'There is no pain, you are receding...a distant ship's smoke on the horizon...you are only coming through in waves...your lips move, but I can't hear what you're sayin...'"

(etc., followed by smoking-hot guitar solo)

This musical introduction brought to you courtesy of Pink Floyd's outstanding song "Comfortably Numb." One of my favorite all-time rock songs, and the first medical-related song lyric I came up at 5:30 a.m....

The details for today:
7:30 a.m. today (Thursday)
Dr. Mehran (click for more info on him)
Purpose of visit: will he operate again to remove the one remaining melanoma spot on my rt. lung?

I'll update, but probably not until after we get home to the Burg later today. Jim's journey today will be longer than mine by about 4 hours. He's dropping me off @ the house & then continuing on to his place in the surburbs of Slapout, AL. (slogan: "Slapout, AL...where you ought to be" I have a great t-shirt w/ that on it)

So please pray for...
--Dr. M to say yes!
--safe travel for us to H'burg
--safe travel for Jim from H'burg to his home
(about a half hour north of Montgomery, just on the off-chance you happen not to know where in the round world Slapout is...)

Thanks so very much!!

With love, gratitude, and hope,
Mike

UPDATE/GOOD NEWS/PRAYER REQUEST...

...all in one.

So, here's the news from MDA, my home away from home, out here on the edge of the prairie (thank you, Garrison Keillor)

It's good news, though not directly in my 3 categories. And we're not finished here @ MDA.

--There is still one spot on my rt. lung
It shows up on the CT scans and also lights up on the P.E.T. scan (which means it is cancer). **We already knew this spot was there; this is not a new thing.** The good news is, this spot is unchanged in the last 2 months since my last CT & P.E.T. scan. The other good news is, there is no sign of any other cancer-looking spots anywhere in my body. (And trust me here...I had a fairly exhaustive set of scans yesterday...)

--Dr. Homsi has referred me back to Dr. Mehran the thoracic surgeon
Dr. H. wants to see if Dr. M. will operate on me again and remove the one spot. Dr. Homsi thinks I'm a good candidate, and the spot is in a good location. But that decision will be the surgeon's. (reminder: Dr. Mehran did the VATS surgery on my left lung early in the summer; we like him too!)

--Appt. w/ Dr. Mehran This Thursday, 8/21, at 7:30 a.m.
Yeah. We thought we were heading back to the 'Burg this afternoon. But I'm coming to you live from Friendswood, TX. Dr. M.'s nurse practitioner added us to his schedule Thursday morning, which is the next time he's in the clinic. He will make his decision on whether to operate at/after that appt.

--Life after surgery (assuming he operates)
The first, and coolest, part of life after surgery would be that I would get to use a phrase to describe myself that I have not been able to use decisively in 2008. (I'll not use it here in full-size print...*whispers* cancer-free...I'm saving it up for the blog post after surgery...)
The next part of life after surgery is that I'll be part of a research study here (study #2 by my reckoning). They'll take the tumor from my lung, and then will grow the lymphocytes ("t-cells") in the lab. Should melanoma ever come back with me, they'd then give those t-cells back to me along w/ IL-2.
Notice what is NOT part of life after surgery (at least not now): chemotherapy! w00t!

So, there it is, ladies & gents. On balance, we're all pretty excited. The odds of getting really bad news when melanoma comes back (as it has with me) are very high. Melanoma is a nasty, insidious disease in that regard. Thus, in my opinion, getting fairly decent news is a direct answer to our collective prayers.

What to Pray Now: For Dr. Mehran to agree to do the surgery!
(again, the appt. is Thursday, 8/21, at 7:30 a.m.)

Thanks so very much for your prayers for us. One reason I've asked for healing is so that I can join y'all in interceding for the needs of others. I've been so very humbled by your prayers, text messages, emails, blog comments, hugs, acts of service to us Madarians,...I'm anxious to join you in the gap of intercessory prayer.

I'll leave you with a few verses of this hymn I listened to first thing this morning. (Thank you, Selah!). I've highlighted a few lines that really grabbed my heart today. Tears flowed all over my donut...oh well!

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

("Be Still, My Soul" by Katharina von Schlegel, 1752)

With much love, gratitude, and hope,
Mike

p.s. - didn't the dinosaurs disappear in the thoracic age? *smile*

Lipstick on a Pig

You can put all the lipstick you have on a pig, and it's still just a pig with lipstick. (great mental image to start the day, huh? *smile*)

Well, today's appointment is sort of like that. There's just not much of a way to dress it up. After all musings & ponderings about it, it's still a Dr. visit that is very intense. So, I'll not try to make it something it's not. Just the facts, ma'am...

1:30 - appt. with Dr. Homsi

That's it. No tests, nothing else. Just the big appointment.

There are three possible results of yesterday's tests, by way of reminder:

1. The high-dose IL-2 immunotherapy has worked to completion
Scans show no trace of cancer anywhere in my body.

2. The immunotherapy is working
Scans show that the tumors are still there, but are shrinking. This would likely mean another 2-round cycle of IL-2.

3. The immunotherapy is not working
Scans show the melanoma has either grown or spread. This would mean time for plan B. Or C. Or D. It would mean no more IL-2; instead, it would mean chemo or some other protocol.

Obviously #1 is the preferred choice (thank you, Captain Obvious...). #2 would be good too.

Just happened to read Psalm 139 this morning...(OK, I didn't "just happen to read it"...). A few thoughts from David there seem relevant to today.

(Psalm 139 starts)
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up;you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue,behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before,and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me,and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.
(1-18)

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me,and lead me in the way everlasting! (23-24)
(Psalm 139 ends)

A few takeaway points for me. For us.
--God knows!
--He cares!
--He is ever-present! (One of my favorite names of His is Jehovah Shammah - The Lord Who is Present)
--Even the darkness of, say, an intense appt. @ MDA is not dark to Him!
--I am fearfully and wonderfully made...even with scars on & (perhaps still) cancer floating in my body. All 5'9" of me. Short, slow, and carrying the mass of a guy who's 6'2". Still, fearfully & wonderfully made.
--His works are wonderful! Sometimes this is patently obvious; other times it seems a tad veiled. Either way, though, His works are wonderful.
--He knows all of our days before we're even born. Let that bit of info sink in...

So, pray today that I can remember what I know to be true as we face huge uncertainty with this appointment. Pray that I will subject my human anxiety to the scrutiny and truth of the Word. My God will not be surprised by whatever Dr. Homsi says today. I rest in that, albeit uneasily at times when I allow my human anxiety to overpower the truth.

THANK YOU for praying for us through this journey. Especially today's part.

With love, awe, thanksgiving, and hope,
Mike

p.s. - I'll update asap, but that may be later tonight when we get back to H'burg.

Schedule of today's festivities...

7:30 a.m. - fast begins
(I got to McDonald's just under the wire to have my MDA-sanctioned breakfast of eggs, sausage, and black coffee...I know you're relieved...)

12:12 p.m. - blood/specimen collection
(I'm slightly nervous about the "/specimen" part of this one...)

1:00 - P.E.T. prep
(not sure what my dog & cats have to do with this, but whatever MDA says...*grin*)

1:30 - P.E.T./C.T Injection & Localization
(I think pain is involved in this one...)

3:00 - P.E.T. Melanoma Re-stage
(I believe this is the actual P.E.T. scan...)

5:30 - C.T. Prep

7:00 - C.T. scan of chest, abdomen, & pelvis
(contrast solution...yum, yum!...or not)

8:00 - Chest XRay

9:00 - End fast with a vengeance by pounding down vast, vast quantities of excellent Tex-Mex food at Gringo's
(OK...this one's not on my official MDA schedule...*smile*)

Notice what's NOT on that list:
--lunch - *sigh*...Jim will have to do that all by himself since it will be too painful...& tempting!...to watch
--coffee - not allowed, beyond the really bad cup of black McD's coffee this morning; I'm planning on drinking a couple of pots worth tomorrow...

So, there you have it, sports fans. Just another fun-filled day here @ MDA-land. Some go to 6 Flags over TX, some go to the state fair, some go to baseball & football & basketball games...but we few & fortunate ones get to roam around MDA-land and ride the various, um, "rides" here. I know you're jealous...

Please pray. Obviously, I want good results from all these tests, but more important is accurate results.

Thanks so much for mentioning us before the throne of grace!

With love, appreciation, and hope, I am
In His Grip,
Mike

"And behold, some people brought to him a paralytic, lying on a bed. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.”...But Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, “Why do you think evil in your hearts? For which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he then said to the paralytic—“Rise, pick up your bed and go home.” And he rose and went home. When the crowds saw it, they were afraid, and they glorified God, who had given such authority to men."
Matthew 9:2, 4-8

(Mike says) I love the part where you're mentioned here: "seeing their faith...He then said to the paralytic "Rise, pick up your bed, and go home"...THANKS so very much for exercising your faith on my behalf!!

Fair? You want fair??

We spend much time in our society...and in our churches...griping about fairness. I totally agree: here's a partial list of things in my life that are not at all fair...

...for me to have had the great parents I have...

...and to have grown up on/near the world's prettiest beaches...

...and to have a good education in a good school system...

...and to have a great brother who is my best friend outside of Lisa...

...and to have such an amazing, patient wife...

...and the finest young man & young lady I know as my own children...

...and to have degrees from the U. of Alabama...

...and to get to teach for a living...

...at such a great place with great colleages and an outstanding boss...

...and to be part of Temple Baptist Church for these past 19 years...

...and to have such great friends...

...and to have been to Russia and Poland multiple times on mission trips...

...and to have some of the greatest aunts, uncles, & cousins in the world...

...and to know that I'll be fed multiple times today...

...and be in an air-conditioned house...

...located in a marvelous country...

...that will seamlessly transition to a new political leader next January without violence or gunfire or military intervention.

Yeah...none of those things are fair for me to have. And yet, there it is, just a short list representing so many other things for which I'm thankful. Fair?? Nah...I prefer "grace"!

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?" Job 38:5-6

Good question there. I sure wasn't around when the foundation of the earth was laid...All I know is that "now we see through a glass darkly..." Not everything is plain nor does it all "compute" to my finite mind. But "then, (I shall see) face to face...now I know in part...then I shall know even as I am also known..." (Paul, 1 Cor. 13)

I'll take that. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief...

Medical stuff
My brother, Jim, & I head out to Houston this afternoon. Monday is the day of fun-filled tests & scans & such. Then, Tuesday is the huge appointment with Dr. Homsi. This is the appointment when we find out if the immunotherapy is working. (or better, has worked...) The appt. is at 1:30. Assuming we get out in a fairly timely manner, we'll head back here that afternoon, arriving on into the evening.

Please pray for safe travels, for accurate test & scan results, and for great test & scan results. And pray for Jim & me to magnify our Lord through all of that. And of course, please remember to pray for Lisa, who's staying here to work and rest, and James, who starts his pharmacy classes Monday morning, and for Anne, who's underway with her senior year of high school.

Thanks so much for your prayers & love! God is good!

With love, appreciation, and hope,
Mike

Raising the Bar

As one who has spent a fair amount of his adult life (supply your own punch line here) in education, trying to figure out how to motivate students, Thursday night's White Coat ceremony offers some answers.

First a description, & then a couple of brief reflections.

The Ford Center on the campus of the University of Mississippi. A very impressive facility! (If you're a presidential debate watcher, you'll see the Ford Center when it hosts a debate.) Very few empty seats, and we were dressed up. Coat, tie, the works. (yeah...waaaay out of character for me, but I do it sometimes...)

A number of upper classmen attended, wearing their white coats. The faculty of the School of Pharmacy filed in, all wearing their (longer) white coats. And then the students who will begin their pharmacy courses next week. (one of whom looks like a bigger, stronger, smarter, better-looking version of me...).

The Dean of the School of Pharmacy spoke, as did the Dean of Students for the entire University. Both did a great job of (a) welcoming the students into the pharmacy community, and (b) challenging them greatly. At the risk of bragging on my baby boy, a quick word on what it took to be sitting there as an entering student. 30-something of the 100 were "early entry." This means they applied in high school, went through an interview and a competitive impromptu essay ("Here's your topic; you have an hour. Grammar & spelling count. Good luck!"). 50 were selected. They had to keep a 3.5 gpa their freshman year, and a 3.25 cumulative by the end of their sophomore year. (If you add the first 2 semesters' gpa of my freshman year, you don't get to 3.5...sigh). And of course, they had to make a particular score on the PCAT (aptitude test). 15ish of James' early entry class either didn't make it or opted out for whatever reason. The rest of the entering class is "regular entry" which means they went through a similarly competitive application process. (Everyone in the class is referred to as "P3's" connoting that this is their 1st year of actual pharmacy courses; next year is P4, then P5, etc.) A number of them already have a degree. Some have work experience too. So, the group is already an impressive, motivated group. Personally, I'm just glad they let me sit in the back of the auditorium!

After opening remarks, the group read the UM creed, and then read the pharmacy school creed out loud. Then, one at a time, they came up on stage and signed 2 large copies of the Pharmacy creed. 1 of these will be displayed in the School of Pharmacy in Oxford, and the other will be displayed in the clinical facility in Jackson. Then, the Dean herself put their (personalized!) white coats on them, they were given a copy of a book on the history of pharmacy education @ Ole Miss (James' class is the 100th class, which is pretty cool), and they were given a copy of the creed. BTW, their names were read out by Associate Dean Dr. Marvin Wilson, who--literally--has changed the pharmacy profession in the state of Mississippi and beyond. As the Dean said, "Dr. Wilson needs no introduction," at which point a fairly sizeable ovation came forth, led by the students. MS'ians, next time you're speaking w/ your pharmacist, find out if s/he went to Ole Miss' Pharmacy School. If so, and if s/he's under about 50, s/he'll definitely remember Dr. Wilson!

The whole ceremony had a very formal feel to it. A seriousness & gravity about it. Much was said about the sacred trust that exists between a pharmacist and his patients. About the vital need for integrity and ethical behavior. I kept picturing my most excellent pharmacist out at M.D. Anderson and was totally agreeing with what was said. Basically, all of us walked out of there with an overwhelming sense that this was the beginning point of something far bigger than a degree program at a particular university.

Which leads to my personal reflections...

Dr. Reardon, the Dean of Students, remarked that he had wondered what the School of Pharmacy had that none of the other schools on campus had, other than a reputation for being among the very best Pharmacy programs in the country. (note: there are some other outstanding programs on campus there...for example, their Croft Institute for International Studies is world class...) His conclusion was that the School of Pharmacy has ritual and ceremony. After last night, I agree.

I totally dig the academic rituals and ceremonies. I'm goober enough that I enjoy getting on the robes and being part of graduation ceremonies. But graduations are (obviously!) at the end of a program of study. Thursday night's ceremony was equally serious, but was signifying the beginning of a program. The entering students there have taken zero pharmacy courses. And yet, the vision was cast, the warm welcome was put forth, and the challenge was issued. Shoot, I was challenged and motivated, and I can't even spell pharmacy or organic chemistry or biochemistry of any of the scary pharmawhatever course names.

I lay there in bed Friday night and thought that I'd give a lot if I could bottle up that motivation and sprinkle a bit of it on my students. Or on myself now & then. Based on history, there will be a few there last night who will not receive their Pharm.D. in 4 years. Some will choose a different life path; others will have a different path thrust upon them by grades in the Pharm.D. program. But those who do receive their Pharm.D. in 4 years will remember the challenges and encouragement they received last night. And they will go out and make a gigantic difference in the lives of people. People like me, who are totally dependent on what is taught in Schools of Pharmacy and learned after by pharmacists.


Fraternities & sororities do similar things with their rituals, but then there's not very much followup. And some of us utterly fail to live up to the standards set by the rituals in college Greek systems. Once upon a time, the Christian church had a similar ritual--baptism. If we truly pondered all that baptism means, it would definitely raise the bar. ("buried with Christ in baptism; raised to walk in new-ness of life..." Words that should matter!) But these days, baptism is frequently viewed simply as something one has to do to join a church. Nothing more. Which is sad.

So James & his classmates had a vision cast Thursday night. The standard was set, and the bar was raised. Now they have the responsibility and challenge of pressing on through 4 more years. Two years of very demanding courses. (18 hours worth this Fall) Then the gigantic challenge of the P5 year, which is a year of clinicals in Jackson. Cases are presented and analyzed, and solutions developed. From what I hear, pretty much nobody enjoys the P5 experience. But I also hear that they're all better pharmacists because of it, particularly if they wind up in a research type setting after completing the program. Then, the P6 year, which is mostly enjoyable; they complete eight 5-week rotations in different pharmacy settings. And then the Doctorate of Pharmacy is bestowed.

Here's hoping...and expecting...that James Madaris is walking across another stage 4 years from now. To receive his hard-earned Pharm.D. degree. (note: here's further hoping that I'm there in the audience, barely holding myself together with pride & thanksgiving...)

The application for the rest of us is this: do whatever it takes to raise the bar. Personally and professionally. Especially spiritually. Re-visit why you chose your profession. Take a day to ponder & reflect. Go to a conference. Re-visit your college campus and walk around reminiscing. Make a point of thinking deeply about your workplace next time you're there. View it as a calling. Pray for a new vision. Read Os Guiness' excellent book The Call from a few years back. Whatever it takes. Sneak in to next August's white coat ceremony at the University of Mississippi's School of Pharmacy, even, just to watch.

And while you're at it, would you voice a prayer for my baby boy? His is a genuine calling to the profession, which he had confirmed Thursday evening. But it's still a long & difficult road between Monday morning and Pharm.D. On his behalf, thanks!

With Love & Hope,
Mike

p.s. - My brother Jim & I are headed out to Houston tomorrow afternoon. Monday's a fun-filled day of a bunch of tests. (1st test is early, last test is at 8:00 p.m.!) Then Tuesday is the big appt. w/ Dr. Homsi. Thanks for your prayers!!

p.p.s. - I'll put some pix from Thursday night here as soon as I get ours developed and receive some others via email from others who were there. (and as soon as I remember how to do so...)

p.p.p.s. - If Ole Miss happens not to be your school of choice, that's fine. Remember, Lisa & I are Bama grads ourselves. But also remember, (a) James is not a partier, and (b) not in a fraternity, and (c) is a shorts/flipflops/t-shirt type, who (d) has had a great time there, while (e) growing spiritually, and (f) getting an outstanding education, (g) from one of the top pharmacy programs in the country. Your kid wants to be a pharmacist in Mississippi? Here's an exhaustive list of everywhere s/he can get pharmacy education in state: University of Mississippi. (list ends). A great friend of mine is completing his P6 year now, after being a lifelong MSU fan with 2 degrees from MSU; he's maroon & white thru & thru...and is very proud of his Ole Miss Pharmacy degree. As he should be. FWIW.

Living in the Present Tense

"This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Often quoted, rarely lived. (By me anyway...y'all may not have that problem.)

I find it very easy to live in the future tense. Especially with this scarlet "C" around my neck just now. Let me explain living in the present tense. Think of the phrase "just as soon as..." See if these sound familiar:

"Just as soon as I get out of high school, I'll get serious about life & faith"

"Just as soon as I get out of college, I'll become tight with the Lord"

"Just as soon as I get a job, I'll start living right"

(get the idea? Know anyone who lives like that?)

"Just as soon as I get married...get into shape...have kids...get the kids through school...make a lot of $$...retire...find a decent church...(etc.)"

One of the great blessings about cancer is that it is an outstanding perspective-putter-inner. When one gets that diagnosis, especially a total bummer of a cancer like metastatic melanoma, here's what happens. Put your hands as far apart as possible. Your "to-do" list that was that big prior to getting the diagnosis, shrinks dramatically. Now put your hands about an inch apart. This is about how large the to-do list becomes. And what's left on that list will be what is absolutely essential to the totality of life, whatever one's age is. Think of three things: faith, family, & friends. There's the new to-do list, courtesy of a cancer diagnosis.

Note what's not there any more. "Promotion/position/power at work"..."Take Jr. to his 7th baseball camp this summer so he can learn to throw a splitter at age 8 and get noticed by the bigs"..."Accumulate more stuff"..."the outcome of any college football game"..."Obsess over whether Brett was done right or wrong by the Packers and over where/if he's going to play this year"...(etc.)

Here's my recommendation based on these thoughts. Why wait for a dreadful diagnosis or a tragedy to properly prioritize your to-do list? Why not go ahead & put the first things first now? (as Stephen Covey says it).

How's your walk with the Lord? Why did you answer the way you did? What's keeping you from improving it? Did you say "I don't have time"? Really??? Then you need to off-load several items from your current list. Immediately. Because if you don't have time for your relationship with God, you are attempting to do more than He has for you to do.

How's your family? Your relationship with your spouse if you have one of those? How about your relationship with your kids? Why'd you answer the way you did? Here's a concept from the apostle Paul: "so far as is within you, be at peace with everyone." If you're the Dad, may I suggest that the prerogative to improve things lies squarely on your shoulders. (part of that whole "leadership" thing). I know sometimes things & people get sideways and seem to stay that way. But what I speak of are folks...Dads in particular...who spend all of their "good" time investing in place/power/position at work or in lowering a golf score or something like that, and leave their wives and kids the leftover, worn out scraps of themselves. And then wonder why the relationships are not so great.

How are things with your friends? When's the last time you had a conversation longer than "How're things? Good. You? Great. Seeya."

As I was pondering the topic of "being relational" for church last night, these thoughts came to mind. Pray with me that I--we--would drop all the bogus excuses and put faith, family, and friends on our to-do lists first. And then fill in the rest. Note: I love my job, and view it as a genuine calling from God, and am so very grateful for it. But it does not trump faith, family, and friends on my priority list. I hope 2 things: (a) that I am a professor at WCU for a long, long time to come, and (b) that that job never gets in the way of faith, family, and friends. It doesn't now, in case you're wondering. In fact, one of the many wonderful things about my job is that I am actively encouraged to work on my faith and to place priority on my family & on my community.

Here's my fearless prediction: on your deathbed, you'll not find yourself thinking, "dadburn, I wish I hadn't spent so much time & energy with my spouse & my kids..."

For what it's worth...
Mike

p.s. - off to Oxford today to take the rest of James' stuff (can you say "the Clampetts"?) and especially to see his "white coat" ceremony tonight signifying the official beginning of pharmacy school student-dom. Back home tomorrow. And I'm feeling better & better each day. Thanks for asking! *smile*

Well, let's see what's been going on this week...

1. James left for Oxford yesterday
Pharmacy school orientation all day Thursday & Friday, with the white coat ceremony Thursday night. (All of those starting pharm school take their oath and are then presented with their embroidered white pharmacist coats). He got up there yesterday late afternoon/early evening and will spend today setting up furniture & his computer & such.

2. Anne starts her senior year of HS today
Which, of course, means next year we'll be shipping off both of our kidlings. I'm very excited for Anne. I'm rather less excited for me. Seems it was just a couple of days ago that my toddler daughter would announce that she's "Daddy's gull" and wanting so badly to know how to read. Now, here she is, in her last year in my house. (dadburn allergies...*smile*)

Both James & Anne are excited about their respective years. And I'm excited for them. Really, I am. It's just that I toss in a good measure of self-pity with my excitement. Watching one's babies grow up is a totally awesome experience! Those of you with little bitty ones are in for some times that are greater than you have imagined. But growing up also means growing out of the house. That's the part that brings self-pity for me.

Note: even with a whining, self-pitying moment like now, it's still one of the great joys of my life to see my children grow up. And yes, even to see the "growing out" part.

3. On the medical front...
Feeling better each day. Yesterday, though, I did sleep more than planned. I blame three things: a) I did more Sunday than any day since I've been back & was tired, b) we had a large quantity of rain most of the day, and c) James' puppy insisted that I nap with him. (We're taking Beau the puppy to Oxford Thursday). But I can see progress. Just tired now & then, plus "itchy" much of the time.

One week from today is the big appointment out at MDA. One week from yesterday is the day-long re-staging scans out there. I expect my nights sleep to deteroriate as those days draw near. "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief..."

4. Cheeseburger Classic
Even in the rain, I thoroughly enjoyed being part of the 1st "Cheeseburger Classic" golf tourney & dinner in celebration of the life and memory of my buddy Jason Weathers who passed a little over a month ago. (It was also a fund raiser for the education of his three young children, btw...for more info on being part of that funding, click the link to the upper left of this page) My golf game is not for public consumption even when there's not any rain; so I didn't play golf yesterday. *smile* But the dinner & silent auction was great, and hanging with so many friends was wonderful. In the midst of everything, I even got to hang out with Jason's wife Stephanie a bit, which is always a pleasant time.

So, there's the news so far this week. Forgive my "I'm getting old" ponderings here...the rapid passage of parental time is much on my mind lately.

Thanks so much for your prayers & acts of service toward us! Please keep 'em coming.

With love and hope,
Mike

"Let us not forsake the assembling together..."

I can't tell you how exciting it is to me to be preparing to head back to church for the first time in a month or more! Podcast technology is wonderful, but a TBC sermon on podcast while on the road in the wilds of S. LA does not even come close to the same sermon live in the presence of so many wonderful saints of God. Similarly, TV re-broadcast is nice, but TBC worship watched from my couch is just not the same as TBC worship live & in person.

And if you are a male, I apologize in advance. Here in just a short while, I'm expecting I'll embarrass every last one of you with the many tears I'll shed. Actually, come to think of it, I apologize not at all. But be forewarned of the potential...

I'm looking forward to the whole deal. Hugs from friends who have been carrying us along on the wings of their prayers as they have stormed heaven on our behalf...teaching Sunday School to my friends--man, how I have missed that!...songs of praise and thanksgiving...the view from the tech booth...hearing the Word proclaimed so excellently...and perhaps seeing lives transformed by that Word. I'm showing up with a cup already full from the many ways God has shown Himself to me since I was last there. And I'm planning on Him overflowing it. Can't wait!

I fully & confidently expect that this morning's worship & SS @ TBC will celebrate the presence of my Lord, Who opts to visit with us Sunday after Sunday. It will not--and should not--be about a man or a woman. (not even my favorite bald-headed, goatee-wearing pastor!) Nor about the incredible musical talent on stage. Nor about "singing my favorite songs." Nor about "making me happy" or "doing it the way I like." The day a worship service or SS class becomes about anything other than the Lord and His Word is the day the focus has been severely misplaced...and the day that church is preparing to experience the glory of the Lord departing from the place. *shudders*

I'm so thankful that long before I was born, God chose to place His hand on a group starting a church in Hattiesburg, MS. 5th Avenue B.C., which became Temple B.C. was an awesome fellowship long, long before I arrived. Long before any particular preacher or music person or SS teacher arrived. And, should the Lord tarry, and should He keep His hand on us, Temple B.C. will--by the grace of God--be a wonderful, biblical, relational, missional, global church long after I'm gone. TBC is so totally not about me--or any other single individual--that it's not even funny! Which is, of course, as it should be.

There are so very many churches like that. The hand of God is utterly not limited to one church. May it never be, Lord! Thankfully, He is moving in awesome ways in churches all across the planet. It's my hope that your church is one of those in which He shows up!

Like the Christian life itself, the Christian church is NOT about me. Or you. It's about the One Who created us, Who calls us, Who redeems us, Who forgives us, Who reveals Himself to us, and Who chooses to use us for His glory and for His purposes. May we all remember that, and help our churches remember that! Indeed, it is our utter and complete inadequacy in & of ourselves that makes the grace of God poured out in & through us so very amazing.

Celebrate that with me today, won't you?

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!

With love, hope, appreciation, and anticipation,
Mike

Brief Update

As I put on my facebook page, I am living the excellent old Chicago song: "Feelin' stronger every day...ya know I'm alright, yeeeaaaahh..." *grin*

A remarkable thing just happened. Both James & Anne, plus the 2 dogs, were asleep here in the living room, while I was awake! (OK...so I had already had a short snooze with James' puppy Beau earlier...Still, though...) I really am feeling much better each day. Which means....

*drum roll*

I will be back @ church tomorrow morning, and teaching Sunday School too!! I can't tell you how excited I am about this! By my count, I've not been to church on Sunday morning in either 4 or 5 weeks, which is a looooooong time for me. I'm hoping the folks in my SS class are, well, still in my SS class! *smile*

It's a pretty safe bet that I'll have to promptly come home and nap, but then, that's true most Sundays even without having been to IL-2-land.

Yesterday, I went on a fairly serious Walmart run with Mom, then to lunch with a buddy & also walked around church doing Sunday School stuff, then drove to Columbia to pick up some furniture for James' apt. So, I'm making progress on the tired-ness front. However, I walked up some one floor of stairs at church, which really hammered home how hard IL-2 cycles are on one's cardiovascular fitness. (answer: very hard!)

Still fairly "itchy," and still just a small amount of fluid left that won't seem to go away.

But all in all, I'm way, way farther along than, say, Tuesday.

Thanks for your continued prayers! I'll never be able to repay the prayers and deeds of so many. But my Lord sees and knows and rewards.

Thanks again!

Love and hope,
Mike

p.s. - hard to believe that it's only 10 days until we find out whether this has worked, is working, or is not working...

You Know You've Just Finished a Week of High-Dose Immunotherapy If...

...you can change your shoe size by walking 2 laps about a McDonald's parking lot

...those same 2 laps make you have to take a nap

...you say "Honey I had a revelation while waking up from my nap" and it's not yet 7:00 a.m.

...you say "No thanks, I don't want a donut; I'll just have some more Gatorade."

...your lunch bill is cheaper than your wife's

...you're using a gas station restroom in south LA, & you wonder for a moment where the output measuring devices are

...you wake up thinking "Cool, I slept through morning vitals & lab sticks" only to realize you're not in the hospital any more

...you say "It's only a small hurricane; we can blast on thru the outer rain bands...besides, my wife's driving"

...you don't mind being around a large number of LSU fans because this means you're only 2 1/2 hours away from home.

...you get pretty excited because you think you may have dropped another pound of excess fluid weight.

...the biggest challenge you face in planning your upcoming week is how soon you'll be able to stay awake for an entire Lord of the Rings movie. (note: based on yesterday, "Wednesday" is a bit too soon...I completely missed the fall of Osgiliath and the entmoot. *sigh*)

...you've gotten pretty good at the very important skill of scratching your entire back in public.

...you realize anew that you've been absolutely living on the prayers of many people taking heaven by storm on your behalf, and just seeing some of those people brings tears of gratitude to your eyes.

...you're like a child just before Christmas over getting back into church this Sunday, while at the same time realizing that there is no chance of you making it through the worship service nor the Sunday School time without the shedding of many tears. And you're not really the slightest bit worried about this virtual certainty.

Note: every single one of those (well, except the last one, which is anticipated) is based on actual occurences this week. Lisa & I had several laughs on the way back Monday compiling this list.

I'm feeling like today is going to be a bit better than yesterday. And yesterday--as expected--was better than Tuesday. I still can manage slow-walking just to the stop sign at the end of the street & back...a distance of about 2/10 of a mile. And I still will need to lie down after my walk. But the naps are shorter, and I generally have more energy. I'm rather confident that I might feel normal in another week or so! Can't wait!

Thanks so much for your prayers and acts of service for us! We are grateful and humbled.

With love and hope,
Mike

Immunotherapy = Hitting Yourself on the Head with a Hammer

This is actually a co-authored post. In a sort of gallows-humor season during round one 2 weeks ago, my brother Jim & I percolated out loud on this together, just laughing ourselves silly in the process. Lisa was slightly less amused...*grin*

The basic idea was this: How is immunotherapy like hitting yourself on the head with a hammer? Surprisingly, as you'll see, the two are very similar...

--It feels simply marvelous when you stop

--If you do it long enough, it begins to hurt just a bit less

--You won't truly appreciate how bad it hurts until you stop

--Similarly, you won't really appreciate how great it feels to stop if you never start

--It gives a great perspective: for example, your feet feel much better while hitting yourself on the head with a hammer (I haven't worried about my sore arches once in the past 4 weeks!)

--Paying someone else a considerable amount of money to hit you on the head with a hammer makes the whole experience somehow less...troublesome to ponder.

--If, prior to beginning the process of getting hit on the head with a hammer, you are given, say, 15 helmets, you just know the hammer is gonna hurt. Bad. (I was prescribed 17 seperate drugs just for side effects in my admission orders!)

--If it requires more than one or two highly-trained professionals to properly show you how to hit yourself on the head with a hammer, you better strap in, because this one's gonna hurt! So far, I've had 15 highly trained & specialized medical types be part of this week's festivities. And that's just the ones who have physically been in the room!

--To properly hit yourself on the head with a hammer requires considerable skill, dedication, planning, and effort. So don't just randomly start flailing away with the nearest hammer; seek a trained professional!

So, you see, ladies & gents, there really are a number of direct parallels between hitting yourself on the head with a hammer and high-dose IL-2 immunotherapy. Just so you know...

I know what you're thinking right now; you're thinking, "there's 5 minutes of life I'll never get back..." Precisely. But I'll not apologize, for just remember: you could have been hitting yourself on the head with a hammer while reading...*rimshot*

I hereby promise that the next post will have some actual useful content in it. Maybe.

Seriously, thanks much for your love, friendship, and prayers. It is exactly those that enable me to laugh right here in the ICU room while recovering from getting hit in the head with a hammer...Laughter in the midst of the battle is an indispensable tool!

With love, hope, and a chuckle,
Mike

p.s. - I'm still not feeling very good, but as this day has worn on, I now feel somewhat more hopeful that I will feel better in the future. Last night and this morning, I was not so sure about ever feeling better...*sigh*

Home at Last

Think of every cool song lyric that speaks fondly of home. Now sing every one of those songs. Don't you feel better? You're welcome! *grin*

I type at a few minutes after 6 on Monday night. From the comfort of home. In fact, I'm blogging under the influence right now...of a 2-hour power nap on our living room floor (James' puppy helped with this) and of my 1st complete shower since last Monday! (Note to all concerned: I have actually bathed since then, so don't be scared. Just haven't stood under a glorious shower)

Today's was a fair uneventful trip. (Of course, I can't drive yet...) The hurricane was a total non-issue for us. Sunny weather & no clouds all the way through east TX & south LA. (Of course, a frog-strangling rainstorm landed on us right as we got near home. But we didn't care.)

Progress on the melting-face front too. I held the door open for a family @ our lunch stop in Baton Rouge, & Lisa said after "see? Your face didn't scare those little boys..." *smile*

Tired is the one-word description of now. About to go walk around the yard a time or two, which will require all of the oomph I can muster. And I'll probably have to nap after. Oh well...

Anyway, just wanted everyone to know that we're home. Thanks so very much for your continued prayers!

With love & hope,
Mike

p.s. - if you didn't already, go read the hilarious comment from my long-time fraternity buddy on the previous post. Thanks, GTO...I needed the chuckle, as did my family...

At the moment, my face looks sort like a cross between this...
and this...

With a hint of the wicked witch's "I'm melting...melting...." thrown in.


Come to think of it, the hands are pretty close to mine in the second one (Gimli) too. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal looks (whatever those are...) in the near future.


Keep in mind, boys & girls, that's from the treatment, not the disease...so, yeah...*sigh*


On the gigantic plus side though, we are heading toward H'burg this morning!! Yaaaaahoooooooo!! Plus, my 1st waking sensation this morning was not being stuck with a needle! By my count, I was stuck 42 times this week, averaging a smooth 6 sticks per day...And some of you probably made it through the whole week without getting stuck once with a needle! *grin*


Other than looking rather between "rode hard & put up wet" and "Mommy, what's wrong with that man's face & hands? 'Hush, honey...it's not polite to stare..." I'm OK. Feel just merely very exhausted, which will get better by the day this week. Weight-wise, remember in round 1 when I dropped all the wt in a couple of days? Well, apparently that doesn't happen every time either; I've still got about half of it to go, though the trend is in the rt. direction. Thanks to all who were secure enough in their faith to pray for my bodily functions! Keep those coming for another day or two too, if you would.


Please pray for safe travel home...apparently, there's this tropical storm between here (Houston area) and home. But what do I care? I'm not able to drive any! *sad smile* Seriously, your prayers today--esp for Lisa!--are most welcome.


And know that we are absolutely thrilled to be rolling homeward!


As Grand Funk sang back in the late 60s, "I'm getting closer to my home...I'm getting closer to my hooooooome...Yeahyeah..."


With a grateful heart,
Mike

Closer to Home...

At the moment, my face looks sort like a cross between this... and this...

With a hint of the wicked witch's "I'm melting...melting...." thrown in.

Come to think of it, the hands are pretty close to mine in the second one (Gimli) too. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal looks (whatever those are...) in the near future.

Keep in mind, boys & girls, that's from the treatment, not the disease...so, yeah...*sigh*

On the gigantic plus side though, we are heading toward H'burg this morning!!

Yaaaaahoooooooo!! Plus, my 1st waking sensation this morning was not being stuck with a needle! By my count, I was stuck 42 times this week, averaging a smooth 6 sticks per day...And some of you probably made it through the whole week without getting stuck once with a needle! *grin*

Other than looking rather between "rode hard & put up wet" and "Mommy, what's wrong with that man's face & hands? 'Hush, honey...it's not polite to stare..." I'm OK. Feel just merely very exhausted, which will get better by the day this week.

Weight-wise, remember in round 1 when I dropped all the wt in a couple of days? Well, apparently that doesn't happen every time either; I've still got about half of it to go, though the trend is in the rt. direction. Thanks to all who were secure enough in their faith to pray for my bodily functions! Keep those coming for another day or two too, if you would.

Please pray for safe travel home...apparently, there's this tropical storm between here (Houston area) and home. But what do I care? I'm not able to drive any! *sad smile* Seriously, your prayers today--esp for Lisa!--are most welcome.

And know that we are absolutely thrilled to be rolling homeward!

As Grand Funk sang back in the late 60s, "I'm getting closer to my home...I'm getting closer to my hooooooome...Yeahyeah..."

With a grateful heart,
Mike

Clouds

I've always loved looking at clouds & the sky. (Growing up on the water helps that love!)

Recently, we've had some marvelous clouds & sun interaction around H'burg. Here's an observation I've had a couple of times lately looking at the clouds rolling in bringing afternoon rains. Think of the darkest, scariest clouds you've encountered. Fearsome. Unsettling. Unnerving. Plain ol' scary. And sometimes the storms burst upon you. And even cause destruction. In such times, it's easy to forget that the same summer sun is still there. Even when you can't see it, nor feel it. Even when the clouds may cause you to wonder if that sun will ever shine again. It will. I assure you, it will. You should bank on that, not because you read it here; rather, because of Him Who promised to never destroy the earth again by flood.

I initially wrote this the Saturday before the 1st course of IL-2 began. I had planned to post it during that week. But the clouds boiled over into a full-blown storm that resulted in the passing of a great friend into glory. Let's try again, shall we? (note: I've edited this a time or two...or 6...since the initial--right now, for example, it's Sunday at 7:00 a.m., and I'm on the back side of IL-2 round 2. Those clouds are beginning to break up...)

It's now Monday evening at 9:30 p.m., and we're in the ICU. As of a few minutes ago, I am hooked up to various apparati to monitor most everything. Freedom is gone...*sigh* We've spent most of today @ MDA, which means storm clouds on most people's horizons around us. Now, I'm in the ICU seeing the clouds begin to boil directly around me. And a storm's coming. Beginning tomorrow morning. But here's the thing to remember, and to pray for me to remember. Above the clouds, there is my Lord, ruling and reigning over the entire universe. Including the clouds of IL-2 and melanoma. And whatever clouds are hanging over you at the moment. Just as surely as the sun still shines beyond the clouds of a summer storm when it can't be seen, He is there. Jehovah Shammah...the Lord Who is Present. Hallelujah! More surely than the sun's shining, actually, for He caused the sun to begin to shine, and will one day render its shining irrelevant:

And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Rev. 22:5

Let's pray for each other to look past our situations to the One Who filters it all through His loving hands. And Who enables us to hold up under the strain. Jehovah Shammah.

"Let the dark clouds rise...let the storm winds blow...there is safety, there is comfort in Your arms....Jesus...You are faithful...You are able...You are strong..." That's a song we sing on occasion in church.

Thanks for your prayers for me right now! Please remember Lisa as she's facing these clouds too. Plus, James & Anne have to look thru these clouds from 7 1/2 hours away. And Mom & Jim & his family from farther away yet.

With Love and Hope,
Mike

p.s. - a great friend posted this in a comment yesterday:

Heidelberg Catechism Q & A 1.

Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death?

A. That I am not my own,but belong—body and soul,in life and in death—to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood,and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him,Christ, by his Holy Spirit,assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.

This type stuff means a lot more, I'm sure, in a situation like yours.

(back to Mike) Yes it does, Norman. How very much we take for granted in terms of core theology, consigning it to the realm of "pastor stuff" or whatever. And how very vital that core theology about God and salvation and redemption and providence and such becomes when the clouds gather!

God, forgive me for pushing Your Word and Your ways into a nice, tidy corner and leaving them there most of the time totally untouched. Grant that I would delve deeply into You at all times and not just when my way is obscured by clouds. Forgive us all for outsourcing things theological to our pastors or favorite authors. Help us say with Paul, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord,or who has been His counselor? Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Father, may our very beings erupt in this same sort of praise and wonder and adoration regularly as we ponder daily anew Your work and Your Person. Maranatha!

p.p.s. - "When peace like a river attendeth my way...when sorrows, like sea billows, roll...whatever my lot, You have taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul..." (written by Horatio Spafford on the occasion of the passing of his daughters in a shipwreck; re-read that--the passing of his daughters...can there be a greater tragedy? And yet, how many times have we sung "it is well with my soul" on absentminded autopilot??)

p.p.p.s. - Thanks Norman, for the reminder that sparks these ramblings. See you at some football games this Fall, Lord willing.

The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly

Good afternoon, Amigos!

Today's prayer request is very simple & straightforward. And perhaps a bit disturbing to some.

The Bad
I need to offload a significant amount of fluid today. Right now, I'm probably in the 15-20 pound range. (meaning, I'm up about that much) There's the disturbing prayer request.

The Good
The reason for the request above is, we've been told by Dr. Hwu (female...not the same guy as last time, and no relation) that she'd like to ship us outta here tomorrow! But, in order for that to happen, see "disturbing prayer request" above.

The Ugly
Well, that's me. All the time, but especially at fightin' wt. + 28 lbs, as I was Thursday.

Thanks for praying for us! I hope this prayer is not too disturbing to your theology...

With love & hope,
Mike

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER, 2008...*sigh*

Hey, All,
I was just struck by the though that you have entered into my journey at various points in it. Thus, I thought a recap of the whole deal might be useful to some.

Nov. 05 - initial diagnosis of malignant melanoma from a mole on my back. 4 sep surgeries at same time: massive hole created in back around mole, sentinel lymph nodes removed from under each arm, skin graft from left thigh into back. Cancer Free was diagnosis from all of that.

Between then & now - regular visits to my excellent oncologist in H'burg & to dermatologist there. CT scans every 6 months.

January 08 - routine ct scan finds 3 spots on my lungs. A vast array of medical tests follows:
multiple CTs, brain MRI (which did, in fact, reveal that I do have one of those), xrays, echocardiogram (which revealed that I have one of those too!), 2 different needle biopsies (there's a good time...a needle being slowly jammed into your lung...with no anesthesia...got to do 2 of thosebad boys...),...
Then in May, Dr. B. referred me to MDA for a consult. Note: I've long believed that one mark of a good Dr. is enough humility to ask for a 2nd opinion himself!

(what follows are descriptions of each of our trips out here; I can't keep all the dates straight)
1st week in May - initial appt. w/ Dr. Homsi out here. He's a medical melanoma specialist, not to be confused w/ the surgical melanoma folks here, nor with the dermatology folks here...specialization is good in this bidness! Dr. H's lab guy suspects this is adenocarcinoma. Thus, I get instantly referred to Dr. Kim in that dept.

appt. w/ Dr. Kim; he suggests a radical surgerical procedure called VATS - video-assisted thorascopic (something); this is scheduled for the next week, and will (a) diagnose and (b) remove a fair amount of my disease.

VATS Surgery performed by Dr. Mehran. Removes 3 spots from left lung; diagnosis is very clear: metastatic melanoma - total bummer! There's not much good news when melanoma returns like this.

Followup with Dr. Homsi. He lays out several options, and then recommends high-dose IL-2. This trtmt protocol offers a small chance of very good news. When it works, those folks tend to livr tumor-free for years & years. ("Lord, I want to be in that number...")

round 1 of high-dose IL-2 @ MDA. I made it thru 6 doses, which is about avg. Zero fun, sir!

2 weeks of R & R at home. Then this week. See "Zero fun, Sir!" But, I made it to doses this time. It's quite unusual for one to go farther on dose 2 than dose 1.

For future possibilities, see my post of 7/28; scroll to bottom under "long range possibilities."

Whoomp, there it is...I thought you know...*grin*